Dark Prophecy of the War of the Two Kingdoms: The Yoshi Chronicles of Fate

Final Destination Mushroom Enigma: The Shadow Koopa Darkness Prophecy of Destiny: The Doomed War of the Two Kingdoms: Volume One: Part One: The Yoshi Chronicles of Fate and Despair

Also known as

Dark Prophecy of the War of the Two Kingdoms: The Yoshi Chronicles of Fate       

By Waluigi Handbag

“The prophecy states that given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Fire Flower and Mushroom of a personal Star coin-coin-coin-coin with white beard star power, star power, star power, star power outside time without extension who from the heights of divine Goomba divine Koopa divine Para Troopa loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown.”

“But time will tell and suffers like the divine Chain Chomp with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged in torment plunged in fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the Cheep Cheep that is to say blast Mushroom Kingdom to Minus World so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing but not so fast.”

“And considering what is more that as a result of the labors left unfinished crowned by the Mushroomademy of Staropometry of Firey-in-Flowery of Yoshi and Piranha Plant it is established beyond all doubt all other doubt than that which clings to the labors of men that as a result of the labors unfinished of Yoshi and Piranha Plant it is established as hereinafter but not so fast.”

“For reasons unknown that as a result of the public works of Fire Flower and Mushroom it is established beyond all doubt that in vie of the labors of Bloober and Hammer Brother left unfinished for reasons unknown of Yoshi and Piranha Plant left unfinished it is established what man deny that men in Flowery of Yoshi and Piranha Plant that man in Firey that man in short that man in brief in spite of the strides of jumping and collecting 1-ups wastes and pines wastes and pines and concurrently simultaneously what is known as the Yoshi Chronicles.”

                                                          -Unknown Yoshi Scholar, Year 48


Chapter One: Requiem of Destiny

The setting sun burned crimson in the horizon as the two armies collided over the wartorn plains of Bean Bean valley. Doom ships cut broad swathes of death through the Mushroom Kingdom forces and rained destruction upon the helpless villages below.

Luigi rocketed and weaved with his jetpack through the swarms of unrelenting doomships like an enraged hornet. His prized katana singing, he sliced through the bo-bomb and bullet bill cannons with fluid grace. Finally, upon finding the heart of one of these towering beasts, he pried open the engine panel and ripped at the wiring with feral desperation. Failure was not an option.

“Stop right there, you big palooka!”

Luigi wrenched his neck just in time to react, he backflipped across the deck of the doomship and narrowly avoided the slice of his enemy’s sythe.

Luigi recovered from his tumble, and narrowed his brow. “It’s… YOU. But I killed you in Delfino years ago.”

Kooper grimaced, chewing on his billowing cigar. He readied his sythe and ignited his jetpack, “I thought I’d return the favor.”

Luigi leapt aside as Kooper swooped past him like grim death. The emerald plumber tried desperately to ignite his jetpack, but Kooper viciously would not give him a moment’s reprieve.

The Doom Ship was already losing altitute, the engine burst into flames from the tampered wiring. The explosion distracted Kooper just enough for Luigi to dive overboard, and tumble headlong at the speed of sound towards the rock-hard ground.

His jetpack roared to life in an instant that seemed to last a century. Unsheathing his katana, Luigi brought it up just in time to block Kooper’s next attack.

The blades grinded and trembled together as Kooper and Luigi glared hatefully into one another’s eyes.

“You can’t run from your past forever, Luigi,” Kooper snarled, “No matter what you do, it won’t erase what you’ve done! You killed your own father!”

“SHUT UP!” Luigi roared, and slammed his elbow deep into Kooper’s chest, “I WILL FULFILL THE PROPHECY!”

Kooper reeled back, winded, and was sent tumbling through the obscurity of a smiling cloud. Luigi had no more time to lose. His jetpack groaned as Luigi zoomed off at speeds beyond what the engine was designed to handle. Behind him, Kooper had regrouped with a fleet of paragoombas, but he would not let them close in on him. His engine groaned and sparked as it was brought to the breaking point. Booster’s tower was just ahead.

“C’mon. Just a little farther…!”

Bullet bills zipped by him at tremdous speeds, and narrowly evading, Luigi finally burst through the stain glass window of the highest tower of the tower. He tumbled to the ground, his arm broken and his body battered. The enemy was rapidly closing in, and he only allowed himself one moment to glimpse upon the artifact in awe before seizing it.

With a triumphant roar, Luigi proclaimed “SHIIIINE GEEEEETTT!!!” and all was bathed in a blinding trascending light.


The sun shone down mercilessly upon a solitary gray Shy Guy staggering through the desert.  Each step through the golden sands drove Anti Guy closer and closer to madness.  But he had to proceed.  The fate of the kingdoms depended on it.

The prophecy had stated that the 1-Up Hearts were to be found in the middle of Desert Land.  He had started out with a band of merry Koopas on Ostros, but they had all been swallowed up by quicksand immediately after setting off.  Anti Guy was left alone, with only his two chainsaws and rocket boots.

A chilling screech was suddenly heard from above.  Anti Guy looked up and saw a single Albatoss.  There was nothing odd about that, for Albatoss were common in this area.  He thought nothing of it and continued his perilous trek.


Anti Guy collapsed on the hot desert sands.  All hope was lost.  He had failed his kingdom.  He cursed the fates as he prepared himself for his certain death. 

But what was that?  The Shy Guy squinted his eyes to focus on the blurry image in front of him. 

It was an oasis!

Anti Guy immediately got up to his feet without effort and ran fifty miles toward where the oasis was.  But right when he was two inches away, five hundred grenades rained from the sky.  In a massive explosion, the oasis was soon deoasised. 


Anti Guy looked up and saw his nemesis, Dr. The Angry Sun.  Accompanying the giant ball of fire was a pack of eight hundred and four Albatoss. 

“You have escaped me for the last time, Anti Guy!”  Dr. The Angry Sun cackled maniacally as he sent swarm after swarm of Albatoss at the gray Shy Guy.  “Now you will die, probably!”

Explosions were everywhere.  Left to right.  Up and down.  Diagonally.  Sort of to the left, but not that far.  Anti Guy managed to dodge all of these with exceptional skill. 

Chain Chomps began bursting out of the ground, their fangs seeking Shy Guy flesh.  Anti Guy stabbed through four Chain Chomps with his chainsaw in a single thrust, cut their chains, and began swinging the Chomp heads at other Chomps, causing them to explode.  Tornadoes of sand began forming and soared toward Anti Guy, but he cut the tornadoes into eighty pieces each. 

Dr. The Angry Sun was mildly irritated as all of his subordinates were dispatched in eight seconds.  He began firing meteors of flaming death at Anti Guy.  But Anti Guy dashed up a nearby mountain and with one last burst of strength, jabbed both chainsaws in Dr. The Angry Sun’s eyes. 


Dr. The Angry Sun screamed horribly as his eyes were jabbed by two chainsaws.  He fell down towards the earth and exploded, sending all of Desert Land aflame immediately.  Anti Guy managed to dodge this with his rocket boots.  As all of Desert Land horribly burned to death, Anti Guy shook his head sadly.  He found the 1-up hearts on the ground right next to him, and placed them in his robe.

“The prophecy must be fulfilled.”


It was night time over Diamond City, 1:25 AM to be precise.  Everybody was asleep, except for one man in his office building, counting his money.

“WA HA HA!” Wario announced over his freshly counted stack of dough.  “That’s-a lotta money!”

Wario was very successful in his business, Wario Ware Incorporated.  They invented a new type of video game called a microgame that was only about five seconds long!  Despite the short length, most of them sold very well.  Because of this, Wario was making a lot of money, and was even doing it legally.

“I’m-a the weennah!” Wario announced to himself.

Wario was not the only one stirring in Diamond City this night.  Inside a nearby house, one restless boy was staring mindlessly into his double-screened, sticker-rigged LCD paradise.

9-Volt was on level 9 of Ultra Klingon Disaster Wars, and he was about to break the high score.  Sweat dripped down his helmet as he carefully maneuvered through all of the obstacles, being especially careful not to come in contact with any of them, and making sure not to get hit in the process.

“Come on! Five more!” he shouted, leaning closer to the small screen.  “Shoot! Turn left! Turn right! TURN LEEEEFFTT!!”

9-Volt’s last life was suddenly taken by a rock on the bottom screen.  9-Volt yelled out in anger, as he was only 2 points away from beating 18-Volt’s High Score of 340,012,299,918,237,226.  “This game is SO STUPID!”

Suddenly, his screen glowed a bright green color.  The boy looked in awe as the light spread from out of his Nintendo Dual Screen Entertainment System Lite and engulfed the entire room.

“W-what’s going on!?” he shouted frantically.

“The prophecy… it has begun…” boomed a mysterious voice from the green light.

“Who said that!?” 9-Volt demanded. “Who are you!? AAAAAAAAAAGGHHH!!!”

The glowing ceased, and all that remained was a Dual Screen Entertainment System.

“I’m-a rich!” Wario continued to announce.

Suddenly, he heard a knock at his door.

“WHA!?” Wario shouted, confused.  He managed to pull himself away from his money and pull open the door.

“Whaddya want!? I’m-a so-a busy-a!” Wario complained to the mysterious hooded figure behind the door.

What was under the hood was clearly not visible, except for two glowing green eyes.  There were two angel wings on the back of the mysterious stranger, and he was carrying a suitcase.

“Wario, is it?” the figure hissed.

“YEAH.” Wario shouted, angrily.

“I thought so… hehehehe…”

“Whaddya want? What is-a that!?” Wario complained as the figure opened the suitcase.

“Wario…” it began, pulling out a magical glowing star stone.  “You are the chosen one!”


The night was dark. A silver hue shined from the moon behind the clouds as the chilling frosty winds swept along the galleon. The creaking of the ship’s lines was the only accompanying sound to the chorus of gusty gales blowing in the seaworthy vessel’s white sails. A figure stepped onto the ship from the parked helicopter. A shark pirate looked at him, cockeyed. “You came in a HELICOPTER?!”

The figure jump-kicked from the void of green lines and head-punted the pirate in the back of the head. After snapping his neck, the figure walked into the captain’s quarters.

The captain, Jonathon Jones, sipped lightly on his translucent, sparkling rum filled with carbonation bubbles, he sneered across the table as the figure entered. “Agent Smithoshi! What sin have I committed to enjoy the disdain of your company?”

Agent Smithoshi, a sunglasses wearing Goomba, who also wore a black-gray fedora, stood in the doorway as lightning struck behind him. “Sorry I’m late, Cap’n.” The Goomba’s tiny feet shuffle across the wooden floor towards the captain’s desk. “I was finishing up a boxing match.”

Jones through his glass against the wind. “What is it you want? The sooner you’re gone, the better.”

Smithoshi jumped onto the desk angry and furious. “Shh! They’re here, you!”

“Who’s here?”

“The Seventeen Arch-Angels of the Prophecy!!” The Goomba spat.

Jonathon Jones swallowed hard and drank his rum from his wine glass. He looked curtly out the window and bared his teeth in the soft light of the moon. “An old legend that lives on only through the lips of the sky and breath of the wind.” He turned around.

Smithoshi shook his head. “Tsk, tsk, Jones. You have little faith in the matters of the judgment. Take a look.”

BLAM! A golden medallion with a watch in it drops onto the desk. The pirate shark eyes it and his face changes from angry to frightened. “So it’s true. It has finally come to be.” The Goomba nodded. Jones glared at him. “Ye must fulfill the prophecy!”

Smithoshi snarled like a lion with HIV. “I WAS THE ONE WHO CAME HERE!”

Jones snatched the medallion in his hand. “And too long your stay has been. My regards to Davy Jones!”

A trapdoor beneath Agent Smithoshi opens and he plummets toward the water. At the last second he escapes via the void of green lines. Jonathon grimaces at the golden watch and instructs his men.

“Set sail for …Lavalava Island.”


Chapter Two: The Beginning of Eternal Sorrow

Pirahna plant grove writhed listlessly as Elvin Gadd trounced through the lashing tendrils in his enormous mechano armor pants.

“FORWARD!” snarled E. Gadd, flailing wildly at the controls, “Find the wretch and kill him! The kingdom is at stake! All will be laid to waste if we do not stop him!”

E. Gadd’s troop of murderous Ninjis follow in tow in their own stilted mecha pants. The one following up the rear stumbled and lagged behind because he was stupid.

From the brambles a cloaked figure dropped, dual wielding daggers. Silently he dropped behind the lagging Ninji and placed his knives against his throat.

“Make one noise and I kill you nine times before you hit the ground.”

The ninji said okay and they continued silently forward without a word. Then, the figure leapt into the air and jumped into the center of the group.

“I HAVE YOU NOW!” It exclaimed, and threw eighteen knives, and the ninjis and their mechano pants all exploded.

E. Gadd veered around and gasped in shock because he was surprised, “It’s YOU! The person we’ve been looking for!”

“Yes!” Boomed the cloaked figure proudly, “You couldn’t find me, because I was hiding!”

“Ah!!” E. Gadd said.

“And now, when I kill you, I will have the eighth key of The Prophecy and I won’t need you any more!”

“I won’t let you!” E. Gadd shouted, and drew his colt pistol only to have it knocked out of his hand by four throwing knives. “Blast!”

The figure laughed deeply under its hood, “That is no way to treat someone as powerful as me. Your time is up Elvin!”

Suddenly, the figure threw off his cloak to reveal his true identity.


“But it is,” Tuxie the Penguin said with a vicious smirk, “I have been tricking you into following me all this time so that I could take your key!”

“You have NO idea what you are doing, Tuxie! The power is too much! The Prophecy won’t allow it!”

“No one will be able to stop me. I am the true chosen one. HA HA HA!!”

E. Gadd felt fear in his heart from the wicked laugh, he needed to escape.

“There is no escape!” Tuxie bellowed. E. Gadd screamed.

“If you want to live, you will have to compete against me in the sport of my people. If you win, I will not kill you. If you lose, you will be killed and have to give me the key.”

E. Gadd raised an eyebrow. “What sport?”

Tuxie drew out a small blue stone, and gathered magic into it, and blasted out a ray of freezing mana. With it, he created a slippery frosty slide that veered and turned sharply all the way through the grove. “Why, only the best sport of them all!”

“BUTT SLIDING!!” Tuxie roared magnificently.

And so, E.Gadd and Tuxie got into position.

“Okay. One, two, three, GO!”

E. Gadd wrenched the levers and the mechano pants began sliding dangerously over the narrow stretch of ice. Tuxie slid along side at mach 2, and the two sped down the slippery slope.

Bumping into each other, they growled and push and shoved and snarled at lightning speed. But then, E.Gadd leaned too far to the left and plummeted over the side. He tumbled, exploding, and screaming, “NOOOOO!” he shrieked as he fell into the hungry mouths of the pirahna plants.

“BAHAHAHAHAH!” Tuxie sneered, and held up the final key. “And now the ritual can finally begin!”


Lightning crackled above as the two figures faced each other on the perilous and slippery rooftop of Bowser’s castle.  Lady Lima held her double-sided katana steady at her side, facing her former lover.  “How could you?”  She sobbed.  “How could you betray our kingdom as well?”

The Chancellor steadied his fedora and let out a long drag from his cigar.  “I can’t stop myself, sweet cheeks.  The power inside of me is growing.  I can’t control it.”

“That power is darkness!”  Lady Lima screamed.  “The darkness will consume you whole!”

“No, it won’t.”

“Yes, it will!”

“No, it won’t.”

“But it will!”

“No, it won’t.  I’m very familiar with the prophecy, honey biscuits.  Big Lantern Ghost told me about the Omniblade before he was killed by Punchinello’s goons.”

Monty Moles with sawed off shotguns began climbing from below.  A sinister chuckle could be heard from behind the two.  Lady Lima turned to find Mouser, cloaked in black and brandishing a revolver with his golden hook. 

“It’s THE END, lovebirds.”

Lady Lima clung to the Chancellor desperately.  “You mustn’t make this mistake!  Too many of our companions have been killed because of the Chaos Door!  It was never meant to be opened!”

“I won’t be consumed by the darkness,” The Chancellor reassured the sobbing Beanbean.  “I can control it.  Seriously, I won’t be consumed by the darkness.  Seriously.”

“Enough talk,” Mouser snarled as he shot eighteen bullets in the air.  “You’re finished.  Say hi to Lava Piranha when you go to hell after you die!”

“Not today, Mouser!”  The Chancellor shouted.  “I can’t die.  Not yet.”

With that said, the Chancellor brought Lady Lima towards him and kissed her passionately for two minutes.  As they broke apart, giant bat wings sprung from the Chancellor’s back and he flew through the pouring rain into the horizon.

Lady Lima stared Mouser down and brought out both of her double sided katanas.  She spit out her chewing tobacco and killed ten Monty Moles in ten blows.  Then she dropkicked Mouser into a chimney.

“Ow,” Mouser said.

Lady Lima then ran down the side of the castle, did a backflip, and landed in the hands of Parakarry. 

“I am relieved that you are safe, Lady Lima.”

“We must go retrieve the Sacred Jewel of the Dynast-Koopa, Parakarry.”

“Of course, my lady.  It is as you say.”

Both warriors also flew into the horizon.  Mouser gritted his teeth in frustration as he staggered to his feet.

“You may have escaped this time, but just you wait.  Neither of the kingdoms will stand a chance against Organization Enigma.”


A red-cloaked figure scurried through the damp city streets of Bosley, a small, dank town in the southern reaches of Pipe Land.  The rain was heavy, and few denizens dared to wander in the dark, wet streets.

The figure scurried into an alley and came to a door with a barely legible label reading “Bolgia 4”.  It knocked on the door and a pair of glowing red eyes revealed themselves from behind a metal latch.

“What’s the password?” it demanded in a low, gruff voice.

The short, mysterious figure glanced down the alley to make sure he’d not been followed. “Super mushroom,” he recited.

The alley rattled at the sound of several heavy locks being undone, and shortly after, the rusty door creaked open.  The figure stepped inside the tavern and removed his cloak. 

The smell of smoke and mildew emanated off the wet tavern walls.  A few rough-looking Goombas, Koopas and Podoboos glared at the stranger. He wiped a strand of wet hair from over his eye and took a seat at the bar.

“You,” he said to the bartender.  “I’d like a glass of milk, please.”

The barkeep began to fulfill his request, but was interrupted.

“…in a dirty glass!”

The other occupants of the tavern were caught off-guard by this daring request, and some chatter began to arise among the crowd alongside some glances at the bold green man.

“You think you’re tough enough to handle that?” the barkeeper asked, raising a massive white brow.

“Me?” the Beanbean began.  “I don’t care anymore…”

The barkeeper came back with a slightly smudgy mug full of milk.  He slid it over to the Beanbean, who looked back at him.

“I think I know you from somewhere,” he said, observing the barkeep.

The barkeeper was a large goomba with five-o-clock shadow and a huge white mustache.  His pants were white with red stripes, and he had a lazy eye.  The most notable feature, however, was the crown that decorated his head.

“It’s been a long time, Peasley,” King Goomba grunted. “What brings you to these parts?”

Peasley looked to the side for a moment, trying to figure out precisely how to word his grim news.  “I came to find you, actually…”

There was an awkward silence for a few moments. Neither party could think of what to make of the awkward reunion.  Peasley sipped his drink and finally spoke.

“Your majesty,” Peasley started. “I have terrible news…”

King Goomba looked worried.  Peasley remained silent for several seconds and the massive mushroom grew concerned. “What!?” he barked. “What is it!?”

Peasley looked into his murky glass of milk.  “Waluigi is missing.”

King Goomba bit his lip.  “What are you talking about, Peasley?”

“It’s true!” Peasley shouted, fighting back tears.  “Nobody’s heard from him in a week!  DAD only knows if he’s even alive anymore!”

“Not Waluigi…” King Goomba muttered, a single tear rolling down his cheek.  “What the hell did he do? WHY WALUIGI!?”

Peasley finished his milk and set down the unclean mug.  He rose from his seat and turned for the door. “I thought you’d like to know…”

“This can’t be happening…” King Goomba mumbled.   “Is there no hope?”

Peasley swiftly turned and looked him dead in the eyes.  “I’m going to look for him. I have to find him! The prophecy MUST BE FULFILLED, DAMMIT!” he announced, banging his hand on the counter.

King Goomba kicked a chair in frustration. “Dammit, Waluigi…”

Peasley grabbed his cloak, revolver and Magical Crescent Necklace his grandfather gave him just before he passed away.  “I’ll see you around… and I promise… I’ll have him with me!”

With that, the prince started back out into the pouring rain.


Pennington was furious. “TOAD! THIS IS THE END!” Toad felt nervous.

“I had to do it! There was no choice!” Toad screamed.

Pennington narrowed his black dots of eyes. “Sham bam bamina.” Toad slumped over from the bullet fired from Pennington’s gold revolver. Pennington walked over and picked up the gem. It was the Jewel of the Melancholy Perils, and Pennington had it. He looked at the sickening mauve casing which housed the swirling souls of tortured spirits, which were also of a sickening mauve tint. He went down to the secret base in the secret room of the secret painting in the secret museum in the secret Poshley Heights. There he met the Priest, a cloaked figure with shining, amber eyes.

“The Order has come into the possesion of the Anceint Machine of Destined Agony. When we use the Jewel of Meloncholy Perils in this machine, our Order of the Crying Fire Flower then our goal shall be accomplished,” the ominous figure stated.

“Indeed, Father,” Pennington replied. “With this, we can usher in the terror descriped in the Prophecy.”

“Yes, and then you and I, Pennington, we shall rule over this puny world.”

Pennington’s eyes sparkled an evil glow, and his chubby penguin exterior casted a demonic glow. “Yes. All according to plan.”

The Priest then took the vomit-inducing mauve gem and stuck in into its place among the stone gears and levers. It started churning. Slowly, then faster, then even faster, then so fast it was more than the combined power of seventy-two jetpacks. The Priest started cackling. The Power of the Swirling Vortex had been awakened. Pennington stood in horror. He was half-scared, half-excited, half-worred. Then the Priest approached him.

“Pennington! This is the start of my great rule over this world!”

“Don’t you mean our rule, Father?”

“No, Pennington. The Vortex demands a sacrifice. And you are the only one here besides myself.”

Pennington was frightened. He fired eight bullets from his revolver into the Priest’s forehead, but his evil devoured them. He walked closer. Pennington evaded, running and running. But he couldn’t escape. The Priest was kind of like nine feet tall, and Pennington was a lame two feet. There’s no way he could have run away, even if he did have those seventy-two jetpacks. The Priest grabbed the obese Sherlock Holmes wannabe, and he flailed as if he were about to die, because he was. Then he was launched into the vortex, and all was encompassed by mauve…


Chapter Three: Memories of the Legends

Five years prior to the War of the Two Kingdoms, a great disaster befell an uncharted territory off the coast of Dry Dry Desert. A fishing boat VANISHED and EXPLODED, because the unwary Hoohooligans on board had unwittingly discovered

Kolorado Koopa, the famed explorerer, archaeologist, marine biologist, scuba diver and safari hunter, decided at once to investigate the site of the explosion because he always liked investigating strange occurances all the time.

Bringing along his closest friends and colleagues, because the mission was too dangerous for his family. Kolorado flew his bi-plane to the uncharted site of the explosion and discovered the Ancient Sunken City Of Kehk’Kulla. He decided to go check it out.

“This city is very ancient!” Russ T. observed, noticing that the ruins were very old and not new. Dr. The Angry Sun agreed, because he was very well educated and a doctor. Kooper was also there.

“Look! I have found something!” Kolorado announced, and pointed to the Swirling Vortex in the middle of the room.

“Ahhhh!” Everyone gasped in surprise.

“It is the Swirling Vortex that the ancient scrolls said would be here! How will this affect The Prophecy?!” Dr. The Angry Sun said in horror.

“Don’t look into it!” Kolorado shrieked, “It is filled with a lot of evil!”

“But what is inside of the Vortex?” Kooper asked, curiously.


Kooper looked inside the Vortex, and then gasped.

“I can see Fawful! He’s alive! I have to save him!”

“NO KOOPER!” Russ T. siezed him by the shoulder, “Fawful died in the fire! You have to let go of the past! It’s a trick!”

But it was too late, Kooper wanted to be reunited with Fawful so badly that he wrestled against Kolorado and Russ T. He leaped inside the Swirling Vortex and shrieked in excruciating and painful agony.

The Vortex turned bright black and Kooper fell from the darkness.

“We have to get him to a hospital!” Kolorado yelled, weeping.

Dr. The angry sun took his pulse, “IT’S TOO LATE! HE’S ALREADY EVIL!” he shouted.


Raising from the floor floating and covered in darkness, Kooper glared wickedly with evil eyes and he had a cigar. He summoned the Vortex Sytche and it appeared suddenly in his hands.

“I can see everything now, and the war must begin again,” Kooper said with a demonic voice, and raising his sythe, he killed Russ T. with thirteen attacks.


As their katanas clashed, the two combatants leaped across a large gorge.  Luigi knocked his sensei’s blade back and did a triple back flip.  Sensei then pulled out three katanas attached to a chain and swung them with awesome skill.

Clang!  Clang!  Clang!  Clang!  Clang!  Clang!  Clang!  Clang!  Clang!  Clang!  Clang!  Luigi blocked twelve blows with his katana.

“Your moves are too slow,” Tubba Blubba scolded.  “Make them fast and not slow.”

“I am sorry, sensei,” The green plumber apologized.  “I will train harder.  That way, I can be faster.”

“Let us rest beneath the cherry blossoms,” Tubba Blubba said.  “And meditate and stuff.”

The two sipped their apple juice in peace.  Tubba Blubba took the crazy bendy straw out of his mouth in order to give some sage advice.

“Luigi, this world…is changing.”

“What do you mean, sensei?”

“I feel that the world is changing…into chaos.”


“Yes.  The Prophecy says so.”

“What is the Prophecy, sensei?”  Luigi asked in curiosity.

“Hold on, grasshopper,” Tubba Blubba said.  “I need more apple juice.  Hold on.”  He reached over towards the pink thermos and began pouring himself another glass.

Sixty-eight arrows immediately hit the thermos, exploding it to bits.  Tubba Blubba leaped to his feet and grabbed his katana chain.  “Who’s out there?!”


“You again?  I thought you were killed when you tried to steal the Inferno Gauntlet!”

“I managed to get away and not be killed.”

“Well, now you’ll be killed,” Tubba Blubba hissed.  “By ME.”


“Run, Luigi!”  Tubba Blubba shouted.  “Run and tell the other Cherry Blossom Senseis!  Tell them that the Dark Minions of the Chaos Door have returned!”

“Wait, who?”

“The Dark Minions of the Chaos Door!”

“The Chaos Door?!”



Luigi began to run for it, but Lakilester was right in front of him.  He pulled out his crossbow and prepared to fire his fire arrows.  Luigi was about to pull out his katana, but Tubba Blubba charged in the middle.

“You’ll pay for what you did to Jimmy T!”

“He didn’t want to be part of the Dark Minions.  And you know what the Dark Minions of the Chaos Door do to people who don’t want to be Dark Minions?  THEY KILL THEM!”




“It’s been fun,” Lakilester snickered as he pulled out a dark saber.  “But playtime is OVER.”

Lakilester shot a dark beam of dark energy at Tubba Blubba.  The former gentle sensei screamed as he became consumed by the darkness.  As black flames surrounded his body, his eyes opened.  They were blood-red.  Evil blood-red.

“SENSEI!”  Luigi screamed.

“GLORY TO THE DOOR!”  Tubba Blubba roared as he pulled out eight katanas.  There were five in one hand, and three in the other hand.  He swung the three in one hand first, but Luigi dodged those.



“Sensei, snap out of it.  Please.”

“It’s no use,” Lakilester cackled.  “He’s evil now!  Like me!”

There was only one thing Luigi could do.  Tearfully, he grabbed the crazy bendy straws and jabbed them in Tubba Blubba’s eyes.  His former sensei screamed in pain and staggered around.   Tripping on the remains of the pink thermos, Tubba Blubba tumbled down the gorge.  There were sharp rocks at the bottom, and he died.

“FATHER!”  Luigi sobbed.     

“Father?  He’s not your father!”  Lakilester laughed.

“He was like a father to me.”

“Dude, that sucks.”

Luigi, enraged, picked up his sensei’s katana chain and threw it at Lakilester.  Lakilester dodged it because he could fly in his cloud.

“You’ll never escape the Chaos Door!” Lakilester threatened as he flew away.  “It will be opened!”

Luigi fell to his knees in sadness.

“I killed my own father…”

He clutched his stomach in pain and wept bitterly.  As he cried some more, he looked in the broken thermos and saw a key.

“What…what is this?”

But then he knew.  It was one of the keys to the Chaos Door.  Attached to the key was a small note.  Luigi picked it up and read it carefully.  His eyes widened in horror.

Then he screamed into the night, screaming the name of the person who was responsible for everything that had just happened.  The name was on the note.



There once was a little known cavern beneath the waters of Butter Bridge, guarded by ancient shark demons and caught in a perpetual hurricane.  Inside it was said to be a connection to the Darkness Realm and an item of unspeakable power.

A small sailing vessel floated on the choppy, unstable waters outside of this mysterious cave.  Inside, four penguins were on an expedition to find out once and for all what secrets the place guarded.     

“This way, boys!” the eldest announced, pointing his torch down a very straight corridor.  “Not much further now, I can feel it!”

Pennington, Mayor Penguin and Tuxie followed behind Penbert, the father of the former.  Pennington was observing the nine hundred and forty seven purple crystals sticking out of the walls, radiating dark energies.

“This place is most peculiar!” he said, rubbing his chin.  “These purple crystals appear to be radiating a dark energy!”

Tuxie looked aside, not able to think of anything to say. He was shy.

“My god!” Penbert yelled, nearly dropping his torch.  “Look at THAT!”

There was an orb on the ground.  It was swirling with evil radiation not fit for modern civilization.  Penbert laughed, running up to the object and observing it.

“Most peculiar!” Pennington announced.  “I believe this is, what they call… the Dark Influence!”

Tuxie gasped.

“This is it, boys!” Penbert cackled loudly.  “THIS IS WHAT WE’VE COME FOR!”

“We should put it inside of our museum,” Pennington suggested.

Penbert glanced backwards at his son.  “The… museum?” He turned towards Pennington.  “Oh yes, indeed, we’ll put it in the museum.”  He lifted it up.  “But… not on display!”

Immediately the cavern exploded with dark electricity.  Pennington and Tuxie fell backwards as Penbert was engulfed in the darkness.  The walls fell apart, revealing portals into the Darkness Realm.  The penguins could see sixty seven demons reaching out for them from behind the portals.

“NO!” Mayor Penguin bellowed, charging towards Penbert.

“Destroy him, Penbertus!” a voice commanded from the portal.

Penbert launched a dark missile at Mayor Penguin.  He was engulfed in dark fire.  With his last breath, he screamed something loud and incoherent.  Mayor Penguin was dead.

“Just as the prophecy said…” Penbert laughed, “The power is MINE! And of course, I’ll need minions…”

Tuxie was zapped with dark electricity.  He screamed in utter agony as his spirit was transformed into darkness.  Pennington jumped in front of the stream and took some of it for his friend, but it was too late.  Tuxie’s eyes were glowing a neon purple color.

“Come, my boy,” Penbert said, reaching an arm out to his injured son.  “We have a job to do!”

Pennington assessed the situation, and thought about resisting, but something in his head wanted to go with his father… something dark…

The voice rang out again.  “Go now, Followers of the Darkness, and carry out the prophecy before it’s too late!”

Tuxie and Penbert laughed, exiting the cave and leaving the ashes of Mayor Penguin behind.  Pennington fought his inner demons, but eventually, the inner demons won, and he went with them.


Their dark black cloaks fluttered sinisterly in the darkness.  Around a long table were seventeen chairs.  Seventeen figures in dark black cloaks sat in the chairs, while two stood up because there weren’t enough chairs.

“A new era is rising,” The leader whispered.  It was impossible to see his face because it was dark.  Also, he was wearing a mask.

“What?”  Someone asked.

“I said, a new era is rising.  The dark era.  The dark era of Organization Seventeen.”

There was much discussion amongst the members of Organization Seventeen.  Finally, one of the members stood up and slammed her fists on the table.


Everyone stopped talking and became silent.

“Now,” Tayce T. began.  “Now that everyone is silent, I can talk.  I have recently heard news that the Crystal King is planning on interfering with our plans.  He must be taken care of.”

“How so?” One member asked.

“With DEATH.”


“Be seated, Tayce T.,” The leader ordered.  Tayce T. sat down grudgingly and began picking lint off her dark black cloak.  The leader then turned around.  He then turned around again to face the members.

“Now is not the time to worry about such meaningless and dumb matters.  We must focus our efforts on claiming the Seventeen Arch-Angels of the Prophecy.”

“But in order to complete that, we must kill all who stand in our way!”  Tayce T. cried.

“I agree!” 

“So do I!”


One of the members took off her hood to reveal herself as none other than Watt.  “I’ll kill Crystal King, like how I killed Flurrie!”


All of the members turned to face one of the members that wasn’t them.  The member took off his hood to reveal himself as none other than E. Gadd.

“I’ve had enough of these rascally schemes!”  E. Gadd shrieked as he pulled out a grenade launcher.  “I was never really a member at all!  My allegiances lie with Organization Enigma!  I’m betraying you guys, did you know that?!”

Gasps could be heard amongst Organization Seventeen.

“You would betray us,” The leader hissed.  “For Organization ENIGMA?!”


“Well, your life ends here,” Tayce T. snarled as she pulled out a gatling gun.  “Because I’m going to shoot you and you’re going to die.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it!”

The ceiling exploded and Merlon leaped down from the ceiling.  Clutching two chainguns, he fired them recklessly into the eighteen Organization Seventeen members.  Seven of them got hit, but didn’t die, and eleven of them didn’t get hit and also didn’t die.

“You want more?!”  Merlon bellowed at the members.

“No!”  One of the members cried.

“Well, too bad, because I’m going to shoot more bullets at you!”

“Merlon, we have to get out of here!”  E. Gadd pleaded.

“No, Elvin,” Merlon sighed.  “You get out of here.  I’ll distract them with the bullets I’m shooting from my chainguns.”

“But they outnumber you eighteen guys to one guy which is you!”

“It’s okay, Elvin.  It’s okay.”


“RUN!”  Merlon ordered.  “RUN REALLY FAST AWAY FROM HERE!”

E. Gadd wiped the tears from his eyes and put on his mechano pants.  He then ran away, refusing to look back because he didn’t want to see Merlon die.

The leader sneered, but no one could see him sneer because it was so dark and he was still wearing a mask.  “So Merlon, what will you do now?  We outnumber you eighteen guys to one guy.”


“This what?”


Merlon took out three more chainguns and fired them really fast.  As the members of Organization Seventeen dodged all the bullets and swarmed in on him with their dark blades, Merlon whispered his last words.

“The Chaos Door…”


Chapter Four: Forbidden Nightmare of Destruction

“Just tell us the launch codes and this can all be over,” Tutan Koopa whispered icily through the cellphone, “We don’t have to play these games.”

A trickle of sweat ran down Mallows brow, he wiped it away and glanced down the many corridors of the Labyrnth of Madness. “You’re not going to get anything out of me, BUSTER,” he squeaked fearfully.

The lights flickered ominous, and there came a booming, horrific snarl from beyond the walls. Mallow repressed a shriek.

“We will get them with or without you. Its your choice whether to throw away your life. We’ve already captured Grass Land AND the crimson chalice, Mallow. There’s nothing you can do about it. Stop delaying the inevitable.” Tutankoopa hissed.

“I…” Mallow hesitated, he didn’t really want to trust his greatest enemy. He wondered if he should.

“Ill let you think about it.” There was a click, and the phone went dead and then exploded in Mallows face and then he fell down.

There was a sliding groan of steel on stone and the creaking of cog wheels. An immense gate slid open, and the room began slowly filling with liquid hot lava and angry crocodiles.

The PA system crackled to life, Tutankoopa’s sinister laughter rang out through it

“Starting to get a little scared?” Chortled the garbled voice of the ancient koopa pharroh, “Good. I spent seven hundred and eleven years crafting this labrynth. Centuries of effort have been poured into making this the deadliest and most inescapable dungeon ever. I have waited so long for a victim. Of course, you could always spoil my fun by telling us the launch code. Or…”

With a clank, spikes protruded from the ceiling and it began descending rapidly. Mallow inched away from the encroaching lava. The crocodiles snapped at Mallow furiously. They were upset about the lava and spiky ceiling.

“You can join your precious Merlow in THE AFTER LIFE.”

“Back off!” Mallow demanded, and lashed at the crocodiles with his plasma whip. This made them even angrier, and then they attacked!

Leaping out of the way, Mallow latched his whip onto a rail over a bottomless chasm and swung across. The crocodiles tried jumping across too, but none of them had plasma whips so they fell down the pit instead.

Mallow, wanting to get away from the descending ceiling of death, quickly entered a door labeled Exit.

He entered into a round room with an immense bejeweled throne, where MIPS the rabbit sat holding the Nightmare Scepter.

MIPS glowered and flicked his ears menacingly. “You’re late, for this very important date. You should know that the only thing I respect is punctuality.”

Mallow backed away, but the door was suddenly locked behind him. “What are you DOING here?”

“I am the new leader of the Brotherhood of Nightmares, Mallow. I killed Raphael the Raven myself. I will personally see to it that The Prophecy is STOPPED.”

“IMPOSSIBLE!” Mallow shouted, unable to control his rage, “The Prophecy MUST be fulfilled.”

“The Prophecy is a conspiracy. A veil over the eyes of the people. If I don’t put an end to this, they will find out what The Prophecy truly means for us,” MIPS looked entreatingly at Mallow, “Please, young prince, give us the launch codes so that we can put a stop to this. There are lives at stake. Seaside Town may be next.”

Mallow stopped, and considered this. Was The Prophecy be wrong? It could be. He hadn’t thought of that. Maybe it was. He didn’t know. But what if the prophecy was RIGHT? That was also possible. He wondered if he could trust the Brotherhood of Nightmares.

“Please, Mallow. You’re our only hope.”

Mallows plasma whip deactivated and fell to the floor. Tears were streaming down his eyes.

“The password is Koopasta12345”


“How could this happen to meeee?”  Green sobbed as he lay on the cold stone floor.  The blood spilled from his nose where he had gotten punched by a fist. 

“You made your mistakes.”

Green looked up to find himself face to face with Beldam.  She kicked the Ninjakoopa viciously in his side, causing him to roll over in pain.  Beldam then pulled out her chain-scythe.

“Now tell me.  Who knows the Dark Sonata?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t you lie to me, you liar.  Kylie Koopa paid for lying to me with her life.”

“But I don’t know anything!”

“Lies!  Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

As Beldam screeched these words, she appropriately froze Greens legs to the floor with an ice blast.  She then grabbed the Ninjakoopa by the neck and attempted to lift him, but didn’t get very far because his legs were frozen to the floor.

“How many of you Ninjakoopas do I have to kill before I get all of the Dark Secrets of the Forgotten?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Well, maybe THIS will refresh your memory!”

Beldam pulled a big red lever and a big blue door opened.  Toadette could be seen tied to a chair and surrounded by seven spikes.  Green gasped in horror.


“Yes, and also your girlfriend, Toadette!”


“Now prepare yourself,” Beldam cackled as she brought out her robot laser claw hand.  “For your time to DIE!”

Beldam shot fourteen lasers at Green.  The nimble Ninjakoopa leaped over three of them, ducked under four of them, and also dodged the rest.  Green attempted to run over to Toadette, but those spikes were in the way.

“Save yourself, Green!”

“Not until I save you!”

“Run, Green!  And don’t let her have the Dark Sonata!  Who knows what would happen if she got the Dark Sonata?!  She already killed Burt the Bashful for the Tome of Ages!”

Lasers rained from above.  Beldam cackled maniacally as robot spider legs sprang from her torso.  Green managed to run over to his trident and grabbed it ferociously.

“Got nowhere to run!”  Beldam screeched.

“The night goes on, Beldam!”

Green jumped ten feet into the air and threw his golden trident dramatically.  It pierced through the Sirens robot spidery body and pinned her against the far wall.  The robot legs and laser claw hand dissolved into goo.

“As I’m fading away…”

Beldam’s body slowly began dissolving as well.  She lifted one hand toward Green weakly.  Green rushed over to her side.

“Beldam, Beldam, no…”

“Green, you must live.”


“Keep the Dark Sonata away from the two kingdoms.  It will only lead them to ruin.”


“And Green, Red isn’t dead.  He joined…the Organization.  Organization Enigma.  He joined it.”


“And the Crown of Twilight.  The prophecy says you must find it…”


“…I’m sick of this life.  I just wanna scream.”


“How could this happen to meee….”

Green sobbed as Beldam dissolved in his arms.  His former lover was gone.  As he glanced into the stars, he swore that he would never forgive Belome.  Ever.


“Sire,” announced a Hammer Brother clad in samurai armor.  “I have a message, from our allies at Cookie Mountain.”

A large Nokobon sat in his glorious throne before him.  He had a scar across his left eye, golden shoulder pads, a crown upon his head and a golden, diamond-encrusted katana at his side.  In his lap rested his pet Dino-torch, who was exhaling flames as he snored.

“Very well,” he announced.  “Stewards, read his message. And behead this man!”

A pair of Clubbas grabbed the scroll out of the messengers hands and he was dragged away by a Mr. I.

One of the Clubbas opened the scroll and began reading.

My Dear Friend,

Dark times are upon us.  As you know, the world is in great peril.  There is but one hope if we wish to conserve life as we know it.  A way to seal away the evil for at least 2000 years.  And…

“W..e .p!”

…the demon lords… magic crystals…

“Wa..ig., ge. Up!”


“It is time to accept your fate, Waluigi!”

Waluigi began to stir from his strange dream.  The world around him slowly came into view as blurs of red, gray and purple began forming objects.  He noticed that his hands had been tied behind his back, and the wind was very hot.

As Waluigi came to see the world around him, utter shock coursed through his entire body.  He was tied to a pole on a large stone altar floating high in the sky, and all around him, Bub-Ulbs and Swoopers were locked in fierce combat.  The sky was red, with a ring of blackened clouds floating above them.  There were mountains in the distance that appeared to be set aflame.

“Do not worry about the chaos, Waluigi” boomed a mysterious voice.

Waluigi looked ahead and saw a massive shadowy figure surrounded by a magical barrier.

“I have you exactly where I want you,” the voice said.

“Curse you, vile fiend!” yelled a voice from the other side of the pole. “Ill never succumb to your evil!”

“Oh, Ive forgotten to introduce you to my friend,” the voice announced.  “Waluigi, meet your co-prisoner, Flavio!”

“What have you done!?” Waluigi shouted at the mysterious figure.  “What madness is this!?”

“Its all as the prophecy has predicted, is it not, Waluigi?”  the voice asked.

Waluigi looked aside.  “This… this isn’t right…” He looked up towards the massive beast.  “I know that voice…” he began.  “And there’s only one man twisted enough to do all this… Wise Wisterwood!”

The gigantic tree turned around and faced the anti-plumber, cackling heartily.  The door embedded in his roots had an evil rune crafted in it and was glowing mysteriously.  “You’re more clever than I thought, Waluigi!”

“What’s going on?” Flavio demanded.  “What do you want with us!?”

“All will become clear in due time, my dear Flavio!” the tree chuckled.  “For now, I want you to see what has become of your precious kingdom!”

Waluigi struggled to escape from the rope that bound him, but to no avail.  It was probably knotted like ten times, and was very tight!

Flavio looked at the rope, and suddenly an idea popped in his head.  He wiggled the dagger in his pocket into the rope, slowly cutting it.  Eventually, after thirty two strokes, they were cut free!

Waluigi quickly reached for his lightsaber and pointed it towards the sinister tree.

“Thinking about resisting, are you?” Wisterwood laughed.  “I wouldn’t try it.  Larry Koopa tried, and… well, lets say he didn’t have the best of luck!”

Flavio and Waluigi could only watch in awe as the darkness-fused Koopa rose from the ground, radiating a dark energy.  His eyes glowed with a neon yellow light.

Wisterwood smiled. “Let the games… begin!”


The night was glowing with the starry lights as a rainbow light flashed with intense rays of magical shines and stars as the guardian of the cosmos descended from the majestic heavens to take form in his powered doll form. Yes, it was Geno, the star warrior of the Smithy wars. The blue caped wonder stepped down on the frosting of the gigantic birthday cake. As Geno took fully form, the lights died down and all that could be seen were from the glow of the candles placed inside Peach’s Birthday Cake. A large noise like a vacuum sounded in the dark.

“I was expecting to find you here,” Geno said.

Gourmet Guy lifted his face from the pile of icing and slurped all the remains from his face with his Scooby-Dooby-Doo sized tongue. “Geno, my old friend, it has been too long.”

The Star Warrior smiled and winked. “I told you our paths would cross again.” Geno’s face turned from happy to very serious and sad. “But I come with dreadful news.”

Gourmet Guy burped. “What on earth is it?”

Geno lowered his voice to but a whisper, “The time of prophecy draws nigh.” After noticing his companion completely oblivious to the nature of said prophecy Geno continued further. “The Chaos Door is to be opened… and the War of the Two Kingdoms will begin.”

Gourmet Guy ate another piece of cake. “Is this that thing you told me about?”

“Yes, my truest comrade.” Geno looked over his shoulder and embraced the fat Shy Guy. “I must insist you take shelter, these plains will no longer be safe in little time. In fact… it might be too late.”

Gourmet Guy shriveled. “Where will I go?”

“Lavalava Island. It is the only safe haven… there you will be protected by the Sphinx Boomerang Brother,” Geno explained.

Gourmet Guy finished hugging the little wooden man. “I will go there. But what will you do?”

Geno closes his eyes, obviously emotional. “I have something very important to do, I have to unlock the Crystal D…”

“AHHHH OWWWCH!” Gourmet Guy cried.

Geno opened his eyes suddenly and was SHOCKED to see Gourmet Guy cut in half in front of him. “What?! NO! WHO DID THIS!?”

SMACK! Geno fell into the delicious cake-y ground as a dark figure glided across the giant pastry and stopped suddenly before the downed Star Warrior.

“Geno… look out… for… yourself…” Gourmet Guy mutters in his final breath.

Geno looks up with fiery eyes that evaporate the tears he was crying over his dead friend. He gets a good look at the fiend who killed the Shy Guy …and screamed! For the fiend looked just like him, except with a dark red and black hat and evil yellow eyes. He also carried a star-powered scythe with him that looks awesome as well as fearsome.

“YOU!” Geno cried.

“That’s right, ME! Chaos Geno!” Chaos Geno introduces himself.

“BUT HOW! The Chaos Door isn’t–!” Geno shouted.

Chaos Geno slaps Geno into the torso of his big fat dead friend. “I don’t need to follow any rules! Hya!” The blunt end of the scythe smashes into Geno’s face and he begins bleeding at the lips. “Now say goodnight, palllllllzy!”

Geno reacted quickly and shoved his hand forward, opening the arm cannon safely tucked away in his body. “Goodnight.” With a brilliant flash of blue and white, Chaos Geno was thrown into the dark night, not dead but defeated. The Star Warriors hand reconstructed itself as he slowly got up and tended to his wounds. His eyes turned to the deceased masked Shy Guy beneath him, and a single tear went down his wooden face. 

The candlelight on Peach’s celestial birthday cake dwindled while Geno buried his lifelong friend in the buttercreme soil. Before he left, Geno moved an icing rose over the grave of the demised Gourmet Guy, and then rose into the stars. Meanwhile, the dark sunglasses/fedora wearing Goomba, Agent Smithoshi watches on for a single moment before disappearing into the void of green lines.


Chapter Five: Revealing the Mysteries of the Unknown

Kolorado Koopa strode cautiously between the pew asiles in the Great Star Cathedral. There was no sound except the echo of his own footsteps. The hall seemed almost etheral; the light filtered through the stain glass windows of Saint Goombella the martyr seemed to shimmer between hues.

The silence was unnatural. Kolorado saw a single snow white dove roosting among the rafters. Even it seemed to brim with fearful anticipation.

As he saw the bird flinch to take flight, Kolorado dived out of the way of a spray of a shotgun blast. He fell headlong, and pulled himself back to witness Toadofsky closing in on him.

“You were a fool to come here that way, old man,” the mushroomer composer cocked his double barreled shotgun, “A deaf Goomba could have seen you coming a mile away. You should have known better than to show yourself.”

Kolorado glowered, his hands in the air, “I cannot allow The Order to gets its hands on the Apocolypse Cloak. None of you understand how dangerous that relic is. It has to kept out of this war! It will shake this world to its foundation if its power is released!”

“Better in our hands, then. I’d hate to see anyone but me dealing the death stroke to this dung heap of a world.”

“I won’t let you get away with this,” Kolorado hissed venomously, causing Toadosky to burst into a sadistic laugh.

“I will enjoy,” Toadofsky said, relishing the moment, “Writing a ballet about your death.”

There was a deafening bang as a gun was fired, and Toadofsky fell lifelessly to the floor. Kolorado shot a glance all around in the direction of the sound and spotted Popple nestled among the rafters of the cathedral with his sniper rifle pointed at him. Fingering the flashbang bomb in his pocket, Kolaroda hurled it at Popple. Before the rogue could pull the trigger and off Kolorado, the flashbang exploded and blinded Popple temporairly.

The Koopa Archaelogist had no time to react though. As soon as Popple was distracted, the stain glass window exploded as Donkey Kong burst through it in his Mushroom Mafia issued suit. He tumbled through the air and grabbed onto the chandlier with acrobatic ease and dangled from it with his dexterous feet. Dual wielding uzis, with his blaring red tie dangling upside down across his face, he swung and open fired on the cathedral in general.

Wasting no time, the aged explorer upturned a pew to take cover. The bullets richocheted and splintered the aged wood. Popple’s shriek was heard as he fell from the rafters. Kolorado fingered his revolver anxiously, but did not act until at last he heard the click of depleted ammo. Bursting out from under the pew, Kolorado made one carefully aimed shot aimed dead center at the jungle king’s heart.

Silence returned to the Cathedral, but somehow this was much more horrific than the tenseness before the battle. Kolorado stood alone amongst the debris of centuries old archetecture and nodded respectfully to his defeated allies.

Confetti fell from the ceiling and a loud happy fanfare blared.

“KOLORADO… WINS!” Announced the perky narrator. The aged explorer acquired ten coins and this made him happy, because now he was in the lead after having won the Senagouge Shootout mini-game.

They returned to the Cowboy themed party board. Donkey Kong, Popple and Toadofsky each took their turns. They rolled an eight, a two and a five and landed on blue spaces. Kolorado’s turn finally came. He anxiously looked forward on the board. He would need to roll at least a six in order to be the first to get the next star.

He stared fearfully at the block above his head that displayed random numbers far too rapidly for him to predict. What would happen if he rolled a five? Or maybe a three? What about a four? He might get a two instead of six, or maybe even a one! Someone ELSE might get the star first.

Kolorado thought of how horrible it would be for the Apocolyspe Cloak to fall into the wrong hands. Closing his eyes, he prayed to the Stars and jumped.

Rolling a four, he landed on a red space. Three versus one mini game.

The announcer enthusiastically named the next mini-game. “Clown Cake Relay!!”

“Would you like to play a practice round?”

Kolorado gritted his teeth and glared viciously at his opponents, “No.”


“You need to hack into the mainframe.”

“Right after I’m done disabling the system!”

Mouser frantically tapped the keys on his high tech super fast computer.  The screen flashed a lot as Mouser began typing line after line of computer code.  There were a lot of computer code numbers on the screen.  There were more than a hundred.

“I just need to input the data and rewire the detonator sequence!  Whacka, can you hear me-“

The line went dead because it stopped working because somebody shot the wire with their gun.  Mouser turned around and found himself face to face with a nemesis from the past.

“Tayce T.”

“So glad you remembered me,” the elderly Toad cook cackled as she pulled out another gatling gun.  “You thought you had me finished at Pipe Land after I fell in the deadly acid pit, but now I’m back and stronger than ever!”

“Because of you…because of you, Ms. Mowz DIED!”

“That was because she was in the way of Organization Seventeen,” Tayce T. snarled as she shot seven computers in a row.  “No one will stop us from fulfilling the Prophecy and finding the Stairway of Infinity!”

“Don’t you realize where that’ll lead you?!”  Mouser cried as he booted the router server and transferred the code numbers to the mainframe.  “That’ll lead you to INFINITY!”

“I know.”

“This world can’t handle infinity!  You mustn’t lead it to infinity!”

“How about I lead you to where the place you’re going to die is?  Which is RIGHT HERE!”

Tayce T. whipped out four more gatling guns and fired them really fast.  Mouser ducked and also dodged the explosion that occurred afterwards.  He did a double roll down the stairway and ran toward his jet motorcycle.  Tayce T. leaped five feet in the air and shot a rain of eighty two bullets down where Mouser was running.  Eighty one missed, but one hit his hand.


Mouser fell on the ground and held his hand in pain with his other hand.  There was a bullet in it, and it was bleeding.  He winced in pain as Tayce T. approached.

“You and everyone from your kingdom,” Tayce T. began.  “are all the same.  Fools like Diddy Kong kept trying to steal the Dark Artifacts, but he got what he deserved.  He deserved death, so that’s what he got.”

“Koopa Koot…Hookbill the Koopa…you killed them both!”

“Yes, and I would’ve gotten Iggy as well, if it weren’t for YOU and your MEDDLING!”


Mouser pulled out a revolver and shot Tayce T. in the leg.  She stumbled on the ground and Mouser began kicking her in the butt.  Just as he was about to kick her in the butt some more, an explosion rang from above.  Mouser dashed away as lots of rubble fell on top of Tayce T., crushing her body.  Mouser looked up to see a small Goomba girl with an orange bow on her head and also a black cloak.

“Come with me,” Goombaria whispered mysteriously.  “Join Organization Enigma.”


The two walked away and jumped into the ocean.  Then they swam away for a hundred miles.  After they got onto shore, Mouser tripped and chopped his hand off accidentally on a nearby harpoon.


“Here, have this golden hook instead,” Goombaria said.


Back at the Omega Base, a low rumbling could be heard.  Tayce T. sprang out of the rubble, covered in green flames, roaring loudly and waving a demonic sword.


As she began summoning the other eighteen members of Organization Seventeen, she cackled madly.

“Alpha Omega Phase 4…will BEGIN!”


Deep in a dark fortress on Koopa Beach, amidst the darkened, twisted hallways surely designed by a madman stood a series of fishbowls.  Inside the bowls were trained Cheep Cheeps, ready to strike at the slightest disruption.  They were pretty pissed off, partially because they REALLY hated intruders and they weren’t paid very much for the job.

A particularly rugged Cheep Cheep glanced down both ends of his hallway.  All he could see was his fellow guard and few torches doing a poor job of giving light to the grim place. “I got a bad feelin’, mate…” he growled to his fellow guard.  “Somethin’s in the air…”

Suddenly, a shadow seemed to dart across the hall.  The water-bound sentinel blinked three times and quickly looked all around him for signs of a stranger. 

Before he could react, both guards were taken down by a series of seven ninja starts, which was immediately followed by a fiery explosion.

A Shy Guy in ninja uniform dropped from the roof and smirked.  “Pitiful,” he chuckled to himself.  He took out a katana and sliced the wooden door before him into three segments, then kicked off the middle segment and jumped through.

He was in an office.  A crimson carpet extended through the length of the large room leading up to an oak desk.  The walls were lined with the heads of hunted Dino-Rhinos, Bloopers and Pokeys.

“Welcome, Gourmet Guy,” greeted a figure sitting behind the the desk.  “What business brings you to this, my humble abode?”

“Cut the crap,” Gourmet Guy growled.  “You know what I’m here for!”  He pointed his katana forward.  “Hand over the Dark Amulet of Nocturne Shadows and nobody gets hurt.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’ve already harmed countless innocent guards,” the figure corrected.  “You’ve already made the first move.  Now let’s see if you can face your worst enemies.”

Gourmet Guy gasped as the ghostly figures of his arch-nemesises materialized before him.  “Dammit, the Toy Soldiers!”

The trio of soldiers laughed at him and pointed their guns directly at his head.  Just before they fired, he disappeared in a puff of smoke.  They fired seventeen bullets that found no target.

“You’ve been trained well in your ninjitsu, my friend” the figure laughed.  “But the toy soldiers have been trained to kick ninja ass!”

The toy soldiers immediately turned around to find Gourmet Guy ready with his blade.  The red one threw a ball of darkness, which temporarily blinded the obese Shy Guy.  Before he could regain is composure, a bullet nipped his right shoulder.  His scream echoed through the halls of the fortress as he fell to his knees in submission.

“I’ll give you one more chance to leave quietly, Gourmet Guy” the voice proposed.  “You cannot defeat the Toy Soldiers, there are three of them! And only one of you!”

“Ha… ha ha…” Gourmet Guy started laughing.  “Hahaha! You fail to realize what powers I possess!”

“What do you mean!?” the figure demanded.

Quickly, Gourmet Guy used the ninja power of exorcism to dispose of the Toy Soldiers.  They screamed loudly and the room was filled with an explosion of light.  Gourmet Guy began marching towards the desk with the soldiers melting away behind him.

“You’re clever, Gourmet Guy.  But not clever enough!”

The ninja turned the chair around to find a tape recorder and a note.

Dear Idiot,

     It seems you were too slow this time!  Good luck following the Conspiracy of Darkened Souls to our secret lair in… Marrymore!


                                                                                                  Chuck Quizmo

Gourmet Guy crumpled the note in his hand.  “Those fools… they cannot run… from the prophecy!”  He pulled out a walkie talkie and spoke into it.  “Frogfucious, ready the escape boat.  We’re going to Marrymore!”

With that, he leapt through the stain glass window into the night.

“I’m hungry for cake.”


Smithoshi was anxious.  Not only because the horrible events described in the prophecy were coming to fruition, but because the assignment he’d been asked to perform was very dangerous, maybe even deadly, but probably just really dangerous.

He stood foot-deep in the waters of the Kero Sewers, trying to formulate how he’d go about performing the task ahead.  As the horrible smell of waste and raw sewage made itself more prominent, the Goomba questioned his judgement in places to ponder.

Then he heard footsteps.  They were distant and muffed, and the noise from gushing water was prominent, and it had been a while since he had his ears cleaned, and he was listening to light jazz on his walkman at the moment, but there were definitely footsteps.  They were getting louder.  Agent Smithoshi reckoned this was because the source of the footsteps was getting closer.

Before he could react a figure leapt from a pipe and landed about three feet and seven inches to Agent Smithoshi’s left.  He could hardly believe his eyes.

Before him stood Waluigi, his clothes torn and a golden Viking helmet placed on his head.  In his arms he carried the shell of a Koopaling, the owner of which he could not be sure.

“I thought I’d find you here,” Waluigi scoffed, not looking directly at the intrudee.

“What the heck are you doing here!?” Smithoshi demanded, slightly upset at the sudden disturbance, yet surprised to see Waluigi alive and well.

“None of your business,” said Waluigi.  “What just happened to me… well, it changes everything.”

“What DID happen?” the goomba demanded, taking off his headphones so he could hear better.  “It’s been weeks! You’ve been determined legally dead!”

“Well tell them I’m not,” Waluigi requested.  “I’m not dead, so that’s not right.” He groaned slightly and set down the shell so he could rest because the shell was heavy.  He gripped his elbow.

“You’re hurt,” Smithoshi determined.  “Get some rest, you look like you’ve been in a fight with a bear. And didn’t win.”

“There’s no time, you idiot!” barked Waluigi.  “The prophecy will not wait for us! Time flows as we speak, and my wounds will heal themselves when time becomes plentiful!”

Agent Smithoshi let loose a single tear.  Waluigi was right, whatever he just said.  “Let me help you at least,” he asked.  “I can carry that shell for you!”

“But you’re busy, aren’t you?”

“Oh, I am actually.” Smithoshi forgot that he was on that mission that was very dangerous and not safe.

Waluigi stared into a tunnel.  “Things have changed since our days at the orphanage, Smithoshi.  We’ve both got agendas to stick to, and it’s likely our paths will never cross again.”

“I’ll let everyone know you’re safe.  At least let me do that.”

“No!” Waluigi punched the goomba, who fell backwards into the water.  “Nobody can know! Not yet!”

“But you told me to!” Agent Smithoshi reminded him, spitting out a Cheep Cheep.

Waluigi remembered when he asked him to tell them he was alive.  “Oh yeah, well don’t tell them. They’ll find out in due time.” Waluigi paused.

Smithoshi looked at his distorted, murky reflection in the sewer water.  “Flavio should know, at least-“

“Flavio is dead.”

There was a long silence.  Neither of the two looked directly at each other.  Smithoshi bit his lip, not wanting to think about what Waluigi had just told him.  First Orbulon, and now Flavio…

“I can’t waste anymore time,” Waluigi said, trying not to remember the horrible yet action-packed events that had transpired shortly before and the gruesome task that had been placed before him.  “Smithoshi, it’s… it’s good to see you.” He removed his hand from his elbow, revealing a huge scar that made itself prominent there, a permanent reminder of the mistakes Waluigi had made.  Smithoshi couldn’t find the words, but instead stared at it because it was weird.

Waluigi darted into the tunnel, disappearing in the darkness.  The goomba did not look because it would be sad to him.  He let out a long sigh, opening his mission briefing for the fourth time that day.

“It’s as good a time as any, I suppose…” he decided.  “It’s time to ambush Shy Guy’s Toybox!” With that, he disappeared into a void of green lines.

The shell of Larry Koopa remained floating in the sewage, alone, forgotten and abandoned.


Chapter Six: The Everlasting Despair of the Advent

Many years ago, before the second appearance of the Shadow King, Parakarry was happily delivering letters.

“I had better make sure I deliver all of these letters without misplacing any of them!” Parakarry said because he was delivering letters since he was a postman and not a fireman. 

Parakarry fluttered up to the mailboxes of Toad Town. Carefully he checked the addresses on every single letter. He delivered to mailboxes 201, 203, 205, 207, and 209. Then he went to the other side of the street and delivered to 202, 204, 206, 208, and 210. He handed a package to Rowf the shop keeper as he was standing outside his shop.

“Rain, sleet, or snow, the mail always gets through!” Parakarry said merrily with a wink and a wave!  “We always deliver!”


Then, Parakarry realized something. He had dropped some letters! He was very worried, because he was supposed to deliver those and not lose them instead. He looked around worriedly, and saw that people were upset because they had not gotten all of their letters.

“This wouldn’t happen if we had Seargeant FLUTTER delivering our mail,” said Fice T., complaining.

“Shut up!” Parakarry screamed, clutching his flight cap tightly, “SHUT UP!!”

Frantically, Parakarry looked all over the town trying to find the letters. He looked everywhere and all over the place, wanting to find all the letters, but he couldn’t find any. He was really worried because he didn’t want to lose his job as a postman.

Suddenly, Parakarry saw Big Lantern Ghost walking down the street. Then he went to the wharf to look for letters there, but there weren’t.

“Oh, this is no use! I can’t find letters anywhere! I guess I’m just not as super cool as I thought I was.” He was sad because he didn’t want the post master to shout at him for losing letters again.

“Hey you!” Shouted a strange purple and peach colored worm wearing a top hat and bowtie, “Don’t be so down, my lad!”

Parakarry gasped, it was Chuck Quizmo!

“If ya take my extra fun, super exciting mega cool quiz game, maybe I can help you find your letters!”

Parakarry wasn’t so sure about this. He didn’t know much about quiz games. “Is it like delivering postcards?”

“Ha ha! All you have to do is anwer the riddle I tells ya! Then you win a prize!”

“Golly!” Said Parakarry, because he wasn’t so sure about this. But he had nothing to lose. “What does it cost?”

“Nothing! I just love to tell quizes!”

“I suppose that’s why they call you Chuck QUIZmo,” said Parakarry, slyly.

“HAHAHAHAHA!!” Chuck Quizmo laughed uncontrollably. It was funny because he told people quizes, and he had the word quiz in his name. “HA HA HAH HA!!”

“But you should know,” Chuck said suddenly, “That this quiz is very important. Not even I know the answer to this one. It is said to relate to The Prophecy.”

“The Prophecy?” gasped Parakarry, “What’s that?”

“It is our only salvation! Now here is the quiz:”

A old scroll appeared in front of Parakarry in a flash of light. On it was the following riddle:

The door of disorder is sealed with eight keyholes of destiny. It is not opened. By the power of the Fire Flower, Eight keys are scattered throughout the world. No one knows how to open the chaos door. How is it opened? The door is blue.

“I don’t understand any of this!” Parakarry said, getting a headache, “It doesn’t make any sense!”

“Try!” Chuck said anxiously, “I really like people to answer quizes!”

“It’s REALLY confusing and also hard to understand!”

Parakarry held his aching head, but then suddenly everything was clear to him in a flash of light.

“The eight keys…. Of The Prophecy… can open, the chaos door?”

Chuck Quizmo gaped in surprise. “Of… Of course! The eight keys in the riddle refer to the Eight Keys of The Prophesy! And the Door of Disorder refers to the Chaos Door!! It all makes sense now! We must gather the keys at once and open the door!”

“No…” Parkarry groaned, “We must never open the Chaos Door! It is a bad idea, probably!”


“I AM ORGANIZATION ENIGMA!!” Chuck Quizmo howled in his madness, and his bowtie was consumed by The Darkness.

“Noooo!” Parakarry said. He tried to stop him and didn’t succeed in stopping him.

Quizmo whipped Parakarry with his tail, and disappeared into his tophat. As Parakarry sat there, his concussion sending him into unconciousness. In his delerium, he saw a vision of a trail of postage stamps that pointed the way to The Donut Plains…


“I am a cook and I love to coooook.”

Tayce T. bustled about in her kitchen, cooking delightful foods because she was a cook.  Tayce T. liked to take recipes from people and cook food for them because cooking was her specialty as a cook.  She cooked good.

“If only I had a Dried Pasta and a Koopa Leaf,” Tayce T. said cheerfully to herself.  “Then I could cook Koopasta!”

Just then, the door swung open with so much force.  The Master walked in honorably.  He was the fighting martial arts master sensei at the Toad Town Dojo.  The Master sat down dramatically.

“Hello, Tayce T.”

“Hello!  I’m cooking!”

“What are you cooking?”

“I’m cooking a Shroom Steak, which is made from a Life Shroom and Mushroom!”


Just then, the door swung open with so much evil force.  Tayce T. stopped cooking and turned around. 

It was Kammy Koopa.  She was a Magikoopa dressed in purple clothes with glasses.  She’s a bad guy.

“Nya ha ha ha!”  Kammy Koopa snickered.  “Look outside, you two!  Bombette is being consumed by the darkness!”


Tayce T. and The Master ran outside.  Bombette was becoming evil, because she was being consumed by the darkness.

“BOMBETTE!”  Tayce T. cried.


“What are you doing?!”

“I’m being consumed by the darkness.”



“Nothing makes sense anymore,” Tayce T. sobbed.

“On the contrary,” Kammy Koopa interrupted between mouthfuls of steak.  “Everything makes sense anymore.”

“This must be the Dark Influence,” The Master shouted.  “I learned about this in the ancient scrolls in my dojo that I run as a martial arts master.  It’s related to the Prophecy.”

“What does the Dark Influence do?”  Tayce T. asked.

“The Dark Influence makes good guys become bad guys.”         “NO!” 

“Yes, it does.”


“It’s too late!”  Kammy cackled as she washed down the steak with a glass of milk.  “After the Dark Influence changes a good guy to a bad guy, it is too late.  They are evil now like bad guys.  Like ME.”


The Master ran toward Kammy and began to attack because he knew martial arts.  Kammy dodged because she was on a broomstick.  Then she pulled out her wand.  Then she used evil dark magic to kill The Master.  He died.

“How could you?!”  Tayce T. sobbed.  “HOW COULD YOU?!”

“Well, first I pulled out my wand, then I used evil dark magic and he died.”


“By the way,” Kammy said.  “That was a really good Shroom Steak.  That was a REALLY good Shroom Steak.”

“You…you…ate…my…Shroom Steak?”



Belome threw Tayce T. a black cloak and she put it on.  The Dark Influence was making her mind different and darker.  Tayce T. was no longer a cook.  Now she was an EVIL cook.  Except she’s not gonna cook anymore, so she’s just evil.  Belome also threw Tayce T. four gatling guns.

“Thanks, Belome.”

“No problem-o.”

Belome then teleported away because the Dark Influence allowed him to.  Tayce T. took the four gatling guns and shot Kammy Koopa twice.  She stopped living roughly five seconds afterwards.

“Now that I have a black cloak and gatling guns,” Tayce T. said evilly because the Dark Influence made her evil.  “What should I do next?”

Tayce T. went over to her mailbox and looked inside.  She pulled out a postcard with the words “Come to beautiful Organization Seventeen” superimposed over a picture of a tropical sunset with evil tiki drinks.


Tayce T. went into the house to get ready.  She started to cook, but then she realized that she could not, because she was evil now.  Sobbing heavily, she took her gatling guns and left her happy cook past behind, turning now to her bleak and evil future with Organization Seventeen.  She used to be a good guy, but because of the Dark Influence, she was now a bad guy. 

Meanwhile, Bombette was still evil and killed eighty-nine people.


Kooper and Goombario were walking along one day in Pleasant Path, reminiscing about their adventures and how good their friendship was.

“I was thinking about archaeology the other day…” Kooper explained.  “And it occurred to me that some things get buried in the dirt after a long time!”

“I wonder what Mario would do if he knew that!” Goombario wondered.  “I’ll bet I would react in a similar fashion!”

“This day is wonderful!” Kooper said with a smile.  “I hope nothing goes wrong.”

“MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE FURY!!!” a voice said, floating down from the skies on a jetpack helmet.

“OH NO!! IT’S FAWFUL!!!!!” Kooper and Goombario said simultaneously in fear.

“I’m doing the committing of crimes!” Fawful laughed.  “Because I’m EVIL and I have lots of FURY built up!”

“Fawful…” Kooper said, tears escaping from his eyes.  “Why do you have to be so furious?”

“Kooper, don’t!” Goombario warned.

“I know you’re not like this!” Kooper yelled, ignoring his Goomba buddy.

“What are you mustard fink-rats talking about!?” Fawful inquired, because he didn’t understand what Kooper meant.

“I mean that you have goodness in your heart! Somewhere!” Kooper explained.


Fawful pulled out two gattling guns and pointed them in the general direction of the two, although it was slightly off and if he were firing, not every bullet would hit.

“I HAVE FURY!!!” Fawful said furiously, firing his weapons in a lot of directions.

Kooper and Goombario jumped, dove, barrel-rolled and backflipped until every bullet Fawful had fired was avoided.  Fawful was fucking pissed.

“You fink-rats!” he growled.  “I WILL DISPOSE OF YOU FINK-RATS WITH MUSTARD FURY!”

“Stop it, Fawful!” Kooper cried, diving into the Beanbean.  “Please, STOP!”

Kooper bumped into Fawful.

“What’s this?” Fawful said, shivering.  “I feel warm and fuzzy! Is this FURY!?”

“It’s FRIENDSHIP!” Kooper announced proudly.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Fawful screamed, wincing in pain  “It CAN’T be!!”

Goombario thought about what Mario would do in this situation, but opted to go through with his own plans.  “Fawful, come with us. We’re about to play Freeze Tag with our friends at Koopa Village!”

“I… I can’t…” Fawful said, crying.  “It’s not in me!”

“It is!” Kooper said.

“No! No it’s not! It’s NOT in me!” Fawful corrected.

“I KNOW it is!”

“No, it isn’t!”

“Surely it is!”

“No, really it’s not!”


Fawful struggled with his affection and wandered towards a field next to them.  “I have too much fury, Kooper!” he roared.  “I can’t be friends with you!”

“Forget about your fury!” Kooper cried.

Suddenly, a part of the field caught on fire because it was very sunny that day as it was in the middle of the Summer and it wasn’t very cloudy.  Immediately the entire field burst into flame.

“OH NOOOOOOOOO!!” Fawful screamed while on fire.

“FAWFUL!!!” Kooper cried, reaching for his friend.

“I AM DYING! IN A FIRE!” Fawful cried, being burnt by the fire that was surrounding him.


But it was too late.  The fire went away and all that remained was ashes.  Fawful had been killed, and the murderer was nature.

“Oh wow,” Russ T. said, having witnessed the whole thing.  “Fawful died! It is surely a sign that the prophecy is unfolding!”

“I know he could’ve been my friend…” Kooper cried, falling to his knees.  “I just want to see him again!  I wish I could be reunited with him!”

Goombario consoled his friend.  “It’s too late now, Kooper. He’s not coming back.

Kooper sobbed right there on the path.  He missed his lost friend.


“You don’t understand,” Ludwig sneered as he pulled out his wand, that all Koopalings have.  He was ready to shoot magic from his wand.  Magic that would kill a person. 

“No, you don’t understand!” Birdo cried as she straightened her red bow.

“Actually, I do,” Ludwig responded.  “I’m not sure why you even said that, because I do understand..  After all, I understand everything about the Prophecy.”

“No, you don’t!” Birdo screamed as she shot eggs out of her mouth.

“What the-YES, I DO!”  Ludwig shouted.  “The Koopalings learned this because we are bad guys!”

“NO, YOU DON’T!”  Birdo shrieked as she straightened her red bow again, shot eggs out of her mouth, and was pink.

“I’ve had enough of your insolence!”  Ludwig bellowed.  “Prepare to taste my magic!  And I assure you won’t taste good!  It’ll taste like you getting KILLED!”

With that said, Ludwig shot magic blasts from his magic wand.  Birdo jumped over them. 

“Come now, Birdo,” Ludwig sneered with a grimace.  “We’re not so different, you and I.”

“Yes, we are!  You have blue hair!”

“No, BESIDES that,” Ludwig snapped.  “You used to be a bad guy too, remember?  Back in your Subcon days.”

“I don’t want to remember those days!”  Birdo cried.  “I’m a good guy now!  Not a bad guy!”

“And yet you seemed so devastated when you learned that Fryguy was dead.”

“That’s because…Fryguy was my friend.  Even though he was a bad guy.  But I was a bad guy too.  But now I’m a good guy, like in Mario Kart.  But anyways, Fryguy was my FRIEND!”

“Well, now he’s a friend…who is DECEASED.”


The two foes prepared to attack each other.  Birdo prepared to shoot an egg from her mouth while Ludwig prepared to shoot magic from his wand.  But then a voice rang out through the chaos.

“Hey, I’m Rip Cheato.”

Birdo looked over.  It was Rip Cheato.  He waved.

“Want to buy a Star Piece for 64 coins?”  Rip Cheato offered.

“You’d better watch out,” Ludwig warned.  “That guy is a cheat.  He might give you a Dried Shroom instead of a Star Piece.  Then your 64 coins would be wasted because Dried Shrooms are not expensive.”

“No, thank you,” Birdo said to Rip Cheato.


And so he left.

“Now then,” Ludwig snarled.  “IT’S TIME TO FINISH THIS!”

Just then, a cab crashed down from the sky.  With its engine roaring, it slammed into Ludwig.  Ludwig was flung through the air and landed in a spike pit.  The spikes killed him.  A bulldog and a small cat climbed out of the cab and waved cheerfully.

“Who…who are you people?” Birdo asked because she was curious.

“We drive a cab!” Dribble announced triumphantly.

“Yeah!”  Spitz said.

Birdo climbed into the cab.  “Are you guys good guys too?”  She asked tentatively.  It would be awkward if they were bad guys.

“GET READY FOR A MICROGAME!”  Dribble screamed, his eyes bulging and spit frothing from his mouth.

“Yeah!”  Spitz said.

Birdo concentrated heavily.  She only had four lives.  If she lost this microgame, she would lose one of them!  Grabbing her stylus, she rolled that toilet paper roll as fast as she could.


Birdo’s eyes narrowed.

“Bring it.”


Chapter Seven: Intertwining Fates and Destinies

Jinx stood with his back turned, his cape fluttering in the wind as the giant meteor he stood on hurtled towards the Planet at almost sixty miles an hour. Kamek stood opposite of the feisty fighter, his magic machine gun pointed with pin-point decision.

“This ends NOW, Jinx. I’ll kill you now, if don’t stop the rock!”

Jinx turned his head slightly, and met Kamek’s gaze with only one hallow eye. “It doesn’t matter. Life form X MUST be brought to our planet or none will know the true salvation of The All Mind.”

Kamek trembled, and steadied the aim of his gun. “THIS IS MADNESS!” He shouted, trying to hold back teasr, “If this meteor isn’t stopped now, it will COMPLETELY DESTROY Booster Hill!”

A smirk spread across Jinx’s face. “Good Riddance.”

In an explosion of emotion, Kamek open fired. Geometric shapes blasted from the tip of the machine gun and rocketed towards Jinx really, really fast, but he stopped them by punching them.

“You can’t stop me,” Jinx grinned mercilessly.



Kamek did a twirling backflip and shot his machine gun at Jinx continously.

“Very well then.” Jinx muttered, looking down, “If you will not stop trying to stop me, than I will have to stop YOU. Behold the true power of the All Mind!”

Dodging another burst of artillery from Kamek, two giant insect wings sprouted from the back Jinx. His skin became hard and black and covered with spikes and claws, his eyes and mohawk became evil, his cape turned to blood red, and chainsaws erupted from his hands.

“No! Jinx! Don’t listen to Lifeform X! It is evil!”

“It is not evil!” Jinx roared in a demonic voice while covered in The Darkness, “IT IS THE WAY OF TRUE PEACE.”

“Not it’s not!”

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID!” Jinx swooped down and began shooting a lot of chainsaws out of his hands at Kamek.

Kamek dodged out of the way and returned fire, but Jinx punched Kamek in the face. Quickly rising his gun to guard his face from the chainsaws, Jinx slowly began sawing through the gun with his reving chainsaw hands.

“You can’t do this! This isn’t part of The Prophecy!

“Or maybe,” Jinx snarled as his chainsaw hands slowly inched towards Kamek’s face, “…This was part of The Prophecy all along.”

Kamek’s eyes widened at the sudden realization, but at that instant, the meteor smashed into Booster Hill with a massive explosion. As the vaporizing blast obliterated the meteor and Booster Hill, Kamek shed a single tear for all of the beetles who would be wiped out in the catastrophe. In a blinding flash of light, Jinx and Kamek were destroyed utterly.

As the dust settled, there was nothing left but the resonanting growl of Lifeform X. With a terrifying howl, the monstrous monstrosity rose from the pit to unveil the monster known as the All Mind.


“Welcome to the new stage of history.”

Toadsworth’s eyes opened as he found himself in a dark room.  In front of him was a chair illuminated by three flashlights and there was a monkey sitting in it.  Ukkiki grinned maniacally as he smoothed back his incredible pompadour.

“Where am I?”

“You are inside…the DARKNESS ROOM.”

The lights turned on.  Ukkiki turned them off.

“The darkness…” Toadsworth groaned as he shoved aside his sniper rifle and throwing knives.  “Where is it coming from?”

“Your heart,” Ukkiki answered.  “It is becoming dark.  Soon, it will not be light.”




“Yes.  Wallow in your despair.”

Toadsworth leapt to his feet without hesitation and aimed one of his throwing knives at Poochy’s head.  “Let me out of here, Ukkiki,” Toadsworth threatened.  “Or Poochy gets killed by one of my throwing knives.”


Toadsworth threw the knife and Poochy died in five seconds.

“Okay, now let me out of here.”


“Fine then,” Toadsworth sulked as he sat down in a beanbag chair.  He glared at Ukkiki defiantly.  “Tell me what you want from me.”

“Oh, nothing much,” Ukkiki started.  “We just want to know where you’re hiding Red Ninjakoopa.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m through with words,” Ukkiki snarled as he pulled out the Inferno Gauntlet.  “After I punch you a lot with this Inferno Gauntlet, you will tell me or you will die from the punches.  But you will probably tell me first.  I will show you the GREATEST NIGHTMARE with this Inferno Gauntlet.”

“Wh-where did you get that?”

“Let’s just say that Red Goomba wasn’t so successful in finding it,” Ukkiki giggled.  “And by that, I mean he got shot with forty-nine bullets.”

“That’s forty-nine bullets too many, Ukkiki,” Toadsworth said grimly.  “You’ll pay for each one of those bullets with your LIFE.”

Toadsworth began firing the sniper rifle from two feet away.  Ukkiki used the Inferno Gauntlet to fly in the air and dodged the bullets.  Toadsworth then revealed his trump card: his rocket launcher leg.

“Be gone, you scum!”

Toadsworth shot eight rockets at Ukkiki, but they all missed and made big holes in the wall.  Taking this opportunity, the old Toad leaped through one of the holes and shot sixteen rockets in mid-air.  Ukkiki destroyed those rockets with mind bullets.

“With mind bullets?!”

“That’s telekinesis, Toadsworth.”

“How bout the power…to move you?”  A third voice asked.

Ukkiki whirled to find eleven machetes flying at him at a really super fast speed.  He ducked, but one of them tore off his arm. 

“OW!  GEEZ!”

Jr. Troopa landed on his feet gracefully, with his purple cape billowing in the wind.  He held his magic power staff to his chest and floating around his body floated thirty floating machetes.

“Well then,” Jr. Troopa announced dramatically.  “Let us dance.”

Ukkiki was enraged and so mad.  “SWORDS ARE NOT TOYS!”

With all of his rage and anger, Ukkiki began to charge up his Inferno Gauntlet with super powerful energy.  He roared really loudly and leaped into the air.



Ukkiki let out a bellowing roar of anger. 


Jr. Troopa opened the door to the Darkness Room and opened up the door to Dark Chaos Space.  Ukkiki got sucked out really fast, but Toadsworth and Jr. Troopa didn’t.  The Inferno Punch exploded in a tremendous light.  You could see it in space.

“Ha, ha.  Not even the Inferno Punch stands a change against Dark Chaos Space,” Jr. Troopa chuckled.

“Ha, ha.  That’s ironic.”

Little did both of them know that in Dark Chaos Space, a figure was soaring on rocket boots.  He went over to where Ukkiki was floating around, all dead and stuff.  The figure yanked the Inferno Gauntlet from the dead monkey’s claws and cackled.

“SOON!  SOON, EVERYTHING WILL BE COMPLETE!”  Big Lantern Ghost screeched as he flew off into the depths of Dark Chaos Space.


Three figures sat together on the Flower Fields Subway.  One was wearing a tight hoodie and his identity was unknown.  A Nimbian sat across from him with a giant golden statue of Wart next to him.  The third figure was Eldstar, asleep on some newspapers next to the hooded figure.

The two glanced at each other a whole lot of times as the subway made its trek through the dark, wet tunnels underneath the Mushroom Kingdom.  Eldstar coughed a bit and rolled over on his makeshift bed.

“Lovely weather,” Garro commented, looking out the window, despite the darkness of the subway.

“Indeed…” the figure replied, tightening up his hoodie.

The subway hit a bump and the figure dropped his present.  It lay there alone in the middle of the subway, waiting for someone to pick it up.

“You dropped somethin’,” Garro said shrewdly.

The figure stood up and leaned over to grab his gift, but as he bent over, two drops of water fell from his hood.  He glanced up and saw Garro grimacing.

“I’ve got you now!”

He grabbed his Wart statue and the crown opened up to reveal the nozzle of a bazooka.

“Oh my goodness!” the figure shouted, pulling out an uzi and throwing off his hoodie.

“I’ve been looking for you, Crystal King,” Garro said, puffing a cigar that came seemingly out of nowhere.

“I don’t want any business with you, Garro,” the icy king said, pointing his gun directly at Garro’s forehead.

“That’s too bad,” Garro said, frowning.  “Because you have some now!”

Garro shot around four shots from his bazooka.  Crystal King jumped over the resulting explosion and fired his uzi randomly in the air, causing a pipe to land next to Garro.

“GRRRRRR!” Garro growled in anger.  He fired eight missiles towards Crystal King, who was running down the side of the cart to avoid them.  He did three backflips while throwing ninja stars, knocking the statue out of Garro’s hands!

“I have you!” Crystal King laughed, firing his uzi randomly around the Subway.  Garro dived under the bullets and grabbed his weapon, ducking for cover behind a leather seat.

Eldstar started stirring from the noise, but went back to sleep because he was pretty tired.

Crystal King was ducking behind another seat, reloading his uzi.  He wondered if Garro was approaching, because he didn’t know, because he wasn’t looking.  He peaked over the seat.

Only Eldstar was in the cart.

“What the!?” Crystal King gasped.

The roof above him exploded as a rain of bazooka rockets fell directly onto Crystal King.  He quickly rolled out of the way at the last minute, firing his uzi upwards.  He heard cackling from the hole in the roof the bazooka made, so he jumped up on top of the subway.

Garro smirked as his opponent stood before him.  “Trying to halt the prophecy, are we?”

“The prophecy is all wrong!” Crystal King shouted with tears in his eyes.  “It’s not too late to stop it!”

“The prophecy is NOT stoppable, you idiot!”  Garro yelled, firing three rockets into the air. “Gooper Blooper was a doubter as well.  Which is why he got what was coming to him.”

“He died!” Crystal King said.

“I know!” Garro laughed.  “And now you will too!”

“Not if I shoot you in the head first!” the Duplighost growled, pointing his gun forward with his finger on the trigger.

Suddenly, he had a rapier sticking out of his back.  He dropped the gun and turned around to view his murderer.  “You… you monsters!” He dropped dead in front of Eldstar.

“Those poor souls,” the star said, frowning.  “They think they can stop the prophecy, but they can’t, because the prophecy is unstoppable!”

“What’s in the present?” Garro asked, putting away his Wart bazooka.

Eldstar opened the gift.  “It’s… a note!”

“We’ll read this later…” Garro said, looking ahead.  “We’ve got some unfinished business with Goombaria…”


“Clear the way! Move it!” shouted a frantic Bootler, quickly wheeling an occupied stretcher through the crowded hallways of DADist Hospital East. “MAKE WAY!”

Patients and doctors dove out of the way so as not to get in the way of the ghost.  Bootler turned three corners and went up an elevator and turned a fourth corner and then bumped into Boshi.

“Ow!” Bootler said.  “Boshi, get out of the way!”

“What?” Boshi said.

“Get out of the way!”


Boshi got out of the way and Bootler continued wheeling the new patient into the Emergency Room.

“Oh my gosh!” Dr. The Angry Sun shouted, rising from his computer.  “What happened!?”

Bootler fought to hold back tears.  “It was so sudden… apparently Flurrie had something to do with it…”

“Flurrie!” the sun spat, clenching his fists.  “She will pay for all this, damn it!”

“What’s going on!?” shouted two more doctors simultaneously, running into the room.

“It’s bad, it’s real bad,” Dr. The Angry Sun explained.  “His pulse is dropping and his statistics are pretty bad. He’s unconscious at the moment, and if we don’t operate soon, he may fall into cardiac arrest… forever!”

The two new physicians gasped.  The shorter, more Italian of the two stepped forward. “Let’s operate-a on-a him now!”

“Right you are, Dr. Mario,” said Dr. Topper, putting on latex gloves.  “We have to hurry, there’s little time to be wasted.”

Dr. The Angry Sun pulled the covers from the patient’s face.  Tatanga lie motionless, his eyes wide open, with a sense of fear filling both of them.

“Give me-a the scalpel-a!” Dr. Mario demanded, tossing multicolored pills into Tatanga’s throat.  Dr. Topper gave Mario the scalpel.

Beads of sweat forming on Mario’s forehead, he slowly made an incision across the alien’s forensic artery.  The only chance they had was to bypass his neumatonic system and place an artificial tube at the center of his heart.  The doctor worked carefully, his two companions and Bootler standing by, their hearts seeming to beat the seconds as they passed.

“This is terrible…” Bootler said, remembering all the times Tatanga had been there for him.  “He didn’t deserve this. Nobody deserves this.”

“Do you think…” Doctor Topper began.  “…this could be a sign of the prophecy?”

With that dreaded word that had cursed his family for generations, Dr. The Angry Sun lost it.  He roared and leapt for the ignorant Dr. Topper, who caught on fire because Dr. The Angry Sun is made of fire and is very hot to the touch.

“NO-A!!!” Dr. Mario screamed, pulling back the angry Sun.  However, it was too late. Dr. Topper had given his last autopsy.  He was gone.  Dr. The Angry Sun had killed him accidentally.

The three stood there in panic, unsure what to do. Tatanga’s condition worsened.  Dr. The Angry Sun broke down.

“No!” he cried. “NO!!! I’ve killed my best friend!” He turned to his cohorts.  “I… I don’t deserve to be a surgeon… I must go into isolation…”

“Don’t talk-a like that-a!” Dr. Mario cried.  “You must help people-a-a!”

“I can’t help people…” the sun replied.  “I’m… useless! USELESS!” He flew out the window to Desert Land.

Bootler and Dr. Mario turned to Tatanga.  His heart monitor continued to make the occasional beep, but the sight was far from relieving.  Tatanga had fallen into a coma. The surgery was a failure.


Chapter Eight: Awakening of the Millennium Lineage

Backflipping through the rippling painting, MIPS dropped down into a dark room with his cloak billowing after him. The only light in this darkened hall came from the shadows emminating from the Nightmare Scepter that MIPS wielded.

“So,” boomed a malevolant voice from beyond the inky black shadowy pitch darkness, “Once again we meet for the first time.”

“Wise Wisterwood,” spat MIPS, “I should have known.”

At once MIPS saw the calculated face of Wise Wisterwood staring down at him. This had all been part of his plan.

“You can’t stop the Brotherhood of Nightmares,” MIPS warned, “We WILL find SANCTUARY, and then it will be too late.”

Wise Wisterwood looked to the side, out the window overlooking Bob-omb Battlefield. “Tall, Tall mountain is burning,” he said, “It is only a matter of time before Fahr Outpost joins us.”

“Do you think I’m afraid?!” MIPS stomped forward, “Because I am not afraid OR scared. You think ANYTHING can stop my ambition?  The ministry is on our side and the Nightmare Scepter will behave only ME!”

Wise Wisterwood could only laugh, the irony was too much.

“THIS IS NOT A JOKE, WISTERWOOD,” MIPS slammed his fist into a stone column and shattered it completely, “I have come to put a stop to you, and reclaim the AEON relics.”

Wisterwood’s chuckle slowly subsided, “They are useless without the Forbidden Radiance. Did you know that? Hinopio made sure of that.”

MIPS could only grin smugly. Wisterwood had no way of knowing what had happened to Hinopio.

“Tell me, Wise Wisterwood, What do you hope to achieve? Once the Chaos Door has been open, there will be no turning back.”

“The Prophecy was NOT mistranslated. I don’t want to believe in it any more than you do, but the Chosen One has been found and there is no point in try

MIPS turned to the window, “You are a fool to trust your fate to Il Piantissimo. He will never achieve CONTACT.”

“Even so, he has gained control of the Zohar Engine. I will not desert my oldest and dearest friend.”

“I will make sure he recieves an invitation to your funeral,” MIPS chortled. “Did you know, my wooden friend, that The LAMBS have already infiltrated Tubular? The Special Stage has been lost while you all have been wasting your time hunting down the Apocolypse Cloak.”

“I know that.”

“WHAT?!” MIPS shouted, “Why do you continue then? It’s hopeless!”

“Because,” Wise Wisterwood explained, “I know something that you do not.

MIPS was becoming sick and tired of Wisterwood’s insipid prattle, “And what, praytell, is that?”

“The true purpose of the Seventeen Arch-Angels of the Prophecy.”

MIPS’ eyes widened and he couldn’t stop freaking out.


“The Don will see youse now.”

Koopie Koo holstered her dual chain guns as the door to the Rogueport Syndicate’s office closed with an ominous thunk. Stepping forward past the armed Pinata thugs, she saw Frankie within the absolute pitch darkness with his sunglasses shining brightly.

“It has been too long,” mumbled the mob boss, “I wish we could have met again on a happier occasion.” He was stroking a white cat and also eating a bowl of spaghetti, “As it stands, however, the war of the two kingdoms has made everyone very sad and not happy. It is a miserable state of affairs that requires me to request the services of Koopie Koo, ‘The Blood Hands'”

Koopie Koo grimaced, “Cut the hogwash!” she rasped, “Who am I putting on ice today?”

Frankie growled and slammed his fist into the desk, “The doof killed my FRANCESCA! I won’t ever forget that scummy dirtwad as long as I live!”

Koopie Koo raised an eyebrow, “You want me to take out the Rawk Hawk?”

Standing up, Frankie peered out through the Venetian blinds of his office between mouthfuls of spaghetti. “These are dark times we’re living in,” he explained, “I’m not going to believe in any Prophecy that intends to let a murderer like him go free. It’s against the LAW, and I won’t abide law breaking.”

“But The Prophecy…!”

“SHUT UP!” Screamed Frankie, “I DON’T CARE! I am calling in every favor you owe the syndicate. If you refuse, I will see to it that Luigi never makes it to the Eternal Star stage.”


Frankie took out a fireflower from his waistcoat, he slammed it down on the desk and slid it over to Koopie Koo.

“The Bean Beans are trying to ascend to SANCTUARY.”

Koopie Koo hesitated, “They don’t understand what it really is.”

Frankie frowned and adjusted his shimmering glasses.

“Kill Rawk Hawk and maybe I’ll help you.”

Koopie Koo accepted the fire flower and left the office at once.

As she left the item shop, the plaza was rocked by an explosion and someone threw a car at Koopie Koo.

“OH YEAAAAAH! Looks like SOMEONE is gonna get RAWK’D!!”

Koopie Koo leapt into the air and ran across the hurled car as it hurtled towards the brick wall. Swan diving off the end bumper, she whipped out her chain guns and hailed bullets toward Rawk Hawk. He back flipped out of the way and punched Koopie in the face and sent her tumbling back.

She spit out a bloody tooth as she pulled herself off the pavement, “You’re not leaving this street alive, Hawk. Give up now and I won’t make you suffer.”


Koopie Koo open fired again, only to have the shots deflected as Rawk Hawk used a slab of concrete as a shield. Yanking a lamp post clean from the street, he swiped at Koopie Koo, narrowly missing as she weaved in and out of the attacks.

“SLAMMA JAMMA!!!” Rawk Hawk shouted hurled the lamppost at his opponent like a javelin. Koopie Koo’s chain guns brought it down, and suddenly she whipped her trench coat open wide and sent fourteen throwing knives speeding towards Rawk Hawk. They sank deep into his chest, making him howl in pain.

“OHHH! WHO’S gonna pay for that? YOU’RE gonna pay for that. OH YEAAAAAH!!”

“Bring it on, tubby!” Koopie hissed.

Suddenly, through the smoke and glowing embers of the smoldering plaza, they saw upon the rooftops the spectral image of Big Lantern Ghost’s spirit from beyond the grave.

“It is time,” he said.


Goombario readied his ninety-shot bazooka menacingly.  “I’m warning you,” He growled.  “This baby can shoot ninety times.”


Kylie Koopa spit out her chewing tobacco and lit four cigars while finishing her cigarette.  She then began swinging her chainsaw nunchucks. 

“You need to finish her,” Captain Syrup said urgently to her Goomba lover.  “She’s one of the Masters of the Lost Covenant.”

“Oh, fuck.”

Goombario now knew the full urgency of the situation.  Everything was on the line now.  The Prophecy, the Chaos Door, even the Cataclysm Sanctuary was at stake.  But most importantly, the soul of their beloved companion was at risk.  If he lost now, Sluggy the Unshaven would be sent to the Omega Realm.

“I can’t lose now, Kylie Koopa,” Goombario said solemnly.  “If I lose now, that would really, really suck.”

“But there’s no way you can win, you fool!” Kylie cackled.  “Remember Roger the Potted Ghost?”

“Uh…no, actually, I don’t know who that is.”

“Well, I killed him.”

“Ah.  Okay.”

Kylie then leaped into the air and screamed for no reason.  She landed on her feet.  Then she did a triple backflip and a quadruple somersault.  She landed on her feet again.  Then she threw a chainsaw at Goombario.

“You’ll have to do better than that, Kylie!”  Goombario scoffed. 

“You don’t understand, you simpleton!  That’s a CHAOS CHAINSAW!”


Goombario stared at the whirling chainsaw in horror.  It was black.  Black as the notes of the Dark Sonata itself. 

“GOOMBARIO!”  Captain Syrup screamed.



But it was way too late.  The Chaos Chainsaw sliced off Goombario’s right arm.  Blood spurted everywhere as Goombario collapsed on the ground convulsing in pain.

“Goombario, are you all right?!”


“HA HA HA HA HA!!!”  Kylie chuckled lightly.  “Now you see what you’re dealing with.  Chaos can accomplish anything!”

Goombario staggered to his feet, but collapsed on the ground and vomited violently.  The pain was overwhelming.  He tried to get up again, but instead threw up eighty times.  But he NEEDED to stop throwing up and being gross.  He NEEDED to get up.  Sluggy was waiting for them.  Goombario clenched his teeth together and stood.

“You…could never…understand…Kylie.”


“Have you ever flown in a dream?”  Goombario whispered.  “That tingling feeling turns me into a hero who rescues my friends from monsters.  Monsters like YOU.”

“Your self-righteousness is pitiful!”  Kylie snarled. 

“You’ve joined the side of darkness, Kylie,” Goombario spoke in a louder and stronger voice.  “But you see, we are the guards of beautiful nature!  We’ll never stop our big adventure till the glorious day of the final victory!”

Kylie’s eyes widened in horrific realization.  “You…you met…HIM?!”

“That’s right,” Captain Syrup answered.  “We are the disciples of Mr. Zingo, Chief Prosecutor of the Land of Lost Dreams.”

“I thought that was a myth!”

“It wasn’t.”


“I’m the winner among all the brave players of dreamland!”  Goombario shouted spectacularly.

“I DON’T BELIEVE IT!”  Kylie shrieked.  “I DON’T!  SERIOUSLY!”



“ULTIMATE ATTACK!”  Goombario announced.  “POWERFUL JUMP!”

Goombario leaped and dropkicked Kylie in the face.  It broke every bone in her face.  Kylie crumpled on the ground, clutching her face.


In celebration of their foe’s defeat, Goombario and Captain Syrup decided to make out for a half-hour.  After that, Goombario walked over to Kylie who was still clutching her broken, bleeding face. 

“Now do you feel what I have suffered?”  Goombario whispered as he wept silently.  “Now do you see the life I have lead?  “

“Ah, how beauty shines in the warrior who is trying his best!”  A mocking evil voice rang out.

Goombario looked up immediately.  Those pre-pubescent squeaks filled him with dread, not just because they were really irritating, but because he recognized that voice.


Kooper floated down from the skies with his Chaos Scythe in hand.  He looked upon his former friend without a flicker of recognition.

“Why, Kooper?  WHY?!”

“Haven’t you realized the truth yet?!” Kooper laughed.  “All of your friends have betrayed you.  Look!  Behind you!  SOMEONE’S WATCHING YOU.”

Goombario turned frantically and saw Sluggy the Unshaven watching him.  Sluggy was in a dark cloak and his eyes were red like the color of evil.

“He was part of Organization Enigma this whole time,” Kooper explained.


“In the end,” Kooper chuckled softly as he pointed at Sluggy.  “He will be the last man standing.”

Sluggy grabbed his plasma rifle and aimed straight at Goombario’s head.  He grinned wickedly.  “Hey!  You can’t beat me!  Wow!”

Goombario choked back a sob as he leaned on Captain Syrup in despair.  The despairs and sufferings of his long, weary life were collapsing upon him and he realized one last thing before his untimely death.

There were no Keys to the Chaos Door.  Belome had lied.   


Parakarry woke up on a cold, wet, stone floor.  The lighting was poor, but he could make out chains hanging from the roof.  He felt a swelling in his chest and coughed seven times.  He couldn’t manage to stand up.

His forehead felt wet, so he felt it with his hand. It was covered in blood.  Slowly, Parakarry began to recall where he was, and an immense fear began to grow inside him.

“Let me out of here!” he yelled, crawling to the steel door and banging on it.  “Anybody! HELP!!” Tears filled his eyes and he continued to bellow at the top of his lungs, but nobody heard his cries.  He slumped in the corner and cried. All hope was lost, it seemed.

“My my, are we upset?” came a voice from the other side of the door.

Parakarry now regretted making such a fuss, and did not respond.

A loud series of clangs and jingles came from the other side of the door. Parakarry’s heart began to beat faster, and he looked for some place to hide.  There was none, for it was a very small room without much in it.

The door swung open and a shadowy figure stepped in.  Parakarry could not make out his features in the poor light, but he knew who it was, although he certainly wished he didn’t.

“Please, I beg of you,” Parakarry pleaded helplessly.  “You have to stop all this! The Rope of Fear cannot be underestimated!”

“You know it won’t work,” chuckled the figure as he lit a cigar.  “We can’t stop this thing now if we wanted to.  Please, try to look on the bright side of things; there could be something amazing behind the door.”

“It’s… probably evil!” Parakarry said.  “We can’t take that chance!”

The figure laughed louder now, with smoke drifting from his lungs into the postman’s helpless face.

“There’s still a chance… Doopliss can stop this, just find him and-“

“Doopliss?” growled the figure, who threw the cigar violently into the wall where it exploded.  “Doopliss can’t save you now.  Doopliss is dead. I watched him die myself, along with that disgusting slob, Megasmilax.”

The words rang through Parakarry’s head like a thousand and seven banshees. It couldn’t be true.  Parakarry’s jaw dropped, and the little bit of hope that he had left disappeared.  Doopliss couldn’t be gone.  He wouldn’t let himself believe it.

“Twink will never let you get away with this…” Parakarrry said, tears filling his eyes.

“I find it interesting,” chuckled the figure. “…that you put so much faith in Twink.”

“What are you talking about?” Parakarry growled.  “Twink is my friend!”

“Oh, some friend he is.  Who do you think gave us the location of the Goblet of Eternal Blizzard in the first place?”

“You… don’t mean…”

“Twink wanted you dead from the beginning,” chuckled the figure.  “He told us how much you trusted him and we laughed about it last Wednesday.”


“Now you realize,” the figure said, lighting a new cigar. “That we hold all the cards.” He pulled out a rusty knife.

“No, please!” Parakarry yelled.  “I… I can help you! I’ll join your side!”

“Sorry, bub,” the figure said, stepping closer.  “You had your chance. Now you lose.”

“You are DOOMING US ALL!” the parakoopa cried, managing to rise to his feet and back away from the figure.  “THE PROPHECY HAS WARNED AGAINST THIS VERY EVENT! THIS. CAN’T. HAPPEN!”

“Silence!” roared the figure, jabbing the knife into Parakarry’s right arm.  The postman yelped as he felt his arm become warm with blood.  The pain was overwhelming, and he fell to his knees before the figure.

“I’ve been waiting for this my whole life,” the figure said, smiling.

In one flash of lightning, the horrifying face of Chaos Yellow Ninjakoopa was imprinted in Parakarry’s mind.  He let out a blood-curdling scream as all of his intestines were ripped out with one fell swoop of the knife.


Chapter Nine: Eighth Day of Doomed Reckoning

“Tuxie!” Shouted Frankly, because he did not want to whisper, “You have to let me go! I have to find the SERUM!!”

Tuxie the penguin sliced off Frankly’s head, and the severed legs started spraying blood all over the place.

“Man, this is a lot of blood,” Tuxie said. Kooper was not going to be happy about this, but they were mortal enemies so Tuxie did not care.

The groaning from outside the Poshley Height Hotel began to grow in volume. Penguin zombies began to flail and trash against the entrance doors, the fortifications would not last long. Tuxie turned to Jagger, who had created these monstrosities with his abominable science

“Look at what your playing God has done! Look at the tormented faces of the undead! What do you have say for yourself?”

“Dude, my bad. Sorry.”

“NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” Tuxie grabbed Jagger’s microscope and began beating him with it, then he jammed his flipper into Jagger and tore out his appnedix and strangled him with it until he stopped living so much.

“Okay.” Tuxie said. Then the rotting carcus of Chief Chilly burst through the hotel wall, wailing and sprewing blood and bones and darkness.

The penguin zombies began to flood into the room, and Tuxie had to use his throwing knife gun to keep them at bay. Slowly he was being backed into a corner, but then he started freaking out and glowing.

“TUXIE!” The disembodied voice of his dearest friend Fuzzipede rang out, “The danger of the zombies has unlocked your latent psychic abilities! You must use the power of the Psionic Blade to survive!”

“I can’t!!!” Tuxie screamed, as the zombies came closer and wanted to bite him.

“BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART AND THE PROPHECY!!” Fuzzipede exclaimed, and vanished.

“NO!! FUZZIPEDE!” Tuxie screamed, and not being able to hold back his emotion suddenly exploded with energy. All the energy was rushing through him all the time!


The Psionic Sword sprang into Tuxie’s hand, a glowing really big huge sword that totally decapitated twenty zombies at once, he jumped into the crowd of zombies and tore off all their arms and faces and then made a chainsaw out of them and hurled it into the undead corpse of Chief Chilly.

“GRAAHARGHHWWGH.” Said the zombie Chief Chilly.

He exploded into gore, and Tuxie quickly stabbed every zombie in the face twenty times with his Psionic Blade and then made them explode.

The Hotel was quiet again, for the first times in years. Poshley Heights could finally rest in pieces.

Tuxie turned away, throwing his black cloak wide open. He began to march back to Moleville, where he was needed.

“You’ll pay for this, Belome.”



Apprentice ran away from the real army, but he wasn’t very fast because he was a chef, not a runner, and this wasn’t a cooking competition.  Up ahead of him, the path split into two, one leading to a hazardous cliffside and the other to Mini-Game Stadium.  Apprentice fucking hated mini games.

The young Koopa chef ran to the edge of the cliff and stopped to take a breather.  He watched as the entire real army took the other path to Mini-Game Stadium because they wanted to win the star.  Relieved that that little inconsequential plot thread was over, Apprentice sat down to rest.

WHAM!  Apprentice was tackled over the side by Klepto, the thieving vulture character from Super Mario 64 for the Nintendo 64 Entertainment System, or the Nintendo Dual-Screen Entertainment System if you purchased the remake Super Mario 64 DS. 

“WHAT THE, WHO ARE YOU, A DAMN GHOST?!”  Apprentice screamed as his face was slammed against the cliff-side, shredding off his nose.  Klepto cackled as he soared faster into a death-dive, still clutching Apprentice in his grasp.

Not willing to give up that easily, Apprentice took out his frying pan and began bashing Klepto in the face, crushing his beak into pieces and gouging out an eyeball.  But the vulture’s determination didn’t subside as he went even faster than a car. 

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, KLEPTO?!”  Apprentice screamed as his legs were torn off by a nearby cliff-rock and blood sprayed on the cliff walls.  “DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT WE’LL BOTH DIE?!”

There was an awkward pause as Klepto pondered these words. 

“We die together?”



“I’m not joking.”‘

In a cave in the middle of the cliff, Tayce T. and Anti Guy were having a nice little tea party. 

“This tea party is so nice, isn’t it, Tayce?”

“You won’t live for much longer.”

“Wait, what?’

Before Tayce T. could elaborate, Apprentice and Klepto flew past the cave screaming wildly. 

“A man is falling down,” Anti Guy remarked.

“A young man, isn’t he?”


Anti Guy hadn’t intended to end his sentence so strangely, but Tayce T. had taken out her demonic sword and chopped his head into forty-six pieces. 


“FOR THE GLORY OF ORGANIZATION SEVENTEEN!”  Tayce T. shrieked as she placed the pieces into a sack.  “THE BRONZE HAND OF DESTINY IS NOW WITHIN OUR GRASP!  THE PROPHECY SHALL BE FULFILLED!”  But that’s not important right now.

“How are we going to get out of this situation?!”  Klepto panicked.

“I must somehow make sense of our convoluted situation,” Apprentice said calmly.  “I must do chi, spiritual unification.”

Suddenly, both slammed through a bunch of Yellow Blocks that were floating there for no reason.

“OW, SHIT!”  Apprentice screamed as chunks of yellow smiling block lodged into his chest.  There was so much blood.

“You know, the only reason I signed up to kill you was because of that failed heist at Crystal Palace!”  Klepto explained.

“Crystal Palace?”  Apprentice repeated.  “You mean that failed heist where everyone died because there was a mole in the group?  The heist where Bowser Jr. died?!”

The two wept for hours as they remembered their good friend Bowser Jr. and how awesome he was.  Then they went back to panicking.

“Klepto!”  Apprentice shouted as his arm exploded into a mess of gore.  “I know who the mole was!” 






“I know who the mole was.”

“Really, who?”

“It was…”

Just as Apprentice was about to speak, his torso was cut in half by a nearby sharp rock and his organs flew out all gross-like.


“Quickly, Apprentice!”  Klepto shouted as his left wing dissolved into a blood mist.  “I need to know who the mole was!”

Apprentice paused and then made a 270 degree turn.  Then he made another 270 degree turn to face Klepto.

“It was me.”


Apprentice then took out the Jade Dagger of Fate and slammed it into Klepto’s neck.  The power of the Dagger tore out Klepto’s entire skeletal structure and that killed him.  Apprentice then closed his eyes as the ground came closer and closer.

It came eventually.  WHAM.

When Apprentice came to, he didn’t know where he was.

“Oh my god, I felt like I was having a dream!”

Then he realized the remainder of Klepto’s body was draped on top of him.  “Oh, ew.”

He started to get up.  Apprentice grinned.  Organization Enigma would be pleased with the results of his mission.  The War of the Two Kingdoms would surely turn to their favor now.

Then he felt the Jade Dagger of Fate stab into his arm.  Apprentice turned and found himself face to face with…

“Red Ninjakoopa!”

“I’m sorry about this, Apprentice,” Red Ninjakoopa whispered.  “But I’m going to have to rip out your skeletal structure now.”

“Joke’s on you!”  Apprentice scoffed.  “I don’t have a skeletal structure!”

“…Yes, you do.”

“Oh, crap.”

As Apprentice’s bones began to fly out of his body, Red Ninjakoopa revealed his secret.

“You were the mole?  Well, I was the double-mole.”

Apprentice would’ve had time to gasp, but his skeletal structure was gone by that point and it was physically impossible.

Red Ninjakoopa smirked as he pocketed the Jade Dagger of Fate.  He began to walk away from the gruesome scene until he was shot in the knee.


Red Ninjakoopa fell on the ground and looked up to see Tap-Tap the Red Nose holding an assault rifle.

“Sorry, Red,” Tap-Tap said coolly as he pocketed his assault rifle.  “But I was the triple-mole.”




Young Cricket threw up four quarts of blood and fell over.  He landed on the arrow sticking out of his arm, pushing it further into his bone and forcing more blood to spill out onto the floor of the fireproof lava-boat.

“Ouch!” he said, very annoyed.

“Be careful, you fool!” Valentina scolded, punching Young Cricket in the face and knocking out two of his teeth.  “We need you in one piece for this!”

The young Tae Kwon Doe student nodded, rubbing the swollen red bump he’d received as a result of the punch.

The two sworn rivals floated silently through the river of lava.  Normally a boat would melt or catch on fire on top of lava, but their boat was fire-proof, and on top of that, it was also a lava boat. It was okay in the lava.

Eventually they pulled up to a patch of land, where they disembarked.  Young Cricket forgot that his leg was broken and his femur snapped in half because he jumped on it.  A loud crack echoed through the caverns as a result.

“HUSH!” Valentina bellowed.

“My bad,” Young Cricket chuckled, laying helplessly on the ground in excruciating pain.

Valentina stepped pass the body of a decapitated Duplighost, which was still squirting out blood.  She got some on her dress and was quite annoyed because her dress is white and stains show up very easily on it.  She looked up and saw a figure who she recognized instantly.

“Belome!” she yelled furiously.

The figure did not respond.

“Hey! Belome!”

Still no response.


“Who’s Belome?” the figure said, turning around. It was Hooktail the dragon.

“Oh, my bad,” Valentina said, blushing.  “I thought that you were Belome.”

“What do you want?” the dragon growled.

“The Chains of Remorse, naturally,” she said.  “You know as well as I do that they are the ultimate power in this world.”

“This is true,” the dragon nodded, walking down towards them.  As she came closer, the two noticed that her eye had been gouged out and was oozing some yellow liquid. It was pretty gross. “As the prophecy states, one who possesses the chains will hold the ultimate power and will be unstoppable.”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Young Cricket inquired.

“Yes, of course!” Hooktail said, breathing fire at them.  Valentina’s hair caught on fire and her scalp began to peel off.  She bellowed in pain, dousing the fire with her hands, which suffered from third degree burns.

“Can we please have them?” Valentina whimpered.

“No way!” Hooktail shouted.  “They’re mine! And only I can control this universe! Only I can unlock the Chaos Door!”

“You can’t unlock it!” Young Cricket corrected.  “Nobody knows how to!”

“I do,” Hooktail said.

“Oh, you do?” Young Cricket asked.



“You two know far too much,” Hooktail told them.  “I think it’s time you were disposed of.”

Young Cricket and Valentina instantly grabbed their longswords and faced Hooktail in an attack pose.  Young Cricket threw some ninja stars which stabbed deep into Hooktail’s throat and exploded with blood.

Suddenly, the young boy felt a sharp pain ring throughout his body as his right kidney was pierced fifty three times.  He turned around quickly and found Marilyn engulfed in flames, holding a bloody auger.  “You!” Young Cricket said, blood rushing down his chin. His vision blurred and his legs gave out.  He tumbled backwards and hit his head on a sharp rock, where it exploded in a mess of blood and brains.

“NO!” Valentina cried, running to her childhood friend.  “You can’t be gone!”

Hooktail took this opportunity to stomp on her.  Before she could react, Valentina felt a massive paw crush her ribcage into her lungs.  She wasn’t even able to scream before death took her.  Her dress was completely stained with blood.

“Pitiful, fools,” Hooktail scoffed.  “The door has to be opened.  We don’t have any other choice.”

“Guh,” Marilyn nodded, sheathing her auger.

Hooktail stepped forward, stepping on Young Cricket’s body, which exploded into a puddle of blood.  “Marilyn, they know about the chains. We must leave this place.”

“Guh,” Marilyn said.

“There is only one place I know where we will be safe,” the dragon said, looking tearfully into the stars.  “We have no other options.”

Marilyn frowned, but knew there was no choice.  She climbed onto her godmother’s back and the two flew off towards Western Land.


“No!” shouted Peasley. “NO!”

The prince’s shouting was a futile effort.  Peasley grasped desperately as the last bit of Luigi’s Engine Room sank into the Sea of Abysses.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” he shouted angrily, falling to his knees. All hope was lost.  Peasley had one last chance to protect the Sacred Land, and he screwed it up big time.  There was no way to win now.

He gazed into the deep darkness of the sea.  He could see no remains of his precious kingdom.  Within a few minutes, seven of Peasley’s tears joined the massive body of water.

“What’s the matter there, son?” said a voice from behind. Peasley turned around and saw Guppy.

“Hey Guppy,” Peasley said, rubbing his nose.  “It’s over… It’s all over…”

“What are you talking about Peasley?” Guppy asked.

Peasley looked at the sunset.  It was causing the dark waters to glow a magnificent amber color.  “I thought I could help someone… I thought I could better the world…” He looked down at his peg leg.  “But I guess I was too ambitious…”

“Don’t say that, Peasley” Guppy said.  “You did your best!”

“No, I didn’t!” the Beanbean shouted, slamming his fist onto the painting of Melody he was floating on.  “If I did, none of this would have happened!”

“What about the Twelve Brown Coins?” Guppy reminded him.  “We never would’ve collected them without your help.”

“We only found ten, remember?”  Peasley mumbled.

“What?” Guppy asked.

“We only found ten, remember?” Peasley said louder.

“Oh yeah,” said the fish.

Suddenly, Peasley’s walkie talkie started crackling.  He picked it up.  “What?”

“Peasley, the Vanilla Dome is under attack! Even dinosaurs are here!” shouted a voice from the other end.

“Sorry, Bowyer,” Peasley replied.  “I’m through.”

“NO!” Bowyer yelled. “NO! PEASLEY, NO!”

“Yeah,” Peasley said.

“SERIOUSLY, DON’T!” Bowyer yelled.

“I’m really through,” Peasley said.



“WOW, THAT SUCKS!” Bowyer shouted.

“Is that Bowyer?” Guppy interrupted.

“Oh, yeah, it is,” Peasley replied.

“Hey Bowyer, it’s Guppy!” he said.

“HI GUPPY!” Bowyer replied.  “OH NO! AAAAAAAHHH!” There was an explosion from the other end of the walkie talkie followed by static.

“Bowyer, no!” Peasley cried, trying desperately to get a signal.  “This can’t be happening!”

“Peasley! Snap out of it!” Guppy said.  “Don’t you see that you’re needed now more than ever!? There’s someone down there who NEEDS you right now! Only you can save the day this time!”

“…you’re right,” Peasley said.  “What am I thinking? I’m being DUMB!”

He dove dramatically into the sea, knowing there was still one chance.  He swam through the exploding gears and various pieces of machinery floating around.  It was hard to see in the infinite darkness, but Peasley knew what he was looking for.

Then he saw it.  A small silhouette of a girl, floating in front of a sunken ship, with Toadsworth’s lifeless body floating nearby.  Peasley cringed at the sight, but continued towards the girl.

“BBBLMBLAO!” shouted Peasley. He was underwater and his words didn’t come out clearly at all.

He violently swam towards the girl, dodging all sorts of explosions and robot sharks, eventually coming close enough to touch her.


Suddenly, a huge explosion rang out and Kooper flew towards them firing eighty seven darkness harpoons at the same time.  He was wearing the Scuba Suit of Nightmares.

Peasley didn’t have any time to waste.  He grabbed the unconscious girl and swam towards a nearby cave.  Six harpoons impaled his left leg, but he quickly ripped them out and continued swimming.

“I NEED YOUR BLOOD, PRINCE!” Kooper roared, unsheathing his katana and charging it up.

“BLLRMFRMAO!” Peasley shouted back.

“You knew this would happen! The prophecy predicted it from the very beginning.”

Peasley stopped. Kooper was right.  He looked into the unconscious eyes of Goombella, knowing he’d never see his step-child again.  “Fllrgmphlfp…” he told her, knowing she’d be safe.  He turned towards Kooper and raised his arms in surrender.

“Oh, good,” said Kooper, throwing eight shurikens, fourteen harpoons, and three scimitars at Peasley.  The prince let out a muffled scream and his flesh was pierced by all of those things at once.

“At last!” grinned Kooper, an evil flare in his eyes.  “It is time for the summoning to begin!”