Chapter Four: The Fate of Arch-Angel

“Never thought I’d be working with you,” Goombario spat.  The two scars on his face that made an X like Rurouni Kenshin burned from the dark memories of the past and also from the acid that had been sprayed upon it by Chaos Valentina and her army of ghost valkyries.

“Yeah, well, beggars can’t be choosers,” growled the hooded woman.  She hissed as her bronze arm began to glow, the pain searing through her veins.  She had known there would be a price to pay for merging with the Bronze Hand of Destiny, but she had underestimated just how staggering the pain would be.

WHAM.  A giant metal platform slammed in front of them, barely missing Goombario by an inch.  Another one of Castle Dreadnought’s traps.  As it rose up, Goombario could see the splattered remains of Monstar.

“Another dead follower of Organization Enigma, good riddance,” the hooded woman laughed mirthlessly.  “We must be on the right track.”

“Wait,” said Goombario.  “Wasn’t Monstar actually like a group of little star babies in Paper Mario.”

He lifted the body to look underneath.

“Oh ew, gross.”

“Quiet,” hissed the woman.  “Do you hear that?”

Both froze.  A loud cackling echoed down the hall.  Quickly, the two dashed down the hall and entered the throne room.


Zip Toad sat slouching on a massive throne made of skulls, giggling and kicking his feet.  In front of him was a massive pool filled with crocodiles and a bound Dribble hanging from the ceiling above it.

“This sucks!” said Dribble.

“ZIP!” Goombario barked.  Zip looked up and stared through his shades.  “WE’VE COME FOR YOU!”

“EEEHEEHAHAHOOHOO!  Not so fast, little man!” Zip laughed.  “If you take one more step, Dribble dies!”

Goombario and the hooded woman stared at Dribble for five minutes.  Finally, Goombario spoke.



“Fine, if THAT won’t stop you, then how about THIS?!” Zip Toad pulled a lever with a skull on it.  A panel in the floor began to open, and out came the Chancellor, except he was now a half Toad half bat monster hybrid with a tattered bat wing.  Encrusted into his forehead was the Sacred Jewel of the Dynast-Koopa, glowing an evil shade of red.

“My god,” Goombario said.  “What have they done to you, Arch-Angel?”

The Chancellor howled and slashed a wave of death energy at Goombario, but he used the secret art of teleportation ninjutsu to dodge it.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Arch-Angel!” Goombario yelled, swinging his Vampire Dreadblade.  “But if you don’t stop, I will HAVE to go into nightmare mode!”

“No need for that.”  The hooded woman lunged at the Chancellor and placed the Bronze Hand of Destiny on his jeweled head.

“All Mind,” she whispered, activating the key words.  As her hand began to glow, the Chancellor returned to normal for a brief second.

“L…lady Lima…”

The Chancellor’s head burst into one hundred billion pieces.  Zip Toad pooped his pants.

“Wh…who are you?!”

The hooded woman took off her hood to reveal that she was


“What, no, I’m Tayce T, you idiot.  Have you ever even SEEN Mouser?”

“N-no,” said Zip, ashamed.  “I just wanted you to think I was cool.  I didn-OWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!”

Goombario cut off Zip’s legs with the Dreadblade, and they sprouted bat wings and flew away because that’s what the Dreadblade does.

“Why does Organization Enigma want to find you so badly?” He growled.  “WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?”

“I-I-I’ll never tell!  They’ll gut me if I tell-OW!!!!!!!!!!”

Zip’s arms flew away too.

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you, god!  I’m a member of…”

Zip paused.

“The Shadow Koo.”

“The Shadow Coup?”

“No, the Shadow Koo.”

“Why are you called the Shadow Koo.”

“I…I dunno.”

“That’s so stupid, though.”

“A-anyway!  If you spare me, I-I won’t tell them you were here!  Just let me go!”

“Oh, we’ll let you go, all right,” said Tayce T., grinning.  “Let you go Into the SEA OF ABYSSES.”

Tayce T. threw Zip at a speed of five hundred thousand miles per hour through eight walls of broken glass and out of the naval fortress of Castle Dreadnought.  Goombario and Tayce T. watched him fall into the deepest underwater hells of the Sea of Abysses.

“Oh, thank goodness!” said Dribble from above.  “Thank you, guys!  I can finally go back to my wife and kids!  Thank you so-AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!”

As Dribble got eaten by a thousand alligators, Goombario let go of the skull lever.  Tayce T. looked at him, raising an eyebrow.


“Because FUCK Dribble, that’s why.”

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