Chapter Eleven: The True Identity of Chaos Satan Revealed At Last

“You’ve come a long way,” Chaos Satan, who we can now call by his real name, BABY DONKEY KONG, said clapping his hands.  “Truly admirable.  Most people don’t make it this far…”

He spread his arms out wide in display.


Co-Star Luma spat out another mouthful of blood bitterly.  They had been so close.  So fucking close.  Shit!

“Tubba!”  Baby Donkey Kong, or Chaos Satan, snapped his fingers.  “Bring out the Chains of Remorse.”

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Co-Star Luma screamed, flecks of spit flying in all directions.  The time for dignity was long past, not when the Chains of Remorse were involved.


“Stop shouting,” Chaos Satan frowned. 


“That is very loud.  Please stop that.”

“Please , can you not use the Chains of Remorse on me.”



Tubba Blubba, a shell of his former self, brought out the Chains of Remorse.  The sinister links clanked as they were dragged along the floor.

“Let him go!” Captain Syrup screamed, struggling in Axem Red’s Hyper Barrier.  “We’ll tell you everything!  We’ll tell you Belome’s weakness!”

“You blubbering baboon!” Axem Red cackled.  “Everyone knows Belome’s only weakness is the Dark Sonata!  Hello, ding dong!  Anybody home?!”

Axem Red made a cruel gesture as if he were pressing an invisible doorbell that did not exist outside of Captain Syrup’s non-existent home.  By doing so, he forgot she was in the Hyper Barrier and his finger was chopped off by five lasers, along with the rest of his body chopped into little pieces shortly after.

“Eugh,” said Baby Donkey Kong, the Chaos Version of Satan.  “Tubba, sorry, can you clean that up, that’s nasty.”

“I’m still alive!” croaked the pieces of Axem Red.  “If you just gather me up and collect the Dragon Balls, I can be save-“

Tubba Blubba promptly threw the Axem Red pieces into the fiery lava of Hell.

“Now then where were we?” said Chaos Satan, although he actually knew the answer.  He was just pretending to not know to be mean.  “Oh, yes.  The Chains of Remorse.  Tubba!”

Tubba Blubba began to wrap Co-Star Luma in the Chains of Remorse, which was difficult because his hands were now katanas.  “Sorry, give me like two seconds, boss.”

The next day, Co-Star Luma was finally wrapped tightly in the Chains.  He could feel the remorse coursing through his steins (the star version of veins) and the utter hopelessness wash over him.

“Can you feel it?” Baby Donkey “Chaos Satan” Kong whispered.  “This is what Yoshi felt before he died too.  How fitting that his father should share the same fate.”

Co-Star Luma tried to focus on something else to take his mind away from the remorse.  All of a sudden, there he was.  His Special One…those tight overalls…that sexy mustache…that roboticized cock…  As he shriveled into a soulless husk, Co-Star Luma whispered his name.


Co-Star Luma died.  Man.

“Now then,” said Chaos Satan.  “It’s your turn, Syrup.”

“Not if I can help it!”

The ceiling burst into shards.  Luigi landed on the floor of the Chaos Chamber, wielding the Psionic Sword.

“Luigi!” said Baby Donkey Kong*.  “This is crazy!  Co-Star Luma was just talking about you like two seconds ago!  Life sure is wild sometimes!”

*Chaos Satan

“Syrup, are you all right?”  Luigi asked.

“I’m fine,” said Captain Syrup who during Luigi’s entrance had broken out of the Hyper Barrier, ripped off Tubba Blubba’s head with his own katana hands, and was now dribbling it on her knee like a soccer ball.

“Shouldn’t you be off kissing Prince Peasley?” taunted Chaos Satan.

Luigi’s eyes darkened.  “You know just as well as we do that Prince Peasley died before the events of this story took place so that he can never appear in Waluigi Handbag ever and because of Operation Clean Sweep, all of our memories of him were sealed in the Chaos Door, so he can’t even appear in flashbacks, because he was literally erased from all existence and space time.  You cruel son of a bitch.”

“What are you going to do about it?  This is the CHAOS CHAMBER.  I am CHAOS SATAN.  HOME TURF ADVANTAGE.”

“Things are about to change,” said Luigi. He pulled out a small poo-colored orb.  “The hierarchy of Hell will be overturned.”

“NO!!!  NOT THE G…”

Luigi lifted the poo orb into the air.


Luigi threw the Genesis Wave onto the floor, and it shattered.  Immediately, both Captain Syrup and Luigi were engulfed in a strong, cool green light.

“Goodbye, Chaos Satan,” said the newly reborn Chaos Luigi as he charged up a ball of green Chaos energy.  “Or should I say…just Baby Donkey Kong.”

The Chaos Beam fired and Baby Donkey Kong was shot one million miles out of the Chaos Chamber.  The speed of the blast was so fast that it shattered through the ceiling of Hell and sent Baby Donkey Kong flying through the atmosphere of space.

“What does this mean, Chaos Luigi?” said Chaos Syrup.

“All of Hell are now Chaos Disciples,” said Chaos Luigi triumphantly.  “With this newfound power, we’ll rally the denizens of Hell together, escape Hell, and get that Chaos Door open.  This is what Waluigi would’ve wanted.”

Meanwhile, as Baby Donkey Kong, formerly known as Chaos Satan, burned up in the atmosphere, he sent a telepathic message to his true master.

(It was all for you, my lord Belome.)

Baby Donkey Kong’s face turned to ashes.

(Or should I say…Chaos Belome.)

Chaos Belome’s eyes opened as he felt Baby Donkey Kong’s message.  He smiled the foulest of smiles, so foul that it could not even be described in prose.

The Mega Man universe was also affected by the Genesis Wave.

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