“Welcome home, mother!” yelled all one thousand Luma orphans as their caretaker walked in the door amidst the hurricane of darkness that was swelling outside. Merlon was working his foul magic yet again.
“Mummy!” cried the smallest, most adorable Luma of the bunch. “Do you ‘ave food fer us? Eet’s been a dog’s age, it ‘as!”
The nine hundred and ninety nine other lumas began chiming in as well, climbing all over each other, and tugging at their mother’s dress, hopeful that she could provide a momentary reprieve from the misery that was their existence. But her silence told them all they needed to know, as slowly the ruckus settled down and all was quiet. The lumas struggled to hide their desperate tears as they anxiously awaited their mother’s word.
“My younglings,” she smiled, leaning down to embrace them. “Please forgive your foolish mother… She’s trying her best…”
“BUT WE’RE SO HUNGRY!!” yelled Lubba so fat that he couldn’t physically move.
What could she say to them? There was simply no way for her to feed these children as long as King Boo was free to ramp up the rent for every penny they had. And what could she do to stand up to him and his shrewd business tactics? To stand up to King Boo is to stand up to Booster, and to stand up to Booster is to ensure that one meets a prolonged and miserable death. Not to mention she was already ONE BILLION COINS in debt to their entire organization. The fact they let her live in the first place was nothing short of a miracle. Right now, however, the biggest mistake she could make was to let her younglings see her cry.
“No worries, mum!” said that stupid British Luma again. “Long as yer ‘ere wit us, we’ll find a way ta get through this!”
The door was thrown open again and in its frame stood Kolorado, wearing a bloody lab coat and with an unfathomable madness swelling in his eyes. His grin was twisted and sinister as if lusting to taste living flesh. The lumas screamed and ran to hide.
“My dreadlord,” he hissed, extending a clawed arm towards the Mother of Lumas. “Come back to us!”
“Get away from my children!” she yelled, pulling out her vortex scythe. “Wait… Why do I…?”
“MOM, WHAT’S HAPPENING!?” screamed Lubba, who had fallen on his back and couldn’t upright himself because he was so fucking fat.
The hurricane had now torn away the walls of the orphanage and one by one the luma children were being swept up into its furious rampage. Their mother had her vortex scythe poised to strike, and though she thirsted for his blood, she shook with hesitation.
Kolorado’s smile did not fade. If anything, it had grown more sadistic. “It’s time, my dreadlord! Time once again to unleash your wrath upon the sinners of this world! Strike me down! Grant me the gift of oblivion!”
“WAIT!!!” screamed a familiar voice from somewhere in the darkness. “PLEASE, DON’T DO THIS! THERE HAS TO BE ANOTHER WAY!”
Wario… The Mother of Lumas immediately recognized the voice. Suddenly a whirlwind of intense emotions overcame her and she fell to her knees, dropping the vortex scythe to the ground. If only there were another way… for his sake. Although she was certain she had never met Wario in her life, the only thing in the world she wanted now was to feel his warm embrace.
“Mother, what’s wrong!?” Lubba continued to yell, struggling like a tortoise to get on his feet but it just wasn’t in the cards.
“What are you waiting for, my dreadlord!?” Kolorado squealed with sick pleasure. “Kill me!”
“Whatever happens…” Wario yelled. “I’ll always love you! Please, don’t forget that!”
The Mother of Lumas pulled at her hair, unable to contain the conflicting emotions that were swirling inside of her. Who am I?, she thought. She wanted to protect and yet she wanted to destroy. She desired both chaos and order yet could be satisfied by neither.
In that instant, she collapsed into darkness. She continued to sink, as though being engulfed by a vast and completely black ocean, kind of like the Sea of Abysses but even scarier. Once she finally hit the sea floor, three figures stood over her. She clamored to her feet, finding herself face to face with a woman she recognized as Rosalina. Her eyes were shut and there was no life remaining in her. The lifeless corpses of all of the luma children were floating all around her. The Mother of Lumas couldn’t help but feel an incredible emptiness when looking at this poor woman.
She turned and locked eyes with another of the three. It was unmistakable that this man was the hero who had saved the world from chaos those many years ago. It was Waluigi, proudly meeting her eyes. He nodded solemnly, though she did not entirely understand the meaning of all this. He stood in front of a blue door, sealed by a complicated array of dark runes and demon chains.
And then she turned to meet with the last figure, eyes glowing red and pulsating with a dark aura. It was none other than Kooper, the dreadlord of Organization Enigma, wielding a bloody scythe and sitting impatiently atop a massive pile of severed heads. In the pile she recognized Prince Peasley, Mail Toad, O’Chunks, Jonathan Jones, and Chaos Burt the Bashful. It was clear that his hunger for blood was far from satiated because he was growling at her.
Suddenly, the blue door threw itself open and the Mother of Lumas witnessed the vortex of chaos that existed on the other side. Though she wanted to run from it, her legs would not obey and she remained fixated in front of the vicious portal. The three who surrounded her seized her immediately. As she struggled to get free, a booming cackle echoed through the air. Belome’s gigantic figure rose from over the horizon, his colossal tongue bellowing with flames. Compared to him, the Mother of Lumas was as small and powerless as an ant.
As Belome roared in demonic tongues, the subtitles at the bottom of the screen read “Embrace chaos!” With one mighty step, the entire landscape around the Mother of Lumas began crumbling. Belome roared out another cacophony of indescribable foreign words. “Enter the door to my realm, my poor lost child!” the subtitles faithfully read.
“NO!” the Mother of Lumas struggled, but was helpless to fight back as Waluigi, Kooper, and Rosalina flung her through the door and into chaos. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Kooper’s eyes shot open. He was breaking out in sweat. He had had this dream and variants thereof every single night since his resurrection, but could not derive any meaning out of them. Obviously he was the dreadlord Kooper, merciless and powerful, yet unquestionably loyal to his followers. Lumas were weak, stupid, and useless, and were of absolutely no value to him or his organization.
“Good morning, my dreadlord!” yelled Kolorado, marching dutifully into the room with a fresh pot of coffee as black as the darkness within Kooper’s soul. “Ready to initiate our big secret plan to take down the Shadow Koo once and for all?” he asked, pouring a fresh cup. Smells great!
“Kolorado…” Kooper growled, shaking away the visions that had haunted him only moments prior.
“What’s good, boss?” Kolorado said, happily placing Kolorado’s pretty pink coffee cup on his nightstand and turning to open the blinds and let a little sunshine in.
“I… no, it’s… it’s nothing… Forget it…” Kooper muttered.
“Alrighty then!” Kolorado said. “Better sharpen your scythes, my dreadlord! It’s a long way to Goomba Village!” He left the room, whistling merrily.
Kooper examined his Chaos Scythe, stained with the blood of so many of his victims. “I have to kill them all…” He said to himself. His reflection gazed back at him. He wondered when it would show who he was inside.