Rip Cheato stood in front of the Reset Grapes*. ”Looks like things have gotten out of hand,” he said, shaking his head. “Got no choice but to eat these grapes.” He ate them, wincing with each bite. “Wow, these don’t taste very-“
“I am a cook and I love to coooook.”
Tayce T. bustled about in her kitchen, cooking delightful foods because she was a cook. Tayce T. liked to take recipes from people and cook food for them because cooking was her specialty as a cook. She cooked good.
“If only I had a Dried Pasta and a Koopa Leaf,” Tayce T. said cheerfully to herself. “Then I could cook Koopasta!”
Just then, the door swung open with so much force. The Master walked in honorably. He was the fighting martial arts master sensei at the Toad Town Dojo. The Master sat down dramatically.
“Hello, Tayce T.”
“Hello! I’m cooking!”
“What are you cooking?”
“I’m cooking a Shroom Steak, which is made from a Life Shroom and Mushroom!”
“Okay.”
Just then, the door swung open with so much evil force. Tayce T. stopped cooking and turned around.
It was Kammy Koopa. She was a Magikoopa dressed in purple clothes with glasses. She’s a bad guy.
“Nya ha ha ha!” Kammy Koopa snickered. “Look outside, you two! Bombette is being consumed by the darkness!”
“NO!”
Tayce T. and The Master ran outside. Bombette wasn’t becoming evil, because she wasn’t being consumed by the darkness.
“BOMBETTE!” Tayce T. cried.
“Yeah?”
“What are you doing?!”
“Nothing in particular.”
“Okay,” said Tayce T., who turned around in time to catch Kammy about to make a grab for her delicious meal which restores 30 HP and 10 FP.
“Isn’t it horrible?” Kammy laughed, although she was really mad that she didn’t get to eat the Shroom Steak. “Nothing makes sense anymore, right?” Kammy was bouncing up and down from the excitement.
“Everything still makes sense,” The Master said, confused. “Bombette is out there having fun and being a good guy. Looks pretty normal to me!”
Kammy leapt out of her chair, tripping over her robes and falling on her face. Then she got up and ran outside to see for herself. “BOMBETTE!”
“Yeah?”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m just hanging out, jeez.”
“This doesn’t make sense!” Kammy yelled. “The Dark Influence is supposed to be making you turn into a bad guy! Right now! I don’t understand why it’s not working?”
Tayce T. and The Master looked at each other and started laughing uproariously. “Good guys? Become BAD GUYS?” They laughed and laughed and laughed. “What an absurd notion!” they added in perfect unison.
“Why… isn’t the Dark Influence working?” Kammy said, sweating profusely. She fell to her knees. “What am I supposed to tell the boss?”
“Aww, yeah! Hey hey, DJ!” said a familiar voice.
“Look, here comes Jimmy T.!” Tayce T. yelled excitedly.
Jimmy T. moonwalked down the street into Tayce T.’s home while yelling “come on, come on!”
“How about a Kooky Cookie, Jimmy?” Tayce T. said excitedly, searching for Cake Mix and a Koopa Leaf. “They’re your favorite, right?”
“Aw, yeah!” Jimmy T. said.
“Jimmy!” Kammy yelled, crawling in through the window, drenched in sweat and panting. “You can’t be here! Did anybody see you!? Nobody can know where you are, have you forgotten!?”
“Young Jimmy can go wherever he wishes,” The Master nodded sagely. “He is a strong young man and there is much he is capable of.”
“Did somebody say Kooooooky Cookie?” Kooper said, walking into the room to thunderous applause from the audience. He was carrying a large scythe. “I was just tending my garden!” he said, placing the scythe down harmlessly on a stool. “Growing Maximum Tomatoes from the Kirby universe sure is haaaaard work!”
“My… my dreadlord?” Kammy said, having lost all of her hair from the stress of the situation. “P… please… tell me this is some kind of joke?”
“Golly, are you addressing me?” Kooper said, laughing. “Dreadlord, huh? That’s a new one! Picture me being a dreadlord! Ha ha ha!”
“Ha ha ha ha!”
“Ha!”
“Ha ha!”
“NO!” Kammy yelled, pulling out a gun. “IF YOU WON’T TURN EVIL I’LL MAKE YOU TURN EVIL!”
“Oh my god!” yelled Tayce T. ducking behind the counter. Kooper hid under his chair, screaming, while The Master put his hands up and backed away from Kammy slowly.
“Woooooow!” said Jimmy T., still eating his cookie.
“Please, let’s all calm down,” The Master said, his voice shaking. “What do you want from us? We are but simple good guys trying to make a living.”
Kammy shot The Master in the head, killing him instantly. Tayce T. let out a shriek and Kooper started crying. “I can’t believe the two of you, sitting here acting like everything’s all fine and dandy! The Prophecy clearly states that you’re both to become really evil and powerful and stuff! YOU!” she yelled, pointing her gun at Kooper. “Didn’t you find the Swirling Vortex? The Prophecy said last Saturday you were supposed to get sucked into it!”
“We had to cancel due to the rain!” Kooper yelled, peeing in his pants. “So did the penguins! Nobody went on any expeditions last Saturday!”
Kammy stared emptily at Kooper, slowly letting her firearm lower. She was completely pale. “Everything is different,” she whispered before dropping dead.
“Anywho,” Kooper said, hopping out of his seat. “We rescheduled the vortex thing for today, so I guess I’ll be off to do that, then! Hope nothing crazy happens!” He left to go do that.
Tayce T. got a call. She answered. “Hi, I’m a cook! Oh, hi Pennington. What’s that? You want me and Bombette to go check out the Dark Influence? Okay, sounds good.” She hung up and left to go do that.
Jimmy T. set down his cookie, a stoic look on his face. “Now I must go into hiding,” he said. “Nobody can know where I am.” He left to go do that.
For the next ten years, the events of the story played out exactly as told previously.
Rip Cheato stood in front of the Reset Grapes*. ”Looks like things have gotten out of hand,” he said, shaking his head. “Got no choice but to eat these grapes.” He picked up the grapes but his head was quickly sliced off by Kooper, who was visiting the Vortex on the anniversary of his becoming a bad guy, which was now on a different day than it was in the previous iteration of the universe.
“It’s time to stop playing games,” he growled, licking the blood off of his INFERNO SCYTHE, a powerful weapon created by temporarily fusing his Vortex Scythe with one of the Inferno Gauntlets. “We have to destroy the Shadow Koo. We have to erase their existence from this world.”
“I’m scared!” said Punchinello, who now had neon green hair, which is the only remaining thing different about this universe. “Do you suppose we can do it?”
“Yeah, we should be good,” Kooper said, swinging the INFERNO SCYTHE dramatically and creating a dark portal. “I just learned where their headquarters is. Let’s go kill some Koos.” They leapt through the portal.
And now the battle has truly begun.
* The Reset Grapes also affect the Mega Man universe.
