Backflipping through the rippling painting, MIPS dropped down into a dark room with his cloak billowing after him. The only light in this darkened hall came from the shadows emminating from the Nightmare Scepter that MIPS wielded.
“So,” boomed a malevolant voice from beyond the inky black shadowy pitch darkness, “Once again we meet for the first time.”
“Wise Wisterwood,” spat MIPS, “I should have known.”
At once MIPS saw the calculated face of Wise Wisterwood staring down at him. This had all been part of his plan.
“You can’t stop the Brotherhood of Nightmares,” MIPS warned, “We WILL find SANCTUARY, and then it will be too late.”
Wise Wisterwood looked to the side, out the window overlooking Bob-omb Battlefield. “Tall, Tall mountain is burning,” he said, “It is only a matter of time before Fahr Outpost joins us.”
“Do you think I’m afraid?!” MIPS stomped forward, “Because I am not afraid OR scared. You think ANYTHING can stop my ambition? The ministry is on our side and the Nightmare Scepter will behave only ME!”
Wise Wisterwood could only laugh, the irony was too much.
“THIS IS NOT A JOKE, WISTERWOOD,” MIPS slammed his fist into a stone column and shattered it completely, “I have come to put a stop to you, and reclaim the AEON relics.”
Wisterwood’s chuckle slowly subsided, “They are useless without the Forbidden Radiance. Did you know that? Hinopio made sure of that.”
MIPS could only grin smugly. Wisterwood had no way of knowing what had happened to Hinopio.
“Tell me, Wise Wisterwood, What do you hope to achieve? Once the Chaos Door has been open, there will be no turning back.”
“The Prophecy was NOT mistranslated. I don’t want to believe in it any more than you do, but the Chosen One has been found and there is no point in try
MIPS turned to the window, “You are a fool to trust your fate to Il Piantissimo. He will never achieve CONTACT.”
“Even so, he has gained control of the Zohar Engine. I will not desert my oldest and dearest friend.”
“I will make sure he recieves an invitation to your funeral,” MIPS chortled. “Did you know, my wooden friend, that The LAMBS have already infiltrated Tubular? The Special Stage has been lost while you all have been wasting your time hunting down the Apocolypse Cloak.”
“I know that.”
“WHAT?!” MIPS shouted, “Why do you continue then? It’s hopeless!”
“Because,” Wise Wisterwood explained, “I know something that you do not.
MIPS was becoming sick and tired of Wisterwood’s insipid prattle, “And what, praytell, is that?”
“The true purpose of the Seventeen Arch-Angels of the Prophecy.”
MIPS’ eyes widened and he couldn’t stop freaking out.
*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*
“The Don will see youse now.”
Koopie Koo holstered her dual chain guns as the door to the Rogueport Syndicate’s office closed with an ominous thunk. Stepping forward past the armed Pinata thugs, she saw Frankie within the absolute pitch darkness with his sunglasses shining brightly.
“It has been too long,” mumbled the mob boss, “I wish we could have met again on a happier occasion.” He was stroking a white cat and also eating a bowl of spaghetti, “As it stands, however, the war of the two kingdoms has made everyone very sad and not happy. It is a miserable state of affairs that requires me to request the services of Koopie Koo, ‘The Blood Hands'”
Koopie Koo grimaced, “Cut the hogwash!” she rasped, “Who am I putting on ice today?”
Frankie growled and slammed his fist into the desk, “The doof killed my FRANCESCA! I won’t ever forget that scummy dirtwad as long as I live!”
Koopie Koo raised an eyebrow, “You want me to take out the Rawk Hawk?”
Standing up, Frankie peered out through the Venetian blinds of his office between mouthfuls of spaghetti. “These are dark times we’re living in,” he explained, “I’m not going to believe in any Prophecy that intends to let a murderer like him go free. It’s against the LAW, and I won’t abide law breaking.”
“But The Prophecy…!”
“SHUT UP!” Screamed Frankie, “I DON’T CARE! I am calling in every favor you owe the syndicate. If you refuse, I will see to it that Luigi never makes it to the Eternal Star stage.”
“…”
Frankie took out a fireflower from his waistcoat, he slammed it down on the desk and slid it over to Koopie Koo.
“The Bean Beans are trying to ascend to SANCTUARY.”
Koopie Koo hesitated, “They don’t understand what it really is.”
Frankie frowned and adjusted his shimmering glasses.
“Kill Rawk Hawk and maybe I’ll help you.”
Koopie Koo accepted the fire flower and left the office at once.
As she left the item shop, the plaza was rocked by an explosion and someone threw a car at Koopie Koo.
“OH YEAAAAAH! Looks like SOMEONE is gonna get RAWK’D!!”
Koopie Koo leapt into the air and ran across the hurled car as it hurtled towards the brick wall. Swan diving off the end bumper, she whipped out her chain guns and hailed bullets toward Rawk Hawk. He back flipped out of the way and punched Koopie in the face and sent her tumbling back.
She spit out a bloody tooth as she pulled herself off the pavement, “You’re not leaving this street alive, Hawk. Give up now and I won’t make you suffer.”
“NO WAY JOSE!!!!”
Koopie Koo open fired again, only to have the shots deflected as Rawk Hawk used a slab of concrete as a shield. Yanking a lamp post clean from the street, he swiped at Koopie Koo, narrowly missing as she weaved in and out of the attacks.
“SLAMMA JAMMA!!!” Rawk Hawk shouted hurled the lamppost at his opponent like a javelin. Koopie Koo’s chain guns brought it down, and suddenly she whipped her trench coat open wide and sent fourteen throwing knives speeding towards Rawk Hawk. They sank deep into his chest, making him howl in pain.
“OHHH! WHO’S gonna pay for that? YOU’RE gonna pay for that. OH YEAAAAAH!!”
“Bring it on, tubby!” Koopie hissed.
Suddenly, through the smoke and glowing embers of the smoldering plaza, they saw upon the rooftops the spectral image of Big Lantern Ghost’s spirit from beyond the grave.
“It is time,” he said.
*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*
Goombario readied his ninety-shot bazooka menacingly. “I’m warning you,” He growled. “This baby can shoot ninety times.”
“Ha!”
Kylie Koopa spit out her chewing tobacco and lit four cigars while finishing her cigarette. She then began swinging her chainsaw nunchucks.
“You need to finish her,” Captain Syrup said urgently to her Goomba lover. “She’s one of the Masters of the Lost Covenant.”
“Oh, fuck.”
Goombario now knew the full urgency of the situation. Everything was on the line now. The Prophecy, the Chaos Door, even the Cataclysm Sanctuary was at stake. But most importantly, the soul of their beloved companion was at risk. If he lost now, Sluggy the Unshaven would be sent to the Omega Realm.
“I can’t lose now, Kylie Koopa,” Goombario said solemnly. “If I lose now, that would really, really suck.”
“But there’s no way you can win, you fool!” Kylie cackled. “Remember Roger the Potted Ghost?”
“Uh…no, actually, I don’t know who that is.”
“Well, I killed him.”
“Ah. Okay.”
Kylie then leaped into the air and screamed for no reason. She landed on her feet. Then she did a triple backflip and a quadruple somersault. She landed on her feet again. Then she threw a chainsaw at Goombario.
“You’ll have to do better than that, Kylie!” Goombario scoffed.
“You don’t understand, you simpleton! That’s a CHAOS CHAINSAW!”
“NO!”
Goombario stared at the whirling chainsaw in horror. It was black. Black as the notes of the Dark Sonata itself.
“GOOMBARIO!” Captain Syrup screamed.
“What?”
“DODGE IT!”
But it was way too late. The Chaos Chainsaw sliced off Goombario’s right arm. Blood spurted everywhere as Goombario collapsed on the ground convulsing in pain.
“Goombario, are you all right?!”
“Nope.”
“HA HA HA HA HA!!!” Kylie chuckled lightly. “Now you see what you’re dealing with. Chaos can accomplish anything!”
Goombario staggered to his feet, but collapsed on the ground and vomited violently. The pain was overwhelming. He tried to get up again, but instead threw up eighty times. But he NEEDED to stop throwing up and being gross. He NEEDED to get up. Sluggy was waiting for them. Goombario clenched his teeth together and stood.
“You…could never…understand…Kylie.”
“What?!”
“Have you ever flown in a dream?” Goombario whispered. “That tingling feeling turns me into a hero who rescues my friends from monsters. Monsters like YOU.”
“Your self-righteousness is pitiful!” Kylie snarled.
“You’ve joined the side of darkness, Kylie,” Goombario spoke in a louder and stronger voice. “But you see, we are the guards of beautiful nature! We’ll never stop our big adventure till the glorious day of the final victory!”
Kylie’s eyes widened in horrific realization. “You…you met…HIM?!”
“That’s right,” Captain Syrup answered. “We are the disciples of Mr. Zingo, Chief Prosecutor of the Land of Lost Dreams.”
“I thought that was a myth!”
“It wasn’t.”
“Oh.”
“I’m the winner among all the brave players of dreamland!” Goombario shouted spectacularly.
“I DON’T BELIEVE IT!” Kylie shrieked. “I DON’T! SERIOUSLY!”
“NOW!” Goombario bellowed. “I’M GOING TO PUSH THE LIMITS OF MY ABILITIES!”
“NOOOOO!!!”
“ULTIMATE ATTACK!” Goombario announced. “POWERFUL JUMP!”
Goombario leaped and dropkicked Kylie in the face. It broke every bone in her face. Kylie crumpled on the ground, clutching her face.
“Owwwww.”
In celebration of their foe’s defeat, Goombario and Captain Syrup decided to make out for a half-hour. After that, Goombario walked over to Kylie who was still clutching her broken, bleeding face.
“Now do you feel what I have suffered?” Goombario whispered as he wept silently. “Now do you see the life I have lead? “
“Ah, how beauty shines in the warrior who is trying his best!” A mocking evil voice rang out.
Goombario looked up immediately. Those pre-pubescent squeaks filled him with dread, not just because they were really irritating, but because he recognized that voice.
“No…”
Kooper floated down from the skies with his Chaos Scythe in hand. He looked upon his former friend without a flicker of recognition.
“Why, Kooper? WHY?!”
“Haven’t you realized the truth yet?!” Kooper laughed. “All of your friends have betrayed you. Look! Behind you! SOMEONE’S WATCHING YOU.”
Goombario turned frantically and saw Sluggy the Unshaven watching him. Sluggy was in a dark cloak and his eyes were red like the color of evil.
“He was part of Organization Enigma this whole time,” Kooper explained.
“SLUGGY?! WHY?! WHYYYY?!”
“In the end,” Kooper chuckled softly as he pointed at Sluggy. “He will be the last man standing.”
Sluggy grabbed his plasma rifle and aimed straight at Goombario’s head. He grinned wickedly. “Hey! You can’t beat me! Wow!”
Goombario choked back a sob as he leaned on Captain Syrup in despair. The despairs and sufferings of his long, weary life were collapsing upon him and he realized one last thing before his untimely death.
There were no Keys to the Chaos Door. Belome had lied.
*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*
Parakarry woke up on a cold, wet, stone floor. The lighting was poor, but he could make out chains hanging from the roof. He felt a swelling in his chest and coughed seven times. He couldn’t manage to stand up.
His forehead felt wet, so he felt it with his hand. It was covered in blood. Slowly, Parakarry began to recall where he was, and an immense fear began to grow inside him.
“Let me out of here!” he yelled, crawling to the steel door and banging on it. “Anybody! HELP!!” Tears filled his eyes and he continued to bellow at the top of his lungs, but nobody heard his cries. He slumped in the corner and cried. All hope was lost, it seemed.
“My my, are we upset?” came a voice from the other side of the door.
Parakarry now regretted making such a fuss, and did not respond.
A loud series of clangs and jingles came from the other side of the door. Parakarry’s heart began to beat faster, and he looked for some place to hide. There was none, for it was a very small room without much in it.
The door swung open and a shadowy figure stepped in. Parakarry could not make out his features in the poor light, but he knew who it was, although he certainly wished he didn’t.
“Please, I beg of you,” Parakarry pleaded helplessly. “You have to stop all this! The Rope of Fear cannot be underestimated!”
“You know it won’t work,” chuckled the figure as he lit a cigar. “We can’t stop this thing now if we wanted to. Please, try to look on the bright side of things; there could be something amazing behind the door.”
“It’s… probably evil!” Parakarry said. “We can’t take that chance!”
The figure laughed louder now, with smoke drifting from his lungs into the postman’s helpless face.
“There’s still a chance… Doopliss can stop this, just find him and-“
“Doopliss?” growled the figure, who threw the cigar violently into the wall where it exploded. “Doopliss can’t save you now. Doopliss is dead. I watched him die myself, along with that disgusting slob, Megasmilax.”
The words rang through Parakarry’s head like a thousand and seven banshees. It couldn’t be true. Parakarry’s jaw dropped, and the little bit of hope that he had left disappeared. Doopliss couldn’t be gone. He wouldn’t let himself believe it.
“Twink will never let you get away with this…” Parakarrry said, tears filling his eyes.
“I find it interesting,” chuckled the figure. “…that you put so much faith in Twink.”
“What are you talking about?” Parakarry growled. “Twink is my friend!”
“Oh, some friend he is. Who do you think gave us the location of the Goblet of Eternal Blizzard in the first place?”
“You… don’t mean…”
“Twink wanted you dead from the beginning,” chuckled the figure. “He told us how much you trusted him and we laughed about it last Wednesday.”
“TWINK!” Parakarry roared. “YOU TRAITOR! TRAITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRR!!”
“Now you realize,” the figure said, lighting a new cigar. “That we hold all the cards.” He pulled out a rusty knife.
“No, please!” Parakarry yelled. “I… I can help you! I’ll join your side!”
“Sorry, bub,” the figure said, stepping closer. “You had your chance. Now you lose.”
“You are DOOMING US ALL!” the parakoopa cried, managing to rise to his feet and back away from the figure. “THE PROPHECY HAS WARNED AGAINST THIS VERY EVENT! THIS. CAN’T. HAPPEN!”
“Silence!” roared the figure, jabbing the knife into Parakarry’s right arm. The postman yelped as he felt his arm become warm with blood. The pain was overwhelming, and he fell to his knees before the figure.
“I’ve been waiting for this my whole life,” the figure said, smiling.
In one flash of lightning, the horrifying face of Chaos Yellow Ninjakoopa was imprinted in Parakarry’s mind. He let out a blood-curdling scream as all of his intestines were ripped out with one fell swoop of the knife.