The setting sun burned crimson in the horizon as the two armies collided over the wartorn plains of Bean Bean valley. Doom ships cut broad swathes of death through the Mushroom Kingdom forces and rained destruction upon the helpless villages below.
Luigi rocketed and weaved with his jetpack through the swarms of unrelenting doomships like an enraged hornet. His prized katana singing, he sliced through the bo-bomb and bullet bill cannons with fluid grace. Finally, upon finding the heart of one of these towering beasts, he pried open the engine panel and ripped at the wiring with feral desperation. Failure was not an option.
“Stop right there, you big palooka!”
Luigi wrenched his neck just in time to react, he backflipped across the deck of the doomship and narrowly avoided the slice of his enemy’s sythe.
Luigi recovered from his tumble, and narrowed his brow. “It’s… YOU. But I killed you in Delfino years ago.”
Kooper grimaced, chewing on his billowing cigar. He readied his sythe and ignited his jetpack, “I thought I’d return the favor.”
Luigi leapt aside as Kooper swooped past him like grim death. The emerald plumber tried desperately to ignite his jetpack, but Kooper viciously would not give him a moment’s reprieve.
The Doom Ship was already losing altitute, the engine burst into flames from the tampered wiring. The explosion distracted Kooper just enough for Luigi to dive overboard, and tumble headlong at the speed of sound towards the rock-hard ground.
His jetpack roared to life in an instant that seemed to last a century. Unsheathing his katana, Luigi brought it up just in time to block Kooper’s next attack.
The blades grinded and trembled together as Kooper and Luigi glared hatefully into one another’s eyes.
“You can’t run from your past forever, Luigi,” Kooper snarled, “No matter what you do, it won’t erase what you’ve done! You killed your own father!”
“SHUT UP!” Luigi roared, and slammed his elbow deep into Kooper’s chest, “I WILL FULFILL THE PROPHECY!”
Kooper reeled back, winded, and was sent tumbling through the obscurity of a smiling cloud. Luigi had no more time to lose. His jetpack groaned as Luigi zoomed off at speeds beyond what the engine was designed to handle. Behind him, Kooper had regrouped with a fleet of paragoombas, but he would not let them close in on him. His engine groaned and sparked as it was brought to the breaking point. Booster’s tower was just ahead.
“C’mon. Just a little farther…!”
Bullet bills zipped by him at tremdous speeds, and narrowly evading, Luigi finally burst through the stain glass window of the highest tower of the tower. He tumbled to the ground, his arm broken and his body battered. The enemy was rapidly closing in, and he only allowed himself one moment to glimpse upon the artifact in awe before seizing it.
With a triumphant roar, Luigi proclaimed “SHIIIINE GEEEEETTT!!!” and all was bathed in a blinding trascending light.
The sun shone down mercilessly upon a solitary gray Shy Guy staggering through the desert. Each step through the golden sands drove Anti Guy closer and closer to madness. But he had to proceed. The fate of the kingdoms depended on it.
The prophecy had stated that the 1-Up Hearts were to be found in the middle of Desert Land. He had started out with a band of merry Koopas on Ostros, but they had all been swallowed up by quicksand immediately after setting off. Anti Guy was left alone, with only his two chainsaws and rocket boots.
A chilling screech was suddenly heard from above. Anti Guy looked up and saw a single Albatoss. There was nothing odd about that, for Albatoss were common in this area. He thought nothing of it and continued his perilous trek.
Anti Guy collapsed on the hot desert sands. All hope was lost. He had failed his kingdom. He cursed the fates as he prepared himself for his certain death.
But what was that? The Shy Guy squinted his eyes to focus on the blurry image in front of him.
It was an oasis!
Anti Guy immediately got up to his feet without effort and ran fifty miles toward where the oasis was. But right when he was two inches away, five hundred grenades rained from the sky. In a massive explosion, the oasis was soon deoasised.
“HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!”
Anti Guy looked up and saw his nemesis, Dr. The Angry Sun. Accompanying the giant ball of fire was a pack of eight hundred and four Albatoss.
“You have escaped me for the last time, Anti Guy!” Dr. The Angry Sun cackled maniacally as he sent swarm after swarm of Albatoss at the gray Shy Guy. “Now you will die, probably!”
Explosions were everywhere. Left to right. Up and down. Diagonally. Sort of to the left, but not that far. Anti Guy managed to dodge all of these with exceptional skill.
Chain Chomps began bursting out of the ground, their fangs seeking Shy Guy flesh. Anti Guy stabbed through four Chain Chomps with his chainsaw in a single thrust, cut their chains, and began swinging the Chomp heads at other Chomps, causing them to explode. Tornadoes of sand began forming and soared toward Anti Guy, but he cut the tornadoes into eighty pieces each.
Dr. The Angry Sun was mildly irritated as all of his subordinates were dispatched in eight seconds. He began firing meteors of flaming death at Anti Guy. But Anti Guy dashed up a nearby mountain and with one last burst of strength, jabbed both chainsaws in Dr. The Angry Sun’s eyes.
Dr. The Angry Sun screamed horribly as his eyes were jabbed by two chainsaws. He fell down towards the earth and exploded, sending all of Desert Land aflame immediately. Anti Guy managed to dodge this with his rocket boots. As all of Desert Land horribly burned to death, Anti Guy shook his head sadly. He found the 1-up hearts on the ground right next to him, and placed them in his robe.
“The prophecy must be fulfilled.”
It was night time over Diamond City, 1:25 AM to be precise. Everybody was asleep, except for one man in his office building, counting his money.
“WA HA HA!” Wario announced over his freshly counted stack of dough. “That’s-a lotta money!”
Wario was very successful in his business, Wario Ware Incorporated. They invented a new type of video game called a microgame that was only about five seconds long! Despite the short length, most of them sold very well. Because of this, Wario was making a lot of money, and was even doing it legally.
“I’m-a the weennah!” Wario announced to himself.
Wario was not the only one stirring in Diamond City this night. Inside a nearby house, one restless boy was staring mindlessly into his double-screened, sticker-rigged LCD paradise.
9-Volt was on level 9 of Ultra Klingon Disaster Wars, and he was about to break the high score. Sweat dripped down his helmet as he carefully maneuvered through all of the obstacles, being especially careful not to come in contact with any of them, and making sure not to get hit in the process.
“Come on! Five more!” he shouted, leaning closer to the small screen. “Shoot! Turn left! Turn right! TURN LEEEEFFTT!!”
9-Volt’s last life was suddenly taken by a rock on the bottom screen. 9-Volt yelled out in anger, as he was only 2 points away from beating 18-Volt’s High Score of 340,012,299,918,237,226. “This game is SO STUPID!”
Suddenly, his screen glowed a bright green color. The boy looked in awe as the light spread from out of his Nintendo Dual Screen Entertainment System Lite and engulfed the entire room.
“W-what’s going on!?” he shouted frantically.
“The prophecy… it has begun…” boomed a mysterious voice from the green light.
“Who said that!?” 9-Volt demanded. “Who are you!? AAAAAAAAAAGGHHH!!!”
The glowing ceased, and all that remained was a Dual Screen Entertainment System.
“I’m-a rich!” Wario continued to announce.
Suddenly, he heard a knock at his door.
“WHA!?” Wario shouted, confused. He managed to pull himself away from his money and pull open the door.
“Whaddya want!? I’m-a so-a busy-a!” Wario complained to the mysterious hooded figure behind the door.
What was under the hood was clearly not visible, except for two glowing green eyes. There were two angel wings on the back of the mysterious stranger, and he was carrying a suitcase.
“Wario, is it?” the figure hissed.
“YEAH.” Wario shouted, angrily.
“I thought so… hehehehe…”
“Whaddya want? What is-a that!?” Wario complained as the figure opened the suitcase.
“Wario…” it began, pulling out a magical glowing star stone. “You are the chosen one!”
The night was dark. A silver hue shined from the moon behind the clouds as the chilling frosty winds swept along the galleon. The creaking of the ship’s lines was the only accompanying sound to the chorus of gusty gales blowing in the seaworthy vessel’s white sails. A figure stepped onto the ship from the parked helicopter. A shark pirate looked at him, cockeyed. “You came in a HELICOPTER?!”
The figure jump-kicked from the void of green lines and head-punted the pirate in the back of the head. After snapping his neck, the figure walked into the captain’s quarters.
The captain, Jonathon Jones, sipped lightly on his translucent, sparkling rum filled with carbonation bubbles, he sneered across the table as the figure entered. “Agent Smithoshi! What sin have I committed to enjoy the disdain of your company?”
Agent Smithoshi, a sunglasses wearing Goomba, who also wore a black-gray fedora, stood in the doorway as lightning struck behind him. “Sorry I’m late, Cap’n.” The Goomba’s tiny feet shuffle across the wooden floor towards the captain’s desk. “I was finishing up a boxing match.”
Jones through his glass against the wind. “What is it you want? The sooner you’re gone, the better.”
Smithoshi jumped onto the desk angry and furious. “Shh! They’re here, you!”
“The Seventeen Arch-Angels of the Prophecy!!” The Goomba spat.
Jonathon Jones swallowed hard and drank his rum from his wine glass. He looked curtly out the window and bared his teeth in the soft light of the moon. “An old legend that lives on only through the lips of the sky and breath of the wind.” He turned around.
Smithoshi shook his head. “Tsk, tsk, Jones. You have little faith in the matters of the judgment. Take a look.”
BLAM! A golden medallion with a watch in it drops onto the desk. The pirate shark eyes it and his face changes from angry to frightened. “So it’s true. It has finally come to be.” The Goomba nodded. Jones glared at him. “Ye must fulfill the prophecy!”
Smithoshi snarled like a lion with HIV. “I WAS THE ONE WHO CAME HERE!”
Jones snatched the medallion in his hand. “And too long your stay has been. My regards to Davy Jones!”
A trapdoor beneath Agent Smithoshi opens and he plummets toward the water. At the last second he escapes via the void of green lines. Jonathon grimaces at the golden watch and instructs his men.
“Set sail for …Lavalava Island.”