Chapter Two: The Beginning of Eternal Sorrow

Pirahna plant grove writhed listlessly as Elvin Gadd trounced through the lashing tendrils in his enormous mechano armor pants.

“FORWARD!” snarled E. Gadd, flailing wildly at the controls, “Find the wretch and kill him! The kingdom is at stake! All will be laid to waste if we do not stop him!”

E. Gadd’s troop of murderous Ninjis follow in tow in their own stilted mecha pants. The one following up the rear stumbled and lagged behind because he was stupid.

From the brambles a cloaked figure dropped, dual wielding daggers. Silently he dropped behind the lagging Ninji and placed his knives against his throat.

“Make one noise and I kill you nine times before you hit the ground.”

The ninji said okay and they continued silently forward without a word. Then, the figure leapt into the air and jumped into the center of the group.

“I HAVE YOU NOW!” It exclaimed, and threw eighteen knives, and the ninjis and their mechano pants all exploded.

E. Gadd veered around and gasped in shock because he was surprised, “It’s YOU! The person we’ve been looking for!”

“Yes!” Boomed the cloaked figure proudly, “You couldn’t find me, because I was hiding!”

“Ah!!” E. Gadd said.

“And now, when I kill you, I will have the eighth key of The Prophecy and I won’t need you any more!”

“I won’t let you!” E. Gadd shouted, and drew his colt pistol only to have it knocked out of his hand by four throwing knives. “Blast!”

The figure laughed deeply under its hood, “That is no way to treat someone as powerful as me. Your time is up Elvin!”

Suddenly, the figure threw off his cloak to reveal his true identity.


“But it is,” Tuxie the Penguin said with a vicious smirk, “I have been tricking you into following me all this time so that I could take your key!”

“You have NO idea what you are doing, Tuxie! The power is too much! The Prophecy won’t allow it!”

“No one will be able to stop me. I am the true chosen one. HA HA HA!!”

E. Gadd felt fear in his heart from the wicked laugh, he needed to escape.

“There is no escape!” Tuxie bellowed. E. Gadd screamed.

“If you want to live, you will have to compete against me in the sport of my people. If you win, I will not kill you. If you lose, you will be killed and have to give me the key.”

E. Gadd raised an eyebrow. “What sport?”

Tuxie drew out a small blue stone, and gathered magic into it, and blasted out a ray of freezing mana. With it, he created a slippery frosty slide that veered and turned sharply all the way through the grove. “Why, only the best sport of them all!”

“BUTT SLIDING!!” Tuxie roared magnificently.

And so, E.Gadd and Tuxie got into position.

“Okay. One, two, three, GO!”

E. Gadd wrenched the levers and the mechano pants began sliding dangerously over the narrow stretch of ice. Tuxie slid along side at mach 2, and the two sped down the slippery slope.

Bumping into each other, they growled and push and shoved and snarled at lightning speed. But then, E.Gadd leaned too far to the left and plummeted over the side. He tumbled, exploding, and screaming, “NOOOOO!” he shrieked as he fell into the hungry mouths of the pirahna plants.

“BAHAHAHAHAH!” Tuxie sneered, and held up the final key. “And now the ritual can finally begin!”


Lightning crackled above as the two figures faced each other on the perilous and slippery rooftop of Bowser’s castle.  Lady Lima held her double-sided katana steady at her side, facing her former lover.  “How could you?”  She sobbed.  “How could you betray our kingdom as well?”

The Chancellor steadied his fedora and let out a long drag from his cigar.  “I can’t stop myself, sweet cheeks.  The power inside of me is growing.  I can’t control it.”

“That power is darkness!”  Lady Lima screamed.  “The darkness will consume you whole!”

“No, it won’t.”

“Yes, it will!”

“No, it won’t.”

“But it will!”

“No, it won’t.  I’m very familiar with the prophecy, honey biscuits.  Big Lantern Ghost told me about the Omniblade before he was killed by Punchinello’s goons.”

Monty Moles with sawed off shotguns began climbing from below.  A sinister chuckle could be heard from behind the two.  Lady Lima turned to find Mouser, cloaked in black and brandishing a revolver with his golden hook. 

“It’s THE END, lovebirds.”

Lady Lima clung to the Chancellor desperately.  “You mustn’t make this mistake!  Too many of our companions have been killed because of the Chaos Door!  It was never meant to be opened!”

“I won’t be consumed by the darkness,” The Chancellor reassured the sobbing Beanbean.  “I can control it.  Seriously, I won’t be consumed by the darkness.  Seriously.”

“Enough talk,” Mouser snarled as he shot eighteen bullets in the air.  “You’re finished.  Say hi to Lava Piranha when you go to hell after you die!”

“Not today, Mouser!”  The Chancellor shouted.  “I can’t die.  Not yet.”

With that said, the Chancellor brought Lady Lima towards him and kissed her passionately for two minutes.  As they broke apart, giant bat wings sprung from the Chancellor’s back and he flew through the pouring rain into the horizon.

Lady Lima stared Mouser down and brought out both of her double sided katanas.  She spit out her chewing tobacco and killed ten Monty Moles in ten blows.  Then she dropkicked Mouser into a chimney.

“Ow,” Mouser said.

Lady Lima then ran down the side of the castle, did a backflip, and landed in the hands of Parakarry. 

“I am relieved that you are safe, Lady Lima.”

“We must go retrieve the Sacred Jewel of the Dynast-Koopa, Parakarry.”

“Of course, my lady.  It is as you say.”

Both warriors also flew into the horizon.  Mouser gritted his teeth in frustration as he staggered to his feet.

“You may have escaped this time, but just you wait.  Neither of the kingdoms will stand a chance against Organization Enigma.”


A red-cloaked figure scurried through the damp city streets of Bosley, a small, dank town in the southern reaches of Pipe Land.  The rain was heavy, and few denizens dared to wander in the dark, wet streets.

The figure scurried into an alley and came to a door with a barely legible label reading “Bolgia 4”.  It knocked on the door and a pair of glowing red eyes revealed themselves from behind a metal latch.

“What’s the password?” it demanded in a low, gruff voice.

The short, mysterious figure glanced down the alley to make sure he’d not been followed. “Super mushroom,” he recited.

The alley rattled at the sound of several heavy locks being undone, and shortly after, the rusty door creaked open.  The figure stepped inside the tavern and removed his cloak. 

The smell of smoke and mildew emanated off the wet tavern walls.  A few rough-looking Goombas, Koopas and Podoboos glared at the stranger. He wiped a strand of wet hair from over his eye and took a seat at the bar.

“You,” he said to the bartender.  “I’d like a glass of milk, please.”

The barkeep began to fulfill his request, but was interrupted.

“…in a dirty glass!”

The other occupants of the tavern were caught off-guard by this daring request, and some chatter began to arise among the crowd alongside some glances at the bold green man.

“You think you’re tough enough to handle that?” the barkeeper asked, raising a massive white brow.

“Me?” the Beanbean began.  “I don’t care anymore…”

The barkeeper came back with a slightly smudgy mug full of milk.  He slid it over to the Beanbean, who looked back at him.

“I think I know you from somewhere,” he said, observing the barkeep.

The barkeeper was a large goomba with five-o-clock shadow and a huge white mustache.  His pants were white with red stripes, and he had a lazy eye.  The most notable feature, however, was the crown that decorated his head.

“It’s been a long time, Peasley,” King Goomba grunted. “What brings you to these parts?”

Peasley looked to the side for a moment, trying to figure out precisely how to word his grim news.  “I came to find you, actually…”

There was an awkward silence for a few moments. Neither party could think of what to make of the awkward reunion.  Peasley sipped his drink and finally spoke.

“Your majesty,” Peasley started. “I have terrible news…”

King Goomba looked worried.  Peasley remained silent for several seconds and the massive mushroom grew concerned. “What!?” he barked. “What is it!?”

Peasley looked into his murky glass of milk.  “Waluigi is missing.”

King Goomba bit his lip.  “What are you talking about, Peasley?”

“It’s true!” Peasley shouted, fighting back tears.  “Nobody’s heard from him in a week!  DAD only knows if he’s even alive anymore!”

“Not Waluigi…” King Goomba muttered, a single tear rolling down his cheek.  “What the hell did he do? WHY WALUIGI!?”

Peasley finished his milk and set down the unclean mug.  He rose from his seat and turned for the door. “I thought you’d like to know…”

“This can’t be happening…” King Goomba mumbled.   “Is there no hope?”

Peasley swiftly turned and looked him dead in the eyes.  “I’m going to look for him. I have to find him! The prophecy MUST BE FULFILLED, DAMMIT!” he announced, banging his hand on the counter.

King Goomba kicked a chair in frustration. “Dammit, Waluigi…”

Peasley grabbed his cloak, revolver and Magical Crescent Necklace his grandfather gave him just before he passed away.  “I’ll see you around… and I promise… I’ll have him with me!”

With that, the prince started back out into the pouring rain.


Pennington was furious. “TOAD! THIS IS THE END!” Toad felt nervous.

“I had to do it! There was no choice!” Toad screamed.

Pennington narrowed his black dots of eyes. “Sham bam bamina.” Toad slumped over from the bullet fired from Pennington’s gold revolver. Pennington walked over and picked up the gem. It was the Jewel of the Melancholy Perils, and Pennington had it. He looked at the sickening mauve casing which housed the swirling souls of tortured spirits, which were also of a sickening mauve tint. He went down to the secret base in the secret room of the secret painting in the secret museum in the secret Poshley Heights. There he met the Priest, a cloaked figure with shining, amber eyes.

“The Order has come into the possesion of the Anceint Machine of Destined Agony. When we use the Jewel of Meloncholy Perils in this machine, our Order of the Crying Fire Flower then our goal shall be accomplished,” the ominous figure stated.

“Indeed, Father,” Pennington replied. “With this, we can usher in the terror descriped in the Prophecy.”

“Yes, and then you and I, Pennington, we shall rule over this puny world.”

Pennington’s eyes sparkled an evil glow, and his chubby penguin exterior casted a demonic glow. “Yes. All according to plan.”

The Priest then took the vomit-inducing mauve gem and stuck in into its place among the stone gears and levers. It started churning. Slowly, then faster, then even faster, then so fast it was more than the combined power of seventy-two jetpacks. The Priest started cackling. The Power of the Swirling Vortex had been awakened. Pennington stood in horror. He was half-scared, half-excited, half-worred. Then the Priest approached him.

“Pennington! This is the start of my great rule over this world!”

“Don’t you mean our rule, Father?”

“No, Pennington. The Vortex demands a sacrifice. And you are the only one here besides myself.”

Pennington was frightened. He fired eight bullets from his revolver into the Priest’s forehead, but his evil devoured them. He walked closer. Pennington evaded, running and running. But he couldn’t escape. The Priest was kind of like nine feet tall, and Pennington was a lame two feet. There’s no way he could have run away, even if he did have those seventy-two jetpacks. The Priest grabbed the obese Sherlock Holmes wannabe, and he flailed as if he were about to die, because he was. Then he was launched into the vortex, and all was encompassed by mauve…

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