Chapter Five: Blood, Barbecues, and Bananas

Mouser sharpened the Jade Dagger of Fate and pressed it against flesh.  He was prepared to make the perfect cut.  One slice was all it took.

“Please, don’t!” Penkoon pleaded.  ”You don’t have to do this!”

Mouser grinned a sinister grin and sliced his knife through the meat!  The red juices flowed out like a river!

“Really, you didn’t have to!” Penkoon laughed, receiving a cut of steak from his best friend Mouser whom he would never ever hurt even if a shadow demon forced him to.

“Oh, please,” Mouser said, wearing a festive beach party shirt with the face open like Franky from One Piece.  ”You’re my guest, after all!  How about you, Professor E. Gadd?”

“Not hungry…” E. Gadd muttered in his booming vibrato voice.  ”Got too much on my mind…”

“Oh, come off it!” Penkoon said, shaking his head.  ”I know we’ve been through some tough times, but that’s all behind us now!  The world is at peace!  The chaos door is closed!”

“But how did it open in the first place!?” E. Gadd roared and flipped over a whole table of food where Watt was eating.


“Dammit, you fools!” E. Gadd started.  ”Look at us!  Sitting here having a cool pool party when the very world could be in such grave peril!  Who’s to say somebody isn’t trying to open it right now?”

“The Shadow Coup is.” “The Shadow Koo is.”

Mouser and Watt smoke at the same time.  They laughed about it because they’re friends.

“Wait, what?” E. Gadd said, utterly shocked and just absolutely BEFUDDLED.  ”Is anybody trying to stop them!?”

“Well, after my retirement, Organization Enigma sort of fell apart,” Mouser sighed, pulling out an old group photo.  ”They’re still trying, DAD bless them… But… As hard as Wise Wisterwood has tried, the group is only a shell of what it once was.”

“I’m sorry,” said Penkoon.

“Thanks!” Mouser smiled.

“What about… the other guys?” E. Gadd said, choosing his words carefully.  ”You know… the… the Seventeen?” he whispered.  Penkoon spit out his juice and Watt started choking on her spicy guacamole crazy dip.  Mouser only stared at the professor, but he was not mad.

“There… there is no more Organization Seventeen,” he said in a cold tone of voice.  ”Not after… Not after what I did to her.”

They said in silence except for Watt who was choking and really needed help.

“So what happened?” E. Gadd asked.  ”Who do you mean?”

Mouser took off his sunglasses with his golden claw and looked up at the setting sun of Deep Bloober Sea.  ”The most beautiful… and most dangerous woman I’ve ever met.  A wonderful chef with a terrible appetite for destruction.”

Donkey Kong…” Penkoon whispered.

“Um… No, I meant Tayce T.” Mouser corrected.

“Oh…” Penkoon whispered.

“It’s an insane tale,” Mouser chuckled, taking patties off of the Grill of Scorching Nightmares.  ”It happened on the same day that Waluigi sacrificed himself to close the chaos door that the Shadow Koo are trying to open now.”

“Okay, but wait, nobody’s trying to stop them?” E. Gadd demanded.

“Come with me,” Mouser said, ushering his guests into his golden mansion.  ”There is something I’d like you… the ONLY three friends I trust in the WHOLE WORLD to see!”

Watt dropped dead because nobody helped her.

“Shit, okay, I have two friends now,” Mouser groaned.  ”Anyway, come with me.”

They trekked through five hundred golden rooms and hordes upon hordes of diamond bananas and down Mouser’s dark scary dungeon and into his secret vault where absolutely nobody is allowed.  He brought them to a display with housed a beating heart, purple with dark energy.

“Holy fucking shit!” E. Gadd exclaimed.  ”What is that?”

“That’s her heart,” Mouser said.  ”That day… I ripped it out of her with my golden hook and kicked her through the chaos door.”

“Jesus, why did you do that?” Penkoon asked, swatting away the dozens of spiders that were creeping onto him.

“Had no choice, friend,” Mouser said, shaking his head and taking a few puffs of his golden pipe.  ”She had gone trekked too far into the darkness.  I also did it to Torte’s Apprentice, Spitz, The Three Little Pigs, Marilyn, and the Snufit Police from Mario Party 2.  Kicked a lot of people in there!  Anyway, I don’t know what remains of her, but… Her hatred for me has kept this heart beating for ten years.”

“So if… hypothetically… Tayce T. actually made it back to our world and was roaming the land attempting to regain her missing pieces so she could reunite Organization Seventeen in a hostile takeover of the entire world to ensure that the chaos door remains shut for the rest of eternity and also just for the fun of it,” E. Gadd proposed.  ”…she would need this heart, right?”

“Yep,” Mouser said.  ”Good thing that’s impossible.  Waluigi closed the door before she could escape from the chaos realm.”

“Phew!” Penkoon said. “That’s a relief!” He got bit by a spider, OUCH!

“Anyway,” Mouser said.  ”I’m retired now and forever and unless Tayce T. is alive somehow, I’ll never do any fighting again!”  Mouser didn’t know that she was alive but we do because she was in the last chapter.

“Alrighty then,” Penkoon said, stretching his arms and yawning for several minutes.  ”I think it’s about time we hit the hay!  We’re going wind surfing tomorrow!  It’s gonna be CRAaAaAaAaZY!!!” He waved his arms in the air.

“Don’t do that,” Mouser said.

“S… sorry…”

“You coming, Professor?” Mouser turned around.  There was no sign of E. Gadd or the heart.  They were gone because he stole it and then he ran away in a big helicopter that he had ready.

“How curious…” Mouser said, scratching his big bushy golden beard with his golden claw.

E. Gadd’s helicopter took him to a SUPER SECRET VOLCANO LAIR that is SO SECRET that I can’t even tell you where it is!

“Welcome back to Yoshi Cabana!” greeted Poochie.  ”What do you have for us?”

E. Gadd laughed maniacally.  ”I have something for the lady…  Something that will make her very pleased indeed!”

“Cool beans!” said Poochie.

E. Gadd tossed him the heart and it fell on the ground because he didn’t give Poochie any warning.  Poochie picked it up and dusted it off, looking around to make sure nobody saw.  Ninety people saw, though.

“You make sure she gets her heart,” E. Gadd ordered.  ”And make sure she knows who found it!  I’ve got another mission to attend to.”

“Where are you going?” Poochie asked.

E. Gadd turned on the helicopter and put on his super goggles.  He smiled at Poochie and gave him a thumbs up.  ”Gotta find Jimmy T.”

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