The hospital ward was deafly silent, beside the haunting hollow pumping of Tatanga’s iron lung. IVs fed life giving oxygen into his space suit, as he laid tucked in beneath the hospital covers. The star man scowled because he was unhappy about being in a coma. He was surrounded by family and friends from all blocks of life who looked on in concern.

Doctor the Angry Sun came forward solemnly, “Three months ago, our beloved Tatanga fell into a deep comatose state from which we did not know that he would recover. Today,” Doctor paused and slowly took off his stethoscope, “He is still in a coma.”

“No!” MisStar wailed in despair and exploded into tears, “Tatanga! Honey! Please, please come back to us!”

Tenderly, she held his exhaust port and pleaded ever more desperately for him to wake up. But Tatanga just wouldn’t wake up.

Croco looked away bitterly, “That fool. He doesn’t know how badly we need him. He should be awake and not in a coma. That’s pretty dumb.”

MisStar glared angrily at Croco, “Don’t talk about my fiance that way!” She shoved Croco violently and knocked off his Top Hat.

“OW!” Croco Snarled and jumped, “Don’t mess with me! It’ll make me REALLY angry!”

MisStar threw a chair at Croco and kicked him in the face. Doctor the angry sun was upset at the fighting.

“CALM DOWN CROCO!” Doctor the Angry Sun shouted furiously, “Our situation is much too desperate, we can’t afford to fight each other. The Prophecy is already at work and we are running short on time.”

“I’m sorry,” said Croco, ashamed. He looked out the window. “I’m just upset. I really miss my best friend. Tatanga, who is in a coma.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“What are we going to do?!” Croco cried, “Without Tatanga, how are we going to stop the Nightmare Fortress from advancing? Some chosen one, if he can’t keep the machines from breaching the city walls!”

“…There may be one way we can revive him,” Doctor the Angry Sun said thoughtfully, and dramatically took off his stethoscope.

“What?” MisStar asked.

“I said ‘There may be a way we can revive him’,”

“No, I mean, what can we do?”

“What?”

“I said ‘What can we do?'”

“Oh.”

Doctor the Angry Sun considered this thoughtfully.

“Legend says that there is a magic herb that grows in The Special Zone that can cure any illness. If we could get that herb, it might just wake up Tatanga, since being in a coma is a kind of illness.”

Croco’s eyes lit up, “Then I’ll go and get it! I will do anything to save my best friend, and he will save us all!”

“But I must warn you! It is dangerous. No one who has gone looking for the herb has ever returned. That is pretty dangerous”

“Whoa!” Croco said, “I better not go then.”

Doctor the angry sun looked sad, “Then all is lost.”

“Okay.”

Silently, they looked on at their dear friend Tatanga. All of their hopes and dreams rided on him. They hoped he would wake up some time. They waited for like a half an hour, and he didn’t wake up. It was REALLY boring and MisStar cried a lot.

“Come on,” said Doctor the Angry Sun said as he comforted MisStar, “There is cake in the lobby.”

Solemnly, everyone proceeded out of the room to go get some cake. It was chocolate flavored. Dark chocolate. Dark as their lives without Tatanga.

As soon as everyone had cleared out, a figure stepped out from behind the curtains. Tolstar grinned wickedly as he crept closer and closer and EVEN CLOSER towards the helpless and vulnerable and in a coma Tatanga.

Delicately, Tolstar reached inside of his shell and pulled out a syringe that was filled with inky black DARKNESS. Licking his lips evily, he went to puncture Tatanga’s IV with the needle, but before he could inject the contents, the syringe was knocked out his hands by a chi blast from Croco!

“You!” Gasped Tolstar, “But you went to go get cake!”

“I always like to eat cake,” Croco gritted his teeth, “But not when there is EVIL hiding behind the curtians.”

Tolstar’s eyes widened. “How did you know I was hiding behind the curtains?”

“You are very bad at hiding behind curtians because you are fat,” Croco explianed.

“Well, I may be fat, but at least I am not,” Tolstar suddenly revealed his dual shotguns, “DEAD.”

Tolstar shot his shotguns eighteen times at Croco, but he ducked and was not hit. He countered with his karate and all of Tolstar’s ribs and also his guns and a leg.

“Very impressive. The Master taught you well. It is a good thing that he is now… one of us.”

“SHUT UP AND STOP TALKING!” Croco shouted angrily, “If you lay a hand on Tatanga, I will get really angry!”

“Croco,” Tolstar wheezed in pain, “I know your secret. The Darkness told me.”

“What?!”

“I know you are in love with MisStar. But she will never marry you because you are not Tatanga and she loves Tatanga who she is going to marry.”

“Tantanga is my best friend!”

“Then he should want you to be happy and marry MisStar!”

Croco hesitated, he knew he should not listen to Tolstar because he was a bad guy, but he wanted to.

“Let me destroy Tantanga, and the Prophecy can take its true form once and for all. You can be with MisStar, and everyone will be happy in The Darkness.”

Croco could feel the darkness. But he looked at tantanga, his best friend. He fought with himself, and wondered what to do.

At last he made his decision. He pulled out twenty grenades and threw them all at Tolstar!

“No!” Tolstar screamed and exploded in a big way.

The door slammed open, and in rushed Doctor the Angry Sun, “What just happened?!”

“Never mind,” Croco said urgently, “We have to get to the Infernal Tower!”

*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*

“Man, today hasn’t been very eventful, has it?”  Koops said.

Then a space train burst through the window of his bounty hunter office, sending him into one of the cabins.  Koops grabbed out his Japanese katana sword.

“Who dares challenge Koops the Bounty Hunter?!”  Koops roared as he tore out Bonetail’s eyes.  He then electro-shocked Bonetail’s dead body, and fired three laser harpoons into the floor. 

“HEEHEEHEE!!!”

Popping out from the engine room stormed a familiar face.  Koops’ eyes narrowed recklessly.  He hadn’t seen such an unwelcome face since Sluggy the Unshaven had eloped with Toadette.  He spit out his golden cigarette and lit another one.

“Stanley the Bugman,” Koops spat.

“That would BEE me!  HEEHEEHEE!” 

“Yes, yes, I know that.”

“You’d better PRAY like a MANTIS!”  Stanley shrieked as he pulled out six cutlasses.  “Because you ANT escapin’ me!”

Koops felt his heart beat frantically.  Stanley was a ruthless killer, and there was no way he could win or WAS THERE?

Stanley threw the cutlasses at Koops, but they didn’t go very far because they were very heavy.  Koops tripped and fell on eight of them.

“AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!” 

“There ain’t no gettin’ off this space train we’re on,” Another voice said.  Koops looked up to see Oaklie.  Oaklie was holding his scythe gun that could shoot fire.  He lowered his face so Koops could hear.  “Wanna hear something cooool?”

“If it’s about the Prophecy,” Koops growled.  “I don’t wanna hear nothing.”

“That was a double negative.”

“Damn!”

“Turns out,” Oaklie whispered, because he didn’t want to disturb Skolar’s nap in the next cabin.  “Organization Enigma discovered that the Elemental Whip of Time isn’t part of the Prophecy at all.”

“NO!”

“But Organization Seventeen still doesn’t know the Dark Sonata, so there’s no way for them to activate Dark Chaos Space.”

“NOOO!!   NO!  NO!  NO!!!”

“And the Order of the Crying Fire Flower?  They have eighty-nine of the Dark Artifacts,” said Oaklie.

“NOO-oh, really?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“ENOUGH TALK!”  Stanley howled as he pulled out his quadruple-barrel pump shotgun with needles taped to the side.  “It’s time to kick your GRASS…HOPPER?”

“Wait, Stanley!”  Oaklie warned.  “We still haven’t told him about Lady Lima-“

Stanley shot Oaklie in the face and poked him a few times with a needle.  He then threw him out the window of the space train into space.  As Belome had predicted.

“Why did this have to happen?”  Koops sobbed because Oaklie was his father.  “Where did you go wrong, Stanley?”

“YOU’RE GO WRONG!”

Stanley backhanded Koops and sent him flying back through sixteen cabins.  He then had to jog for a bit over there because sixteen cabins is a really long ways away from the front of the space train.

“It’s time to die,” Stanley gasped.  He had run seriously like a mile.

“Would you really kill me?”  Koops whimpered.  “After what we went through in Sarasaland?”

“YOU”D BEETLE BELIEVE IT!”

“Wait…what?  That didn’t make any sense.”

Stanley paused.  “Well, I thought beetle and better sounded similar enough, but that didn’t turn out so good.  I did like my ‘pray like a mantis’ line earlier.”

“Yeah, I chuckled a little at that one.”

Both Koops and Stanley chuckled for a few seconds until Stanley viciously kicked Koops in the eye. 

“ENOUGH MIRTH!  TIME TO DIE LIKE A FIREFLY!”

Stanley grabbed his beam sword tightly and was about to perform the finishing blow when he was stopped by the sight of something so powerful that it stopped him right in his tracks.  In Koops’ eyes, he could see the spirit of Oaklie, telling him to stop fighting.  Slowly, he remembered the precious moments that he and Oaklie had shared together…

Oaklie was holding his scythe gun that could shoot fire. 

“And the Order of the Crying Fire Flower?  They have eighty-nine of the Dark Artifacts,” said Oaklie.

“Wait, Stanley!”  Oaklie warned.  “We still haven’t told him about Lady Lima-”

How could he have forgotten?  Oaklie had been such a good friend.  With tears gushing from his eyes, Stanley put down his nunchaku and

“SUCKER PUNCH!”

Koops socked Stanley in the teeth with silver knuckles and blew up the space train.  The force of the explosion was so powerful it could not be measured on the power scales.

This woke up Skolar, and he was really pissed. 

*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*

“GET OFF OF THE TRAIN!” shouted Blue Goomba.

“…no,” said Bow because she didn’t think leaving the train was something she should do.

“Seriously?” asked Blue Goomba.

“Yeah,” Bow replied.

Blue Goomba turned red with embarrassment. He didn’t realize that Bow didn’t want to leave the train, and this fact alone was a huge damper in Organization Enigma’s plans. He knew he had to find another way.

“What are you DOING?” he asked.

“I’m going to College!” Bow replied proudly, showing off her impressive transcript.

Blue Goomba thought this over for a moment, and tried to think of a witty response to this.  “You’re not going to College!”

“Please get out of my cabin,” she said.

Blue Goomba left, quite frustrated that he’d failed like this for like the fourth time in a row.  He wasn’t very good at this at all!

“AZUL WEASEL!” roared a voice from the other end of the hall.

Blue Goomba looked over and saw Goombaria.  She looked really upset with him.

“I’ve gotten half of the passengers to leave the train!” she said.  “Have you also gotten half of the passengers off the train!?”

Blue Goomba bit his lip and looked aside.  “I… I’ve been doing pretty good…” He was lying because he actually did really bad. He didn’t mention that though.

“I hope you haven’t failed us again, Azul Weasel,” Goombaria said, stepping forward.  “I hope you haven’t forgotten what happened last time you failed us…”

How could he forget?  The last time he failed Organization Enigma, he caused the horrible accident at Tubular.  The one that took Cloud N. Candy’s life… “That was different!” he said, fighting back tears.  “That wasn’t my fault!”

“YOU thought you could control the Echo Sphere!” Goombaria said, coming uncomfortably close to the goomba.  “You didn’t listen to us! You tried to go against the prophecy!”

“SHUT UP! STOP!” he yelled, fighting back all the horrible memories.  “IT… IT WASN’T ME! I’M INNOCENT!”

The train then went through a tunnel and it was dark and they couldn’t see because it was dark.  The goombas held their breath and made wishes, but Goombaria ran out of breath so her wish didn’t come true.  When they reached the end of the tunnel, Blue Goomba resumed his madness.

“NO!”

“YES!”

“NOOOOOO!”

“YEP!”

“AAAARGH!! Youch!” Blue Goomba’s stare went blank and he fell to the ground, knocking over a service table in the process. It was a huge mess that Goombaria wasn’t looking forward to cleaning up.

“Did Blue Goomba just die of a heart attack?” General Guy asked, entering the hallway and clutching the Danger Trident in his hands.

“Yeah.”

“Oh wow, that kind of sucks,” he said, kicking Blue’s lifeless body.  “Anyway, I think we’re ready to carry out this plan. Is everyone in place?”

“Yes…” Goombaria said, grinning a sinister grin.  “This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for… This is going to change everything!”

There was a slight bump as the train hit Chef Torte and killed him upon impact.

“Let’s do this then!” General Guy shouted as he was running towards the engine room. “There’s no getting off this train we’re on!”

On top of the train, Mouser stood in front of Morton Koopa Jr. and was patiently waiting for the signal from his fellow squad members.

“I will stop you right now!” Morton yelled.

“You probably won’t,” said Mouser, “because you’re tied up and I shot you in the leg earlier and also you’re blindfolded!”

“Ouch!” Morton yelled because his leg hurt.  “You’ll never get away with this! Yakkey will never allow this!”

“On the contrary, my dear friend,” Mouser chuckled, waving his golden hook in Morton’s face, even though Morton didn’t notice because he was blindfolded.  “Yakkey will always allow this!” Morton gasped at the realization.

“Hey, Mouser!” yelled Goombaria from below.

          “Yeah?” Mouser replied.

“It’s time to commence Project G.E.N. Esis!” Goombaria shouted.

“What? Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“It’s time to commence Project G.E.N. Esis!” she repeated.

“Okay,” Mouser said.  “Well then, Mr. Morton, this is where you get off.”  With that said, Mouser leapt into the air and roundhouse-kicked Morton in the face seventeen times. This caused him to fall off of the train.  His scream filled the air and a fiery explosion followed shortly after.  Mouser didn’t have to cover his eyes because he wears sunglasses even when it’s night time.

General Guy looked back at the brightness of the explosion, grinning madly.  What the rest of Organization Enigma didn’t realize was that he was actually part of Organization Seventeen and was also going to betray them because they are fierce enemies.  Wickedly, he pushed four buttons and pulled nineteen levers… They were now on a one way ticket to Waluigi Pinball.

*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*

Baby Luigi shoved the barrel of his uzi roughly under the chin of the bank teller and back handed him across the face. He gestured angrily toward the bank vault.

“Do what he says,” Major Burrows snarled, waving his flame thrower, “He’s CRAZY,”

“I…” The bankteller was sweating bullets as Baby Luigi glared murderously, “No! We mustn’t! The vault must only be opened once every thousand years! The Prophecy MUST BE FULFILLED!”

“OPEN THE VAULT!” Francis demanded.

“Okay.”

The bank vault groaned open on its hinges, and a million killer bees shot out.

“NO!” Major Burrows screamed, “KILLER BEES!”

“HURRY! STOP THEM BEFORE THEY STING US!!”

“I, can’t!” Major Burrows panted, “I’m too scared!”

Francis put his hand on Major Burrows shoulder, “You can do it, because I believe in you, and that’s what believing in you is really all about.”

Major Burrows sniffled, and saw Baby Luigi giving a thumbs up. He found the courage deep within himself to fight the killer bees.

“ARAHHGAGAHAGH!!!” he bellowed, and threw a chair at the bees and then they went away.

GOOD JOB MAJOR BURROWS.

“We did it! We broke into the vault! That is TOTALLY hiiiiiiiiiii-technical!!”

“You mustn’t take the Adam Encryption!!” The Bank Teller said.

“We must! Or the Order of the Crying Fire Flower will find it, and then ALL WILL BE LOST.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Suddenly, all of the police showed up with guns. So Francis, Baby Luigi and Major Burrows got on their get-away train and sped out of the bank.

The Excess Express was barreling down the tracks at a hundred and eighty seven thousand miles an hour. Francis knew this was pretty fast, almost too fast.

“IT’S A TRAP!” he screamed in time for the others to take cover.  Machineguns fired from the shadows and shot three hundred and eight bullets into Major Burrow before he managed to duck behind a box.

“NO! MAJOR BURROWS!” Shrieked everybody, but it was too late. Major Burrows fell down and died a whole lot. Baby Luigi out from behind the cover, sobbing uncontrollably he cradled the gentle giant in his arms.

“No!” The train engineer gasped, “You… You can’t die here! YOU CAN’T DIE NOW!! We were so close to decrypting the Chaos Mainframe!”

Francis looked on gravely, “This is totally not HIIIIII-TECHNICAL at ALL. Who could’ve done this?”

Agent Smithoshi stepped out of the darkness. Everyone was really scared because he had a gun.

“I’ve come for the Adam Encryption.”

“NO! YOU CAN’T TAKE IT! WE WON’T LET YOU!”

Baby Luigi and Francis snapped into action, after years of training together they had perfected their cooperation was at its zenith. Using his Ninjitsu, Francis made copies of himself just like Naruto and then punched Agent Smithoshi eight times, and Baby Luigi fired all of his bullets all at once.

They tumbled behind a crate together, Baby Luigi reloaded his gun really fast.

“If we die, I just want you to know that you are my best friend forever.”

They clasped hands, and did their secret handshake, and then leapt out over the crate. Baby Luigi let loose with his twin uzis while Francis gathered his Chi energy and fired it in a laser beam. The bullets and chi bounced off of Smithoshi’s personal forcefield.

Slowly, Agent Smithoshi pulled out a remote control with a big red button, “Game over,” he pushed it.

The train exploded and killed everyone. Agent Smithoshi stood amongst the rubble and slowly picked up the Adam Encryption.

It was not too late for The Prophecy to be stopped. 

“Ha ha!” Mail Toad laughed as he threw the frisbie to O’Chunks.

“Ha ha!!” O’chunks bellowed, and threw the frisbie back. Craw-Daddy looked on with contentment. They were having so much fun. It was another beautiful, wonderful day in Gritzy desert until Kooper showed up and skewered Mail Toad through the face with his Vortex Scythe.

“AHHHHH!” said Mail Toad as he died, “AHHHH!!!”

“LEAPIN’ LINGUINI!” Bellowed Craw-Daddy in surprise.

“MAIL-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAADD!” O’chunks was sobbed, because Mail Toad was his best friend and he was really sad about that.

Craw-Daddy gritted his teeth angrily, and pulled out his gundamium tomahawk, “Kooper! This is the last straw! What the crap is your problem you fat dumb punk?!”

We watch a FMV of Kooper sneering, and bending down to pick the frisbie out of Mail Toad’s kidney.

“Just as The Prophecy foretells the opening of the chaos door, you must confront the destiny that is in front fo you so that you can find your fate.”

“Yeah I KNOW!” Craw-Daddy said irritably.

Kooper’s Nightmare colored eyes glinted, and he cut the ignition of his Chaos Scythe. The music got really intense as he stood there glaring silently.

“PLAY BALL!” reeling back his arm he flung the frisbie so hard it spun at mach 7 speed and sliced O’Chunks in half in slow motion really fast.

“Grahhh!” O’Chunks protested, “GRAAAAAAHHH!” and exploded into blood and evil lightning. The frisbie continued to spin forward and destroyed a mountain 90000 miles away.

Kooper caught the frisbie again and held it to O’Chunks neck.

“If you want your friend to live, you will go to the Flopside pit of 1,000 trials, and there you will kill The Chosen One in accordance with The Prophecy.”

“GRUH! DON’T DO IT CRAW-DADDY! I DON’T MATTER! DON’T LISTEN TO HIM! LISTEN TO ME INSTEAD!!!”

Craw-Daddy looked really sad at O’Chunks, and shed two single tears for him because he knew what he had to do.

“Okay.”

Kooper frowned, “Okay what?”

“I said okay.”

“What does that mean?”

The FMV ends here.

“What?”

“Are you going to go do it?”

“No! He just told me not to, are you dumb! He said don’t!”

“Oh,” Kooper killed O’Chunks in an extremely violent manner.

“O’CHUNKS!” cried Craw-daddy really loudly as he cried. It was really, really sad because they were best friends.

Kooper punched Craw-daddy in the face and broke his eye, “JUST GO TO FLOPSIDE!!”

Craw-daddy rubbed his eye in pain, starting to get scared.

“I SAID DO IT!”

“Okay! Fine! Whatever! Geez!”

Kooper followed Craw-Daddy to the car to make sure he would go to the tournament, and got into the passenger seat and they both buckled up. Kooper glared at him and made sure he was driving to Flopside the whole way and not to Bean Bean Valley.

Craw-Daddy knew he had to escape. But he couldn’t because Kooper was making it really hard. Flopside was the most dangerous place he could possibly go and Kraw-Daddy knew his power level wasn’t strong enough without the Galaxy Driver. But unless he survived, the entire Floro-Sapien race would be killed.

Once again, he was powerless without the Galaxy Driver. Somewhere, Belome was laughing.

*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*

Now Goompa and his fellows have found “the Land of the Chosen Ones” which is so beautiful.  UNTIL LAKILESTER CAME.

“AWOOOOOOGA!!!  LAKILESTER UNLEASHED!!!”

Lakilester was a werewolf.  He howled and ran down the hill at super speed, and then ran back up because Goompa and his fellows were on top of the hill.  He showed his fangs because he was a werewolf and howled again.

“HAND OVER THE ETERNITY SCALES, GOOMPA!”  Lakilester shrieked, spit dripping from his mouth onto his really nice shirt.  Goompa sneered and pulled out his grenade-sword.

“Do you really want to do this?”  Goompa asked as he took the grenade off the sword and tossed it to the side.  “I have a grenade-sword, you know.”

Lakilester knew the fearsome power behind the grenade-sword.  After all, Chanterelle had taught him all about its power.  But Chanterelle was dead.  There was no bringing her back from being dead.  For real, this time.

“This is for Chanterelle,” Lakilester growled, fighting back tears.  “She was so hot.  AND YOU KILLED HER!  SHE HAD MAGNIFICENT BREASTS AND EYES LIKE ICE CREAM!  HOW COULD YOU KILL HER?!”

“I…I didn’t.”

“AND GOOMBA KING!”  Lakilester screamed.  “YOU KILLED HIM TOO!”

“Actually, I’m, uh, I’m still alive!”  Goomba King piped up from behind Goompa.

“HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND I LOVED HIM SO MUCH!”  Lakilester sobbed.  “AND HE HAD REALLY NICE-SMELLING HAIR!”

“Awkward!”

“But now I’m back, Goompa,” Lakilester snarled.  The werewolf rage was inside him and it cut into his heart like the pain of eternal sorrow.  “And this time, I’m unleashed.  Lakilester unleashed.”

“Really now?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Lakilester began to transform as he continued speaking.  “This is what I received for fulfilling the Dark Contract with the Dark Brotherhood with the Dark Fountain Pen.  Werewolf powers.  That’s what I received.”

“The Dark Fountain Pen?” Goompa gasped.  He twirled his sword around and accidentally stabbed Goomba King in both eyes, but it was okay because now he could wear two very cool eye-patches.  “I’ve only heard of it once before…in the Prophecy.”

“Don’t you DARE say Chanterelle’s name!”

“Um…wait, what?”

This was the last straw.  Lakilester breathed his werewolf laser breath and began carving up Goompa’s fellows.  Goompa groaned and punched Lakilester in the face.

“CHANTERELLE!”  Lakilester screamed as he tripped and fell on flaming lightning spikes.  “I’M SORRY I COULDN’T AVENGE YOU!!!”

“Will you SHUT UP about Chanterelle!  I don’t even know who that IS!”

Lakilester gritted his teeth really hard and accidentally bit his lip.  “OW!”  He said.  But he managed to withstand the agony and looked up with werewolf fury.  In front of him was the one who had taken his love who was Chanterelle.  This was serious business.

“LAKILESTER UNLEASHED!”  He shrieked as he got up and fell on some more spikes.  All of his body parts were stabbed by spikes.  Goompa merely rolled his eyes and began to walk away.

“Wait, WAIT!  COME BACK!”

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!”  Goompa bellowed.  “I HAVE NEVER MET YOU BEFORE IN MY LIFE!”

“LAKILESTER UNLEASHED!”

“STOP SAYING THAT!”

Lakilester gathered all of his remaining werewolf strength.  Now it was really time for Lakilester unleashed.  He had to win for Chanterelle, Goomba King, and the glory of the Chaos Door.  He prepared all of his spirit energy for the greatest werewolf laser breath attack he could manage.  THIS WOULD BE HIS FINAL ATTACK

Mouser shot Lakilester in the head and killed him.  He then turned and shot Goomba King, severely wounding him.  Then he turned to Goompa.

“Hey, Goompa!”          

“Hello, Mouser!”

Mouser gave Goompa a hearty one-handed pistol wink and walked down the road.  Goompa waved heartily while Goomba King writhed blindly in a pool of his own blood.

But where was Jimmy T?     

*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*

“ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT!” shouted Dr. Crygor, banging his gavel to silence the noisy courtroom.  Naval Piranha wouldn’t shut up even though he did that, but he continued anyway. “The man before us stands accused of murder in the first degree of Smithy.  Defense, how do you plead?”   

18-Volt looked dead into the cryptic face of the twisted judge.  He knew Crygor would do everything in his power to get him imprisoned, but he didn’t want that to happen because prison is not a cool place to be.  “Not guilty, your honor.”

“What?” said Crygor.

“Not guilty,” said 18-Volt.

“Oh, whatever,” Crygor said.  “Prosecution, your opening statement?”

Hermie III rose from his bench and stood before the jury.  “Ladies and gentlemen, before you stands a guilty man.  We have so much proof against him, it’s not even funny.  In his anger and confusion, he murdered a poor and innocent bad guy, and it’s up to you to make sure he pays the full price for it.  Thank you,” he shuffled over to his bench. He’s a hermit crab.

“This isn’t looking good!” 18-Volt said nervously.

“Don’t worry,” Hoot the Owl said reassuringly.  “I believe in you, and you should believe in yourself.  Unless you did it, which you probably did because they have a bunch of evidence.  But I believe in you anyway,”

“Defense, your opening statement?” Crygor demanded.

“Of course, your honor,” Hoot snickered, standing up.  “Ladies and gentlemen, 18-Volt didn’t kill anyone.  Why would he do that? That’s stupid.”

Chatter erupted from the jury.  They seemed to agree with him.

“Order! Order!” Crygor said.  He fired a laser at Donkey Kong, which killed him instantly.  The court fell silent once again.  “I’ve gone over this case thoroughly, and I think I’m ready to make my verdict already… unless the defense feels they have a solid case.”

“Oh… er…” Hoot muttered nervously.  He turned to 18-Volt for an answer.

“Yes!” he said, angrily.

“Your honor,” Hoot began.  “This is impossible!  I… I’m not ready! I was never ready for this!” He began crying.

“Defense, compose yourself!” Crygor shouted at 18-Volt.

“I have to confess… The Seventeen Trials of Delfino… I cheated on every one of them! I’m not ready to be a lawyer!” Hoot flew hastily into a glass pane window and smashed through it, flying to freedom.

“…” said 18-Volt.

“Well, I guess that settles it,” chuckled Crygor, looking up at the window.  “The defense has failed to present a proper argument, so I’ll have to declare the verdict…”

…

“OBJECTION!!”

Everyone in the audience gasped and looked towards the source of the outcry.  It was 18-Volt, pointing at Crygor, his face radiating with rage and anger.

“What the hell?” Crygor said.  “You’re not a lawyer, you can’t object.”

Everyone laughed at 18-Volt because he wasn’t a lawyer and couldn’t object.  He was so embarrassed that he turned red.

“Then I declare the defense… GUILTY!” shouted Crygor.

“STOP THE TRIAL!” Frogfucious roared, plowing through the wall on a motorcycle and wielding the Burning Crossbow.  “TAKE THIS, YOU TRAITOR!” he shouted, firing eighty nine bolts randomly into the audience.  Eighteen people were struck by bolts and died, four people died from the flames that ensued after the shots, and seven people weren’t near any of it but died anyway.

“Argh!” said Crygor, jumping into his escape pirate ship and taking Hermie III with him.  “You won’t be so lucky next time! We have the prophecy on our side!”

“I KNOW!!!” Frogfucious said, shooting the Hammer Bros in the face and killing them execution-style.

“Here! Take this!” Crygor laughed, throwing a piece of paper at Frogfucious.  It hit him in the face and he fell down.

“What is it?” Boshi said, walking up to Frogfucious.

“It’s a piece of the map…” he growled. “Belome is watching us…”

*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*

“I’LL KILL YOU YOU FUCKING HUSSY!”

“NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST YOU SLUTTY LADY!”

Princess Peach Toadstool and Chaos Valentina sky rocketed at each other with light speed, both with their bloody broadswords drawn for battle. They collide and –

Okay. Maybe I started too soon. Allow me to explain:

You see this is a sentence. In a paragraph. In a story, categorized as a fanfiction. Fan fiction being fictional stories written by fans of a particular series. This one happens to be specializing in the fandom of a video game series, namely, Super Mario Bros.

Super Mario Bros was created in 1985 by the Nintendo corporation. Previously, Mario had starred in a video game called Donkey Kong. This was a primitive form of the popular ‘platforming’ style of video games. In this game, Mario became the star with his brother Luigi as they tried to kill turtles. That might have actually been Mario Bros. But then they went on to Super Mario Bros, where the two became super heroes fighting against the forces of evil.

The series went on to fame and fortune. It became so popular, in fact, that fans of the games made their own stories called fan fiction. And now we’ve covered that.

Back to our story, Princess Toadstool and Chaos Valentina COLLIDE in an explosive frenzy of violence! Their swords swung and slashed off important pieces of skin.

“Ugh you witch!” Toadstool screamed, her cheek bleeding.

Chaos Valentina giggled between her teeth. “Please, you should see how many knives to the face I’ve taken. It takes pain to look this so beautiful.”

Princess Toadstool through her sword at Chaos Valentina; it cut the strap of her elegant gown ever slightly to tantalize the eye but keep the censors at bay.

The THREE LITTLE PIGS watched anxiously. “WOO, cat fight!”

Chaos Valentina shoots a bolt of lightning with her magic at Princess Toadstool. Peach deflects it with her humble servant Toad. Toad absorbs the blasts and explodes into spores with the sound that a squeak toy makes.

Wooster shook his head disapprovingly, and mopped the floor amidst the battlefield. “Can’t you guys just get along?”

“No! Don’t you see? She works for the armies of chaos!” Chaos Valentina screeches.

“You liar! There is no armies of chaos!” Princess yells.

“Is that so?” Chaos Valentina eyed the Princess up and down. She floats into the air and pulls out a toy: it’s the GENO FIGURINE. “THEN WHAT IS THIS?!”

Peach swallows hard. Her eyes turn to Wooster and the three little pigs. “What, that’s just a Geno doll.”

“WRONG YOU IGNORANT SLUT!” Chaos Valentina throws the doll at Peach. “It’s a CHAOS GENO DOLL!”

The three little pigs run away. Wooster follows them trying to keep the castle clean. They are very messy pigs.

“Please, stop! What do you want from me?” Princess Toadstool cried.

“I want you to die.”

Chaos Valentina floats down and points her longest finger at Peach. A burst of air shoots out and tears off Peach’s dress and then her skin.

But Peach didn’t die… because underneath her skin and clothes we see that she was wearing a disguise because she was really—

“CHAOS PRINCESS TOADSTOOL!” Chaos Valentina proclaims.

Chaos Peach looks exactly the same as the regular Peach but wears her hair in a part to make her hair look sexy- I mean, Emo.

“So you found me out. I suppose I should commend you on your detective skills.” Chaos Peach says.

“Elementary, my dear Watson.” Chaos Valentina explains rather scholarly. “Now, where is the REAL Princess?”

Chaos Peach pulls out her Chaos whip – rainbow electricity courses through it. “Somewhere dark in a land you’ll never find her!”

“Dark Land!” Chaos Valentina exclaims.

“What? No! She’s not there, damnit!” Chaos Peach hurls the Chaos Whip and wraps it around Chaos Valentina. It starts to suck her energy away and back into Chaos Peach. “Mmm, your energy is so delicious.”

The three little pigs poke their heads through the window. “That’s pretty hot.”

Chaos Valentina falls to her knees, veins in her forehead and her skin becoming cold and clammy. “You won’t get away with this. The savior will find you.”

Chaos Peach smiles at Chaos Valentina as she spews her own insides in liquid form through her lips. “The savior is already dead. I killed him myself.”

Chaos Valentina, nearly completely hollow speaks with her final words. “No… there is another…according to the Prophecy.”

Chaos Peach sucks up the rest of Chaos Valentina and increases her energy. The Mushroom guards run into the chamber armed with spears. Chaos Peach hurls a blast to the ceiling and the sunlight pours through.

“Stop! In the name of Mushroom Law!”

“You mangy filth, you’ll never stop us. The Chaos Door is Ajar, and soon to be smashed completely open! Especially since I now have the Golden Gumdrop Key.” Chaos Peach twirls the Golden Gumdrop Key on her longest finger.

And now Chaos Peach ballroom dances out the castle ceiling’s new skylight and disappears in a lightning bolt.

Wooster enters the room with his mop and starts to clean up the mess with an angry frown. “Women!”

Fishmael stood brooding atop the crumbling battlements of his ancient castle, his vampire cape tucked tightly around him to protect against the howling wind. It was really pretty cold and he really should have brought his sweater but he didn’t because vampires don’t need sweaters or jackets or even mittens because they are really cool. They can fly sometimes and turn into bats if they want and are REALLY strong. They could even beat up my dad who is super strong but I wouldn’t let them because I’d stop them with the kicks I learned in karate class. I would kill any vampire that tried to mess with my family, unless he promised to give me twenty bucks so I could get a wii points card. I don’t have enough points to get Strong Bad’s cool game for attractive people episode 2: Strong Badia the Free. If I were a vampire, no one at school would mess with me because I would benchpress like 200 pounds.

“It’s been a long time, Moustafa,” Fishmael said as the shroaded mouse entered.

“I bring ill news, Dark One. Herbert has been killed while defending the Time Egg from Organization Seventeen.”

“Who the hell is Herbert?”

“He’s one of the Boos that Tubba Blubba ate in the first Paper Mario game,” Moustafa said, on the verge of tears.

“Oh. Okay.”

“And he’s dead!”

“NO!!” Fishmael’s eyes glew bright red because that’s what happens when vampires get really upset. He punched a wall so hard that he broke his hand.

“Those buttheads aren’t going to get away with this!” Fishmael snarled, “I will eat all their blood and then throw them off of a house!”

“Wowf, faf is ritty ardoar”

“What?”

“Sorry, I was eating an apple,” Moustafa apologized and put away his lunch. Sometimes, Moustafa gets hungry too. “I saying that’s pretty hardcore.”

“I know!”

“I will go with you and help! Moustafa said, readying his bo staff.

“Not this time, dear friend. I must go and avenge Herbert alone. It will be way more badass if I take them on all by myself, because I don’t need any help from anyone. I am pretty strong.”

“Whoa!”

“I am running out of time,” Fishmael said gazing at the moon, “The sun will rise soon.”

“The moon looks as said as your heart,” Moustafa said.

“The cursed life of a vampire is truly tragic, though immortal they may never feel the gentle love of the morning light. Damn this wreteched curse! The weight of guilt has become so strong since Rosalina was killed. If only it were not for this curse! So many years have flitted by and see how our world has plunged into the deepest darkness. The crimson tears will not stop as memories flood in again and again. What good is endless life if in it there is naught but despair? We have all played a role in this grief-riddled opera, but the cruelest twist of fate is that the sweet embrace of death may not be tasted until at last a penance has been made at long last.” Moustafa said.

“Yeah I know!” Fishmael said, “It’s a good thing you’re not a vampire like me!”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, I’m gonna go kill them now. Seeya!”

Instantly Fishmael flew away into the sky, is cloak billowing under his cape dramatically in the twilight. But little did little did Fishmael know that he was only playing into Organization Seventeen’s trap. But that’s okay because Organization seventeen had no idea that they were playing into Fishmael’s trap too. As the Prophecy foretold. 

*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*

“I must say, this Shroom Steak looks delicious,” Jr. Troopa said as the waiter placed his plate in front of him.

“I agree that this Shroom Steak is delicious,” Bombette said as she emptied her laser pistol into Whacka’s face.  “Also, I’m really Bombette for real, no doubt about that, no question at all.”

“That’s for sure,” Jr. Troopa agreed.  “…Wait.”

There was an awkward pause as the two dinner partners stared at each other, while Whacka sputtered blood over the croissants as he writhed on the table in agony. 

“Something’s been bothering me…”

“Is it the croissants?  I can ask for more.”

“No…it’s not that.  WAIT.  WAIT A MINUTE!”

Jr. Troopa leaped onto the table and stomped on Tap-Tap the Golden’s chicken pot pie five times.  Then he pointed an accusatory finger at Bombette.

“YOU’RE NOT BOMBETTE!”

“And what makes you say that?”

“YOU HAVE HANDS!”

“Oh.  Shit.”

Jr. Troopa crossed his arms, satisfied that he had seen through the cunning disguise.  He then kicked the remains of Tap-Tap the Golden’s pot pie off the table.

“Hey!”

“Sorry, I just get overly excited.”

Bombette (But she’s not actually Bombette) cackled.  “Looks the jig is up!”  She took off her fake mustache and revealed herself to be…

“KING CALAMARI!”

“What?  No, I’m Bow.”

“Oh.”

“You know why I’m here, Jr. Troopa,” Bow sneered as she spit in Tap-Tap the Golden Nose’s strawberry milkshake.  “The Prophecy states that the Parasol of Death is to be passed down from generation to generation.  And that includes the Ministers of Reckoning.” 

Jr. Troopa turned and glared viciously at Tap-Tap the Golden Nose for twenty minutes.  Then he turned back to Bow.

“Parasol of Death?  HA!”

“I DID NOT TELL A JOKE,” Bow snarled.  Whacka’s body twitched and Bow shot it eighty more times for good measure.  “We know you have the Parasol of Death, because you’re Jr. Troopa, for real!”

“Oh, is that so?”  Jr. Troopa chuckled.  “Behold, the element of SURPRISE!”  Jr. Troopa took off HIS fake mustache and revealed himself to be…

“You’re…you’re still Jr. Troopa.”

“Oh.”

There was another awkward pause as Jr. Troopa attempted to put the fake mustache back on.  After it fell off for the third time, Bow got really tired of waiting.

“Enough fooling around!” Bow yelled.  She aimed her laser pistol and turned the lever to 30 on the 1-40 scale.

“Why are you pointing it at me?!”

“Whoops.  My bad.”

Bow awkwardly moved the laser pistol 90 degrees to the left away from Tap-Tap the Golden Nose, to where Jr. Troopa was sitting. 

“You’ll never succeed,” Jr. Troopa warned.  “I have allies everywhere.  Allies in locations you would never suspect.  They have really good disguises too, so you would not even know who they are, even if you looked at them.”

“So you’re saying…you’ve got allies here?  In this Christmas-themed diner rocket ship?”

“That’s right.”

Bow’s eyes darted around the festively decorated dining room.  Other spies?  Here?  But who were they?!  Where were they?!  HUH?  BUH?  WHUH?! 

“AHA!  I KNEW you looked suspicious!”  Bow shrieked as she pointed her laser pistol at Tap-Tap the Golden Nose.  “YOU WERE THE SPY!”

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!  I’M JUST TRYING TO EAT!”

“Oh.  But.  If you’re not the spy…then…”

The kitchen doors swung open and the waiter from the first sentence entered the room dramatically.  Bow gasped as she saw who it was.

“AXEM YELLOW!”

“AHAHAHAHA!!!”

Axem Yellow ran toward the table with a murderous look in his eyes, pushing aside the astronaut Santa statues in a mad frenzy.  He unsheathed his katana and threw it five hundred feet across the room, where it landed in Whacka’s back.  He then grabbed Tap-Tap the Golden Nose’s table and threw it into Dark Chaos Space.  Then he had to run five hundred more feet and arrived at Bow and Jr. Troopa’s table, panting heavily.

“Axem Yellow,” Bow whispered.  “After all we’ve been through…you would betray me?”

“Actually, I’m just here to give you your complimentary dinner mints.  I hope you had a holly jolly meal!” 

Axem Yellow gave the two diners a cheerful wave and took his katana out of Whacka’s back.  He then walked five hundred feet back to the kitchen, setting the astronaut Santa statues up that he pushed over.

“…Well.”

“So who was your spy then?”  Bow asked.

“Actually…I think it was Whacka.  Well, actually, that’s Daisy with a fake mustache, not Whacka.  Regardless, I probably should’ve taken the opportunity to run after that ridiculously elaborate distraction earlier.  Instead, I’ll just do this!”

Jr. Troopa took out the Inferno Gauntlet and punched a hole into Dark Chaos Space.  He leaped out, cackling maniacally with his purple cape fluttering behind him.  Then he realized he couldn’t breathe in Dark Chaos Space and died. 

Bow merely sighed in annoyance and reported to Organization Enigma.  The tides were now in their favor.  Even Belome wouldn’t be able to interfere. 

Meanwhile, Tap-Tap the Golden Nose was really hungry.

*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*

Boshi walked through Toad Town with his hands in his pockets. Wait, he doesn’t have pockets, never mind.  Boshi walked through Toad Town with his hands just sitting by his side.  He was thinking about the Chaos Door.

“I wonder what Merlon meant by ‘Those Cheesy, Goofy Openings’… Hmm…”

He looked up and saw Café 64, which was neat.  Then he turned around and saw a boat.

“Whoa, sweet, a boat!” he shouted.  It made him smile.  The boat went out to sea and he entered the Café.  WHAM! He bumped into Lakilulu, who flew back thirty feet and destroyed a juke box.  “Oh, I’m sorry, uh… durr…”

Lakilulu got up and dusted herself off.  She looked into Boshi’s sunglasses.  Her eyes were like two beautiful shining pearls that were black, and her hair was orange, like a carrot, except like a carrot that was really beautiful.  Not even a normal carrot.  She smiled.

“Err, hey, I like your, juke box… I MEAN, your hair is very, hot, and… FUCK!” Boshi muttered.

Lakilulu giggled.  “You’re pretty cute.”

Boshi’s heart got warm.  A bar fight broke out, but that’s not important right now.  “You… you think I’m c-cute?” Boshi blushed as Misstar bludgeoned Spitz with a wine bottle, killing him.

“Yeah, that’s why I said that.  I don’t know why I would say something like that if I didn’t think you were cute. That would be so awkward.” Lakilulu said.

“Heheh, yeah…” Boshi chuckled.

“Yeah…”

There was a two hour pause as Boshi twiddled his thumbs and thought of some way to sound super cool.  “I can control the darkne-“

“HEY! PAL!” shouted someone from the bar fight.

“Yo,” Boshi said.

“YOU’RE PART ORGANIZATION ENIGMA!!” the voice shouted.

“No, I’m actually a part of Organization Seventeen,” Boshi corrected.

“OH, SWEET,” the voice said.

“HEY!!” yelled another voice.  “I’M PART OF ORGANIZATION ENIGMA AND I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!”

“Just try it, short guy!” Boshi growled, unsheathing the Blade of Rainy Torment.

Rawk Hawk rose from his chair and pulled out four darkness-infused nun-chucks.  “TIME TO RAAAWK!”

Boshi gathered his energy, and was surrounded by a ring of energy.  The eight Dry Dry Runes glowed around him as the Seventeen Arch-angels sang a hymn about Mid Mushrooms.  “Battle strategy…” Boshi growled, his voice echoing through the darkness.  “CRESCENT BEAM TORNADO!!”  VWOOOOOOOOOOFFF!!  The tornado beam destroyed half of the bar and killed Fice T, Marilyn, Goompa, and Rawk Hawk.

“Whoa…” Lakilulu said.  “That was incredible!”

“D’aw, geez, it was nothing…” Boshi chuckled, scratching the back of his head.  “Just an old technique Tatanga taught me…”

The two looked into each others eyes.  Boshi found himself inching towards her, and saw she was doing the same.  He closed his eyes.

BANG!  Mouser shot Lakilulu in the head and killed her.

“Hey, dude!” Boshi spat.  “What are you doing!?”

“Huh?” Mouser said.

“I loved her!” Boshi yelled.

“Oh, whoops, my bad,” Mouser said.  “Anyway, the prophecy is almost fulfilled, did you gather the stones?”

“Yeah, most of them…” Boshi fished in his knapsack.  “Wait… Oh, no, I forgot. Sorry.”

“It’s cool,” Mouser said.  “Come on, let’s go do that.”

“Sounds good,” Boshi smiled.  “Let’s go…”

The two walked into the sunset as Boshi secretly planted a Belome-shaped bug on the back of Mouser’s neck.   “I’d never betray you, old chum!”

*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*-*\\~//*//~\\*\\~//*

The Jonathan Jones Memorial Restaurant and Bar was packed to the brim with eight people, one of them convulsing violently on the floor due to a seizure.  Funky Kong gingerly stepped over Grodus’s thrashing, flailing body and made his way over to where Kooper sat, drinking milk from a dirty glass.

“Organization Enigma doesn’t suspect a thing,” Funky Kong snickered as he lit a cigar made of platinum.

“I’M part of Organization Enigma.”

“Oh.  Uh.”

Funky Kong awkwardly got up from his stool.  He then took a few of Kooper’s crazy curly fries and tripped over Grodus, who was still twitching on the floor.  After going back to get some more of Kooper’s really tasty curly fries, he walked over to Crystal King, who was drinking his fifteenth Bloody Mary.

“Crystal King.  I thought you were dead.”

“Oh, actually, I am, but this is a flashback.”

“…Oh.” Funky puzzled over this for fifteen minutes and finally just shrugged.  “Well, uh, anyway.  Organization Enigma doesn’t suspect a thing.  Everything is going according to plan.”

“Let’s just hope our agent doesn’t let us down,” Crystal King muttered.  “Otherwise, we lose the Scroll of Nightfall to the Order of the Crying Fire Flower.”

“Who’s actually IN the Order of the Crying Fire Flower?”

“I don’t actually…know.”

Suddenly, the lights went off in the bar and groovy-time disco lights began flashing around the room.  Luma was in da’ house fo’ real.

“AWWW YEAAAH LES’ GET DIS’ PAH-TY STARTED BOYEEEE,” MC Luma howled.  He scratched the turn tables five thousand times in a row, showing off his hipster styles and his mad skillz. 

An hour passed.

“O…okay, phew, that was really tiring.  I did not even take one break…PHEW.  Man, I am tuckered out.  Let’s-“

But too many hipster styles had been shown off.  MC Luma gasped and hacked blood all over his Turnz Tablez Eightyz Thouzand 80,000.  “…Let’s get this party started.”   

Luma crumpled over the TTET80,000 shivering violently.  Letting out a shuddering sob, he whispered, “Hooktail, my darling …I never got to tell you how much I loved-“

“WHOOOOOOO!!!  HOORAY!!!”

Everyone clapped and cheered really loudly because the party got started and they were so excited for the rap battle.  Funky ate seven chili dogs because he was really hungry from all the excitement and because he really liked chili dogs.  More than ice cream, even!

The two rap battle contestants entered the bar.  Dr. Topper popped his collar and rode his golden Segway towards the stage.  He tried to ride the Segway up the stairs for a solid fifteen minutes until he finally decided to just walk up onto the stage awkwardly.

On the other side of the room, Chuck Quizmo made his way through the crowd and gently nudged aside a frothing Grodus as he stood up next to Dr. Topper.  The two rap rivals glared at each other viciously.  Dr. Topper licked his lips vigorously to try and inspire fear and immediately regretted his decision because it just looked really awkward. 

Chuck Quizmo grabbed the mic and began to speak to the crowd.  “Before I begin this rap, I’d like to dedicate this song in memoriam of Jonathan Jones.”

“I’m…I’m right here, guys!  Why does everyone think I’m dead-“

“MAY HE ALWAYS LIVE ON IN OUR HEARTS.”

“Okay.”

Crystal King leaned over to whisper to Funky.  “Now remember, we need to figure out which of these two is our agent and which one is Organization Enigma’s.  They’ll be delivering messages through rap code, which, as you know from the Prophecy, is the most deadly and important code of all.  We need to stay focused, alright?”

Funky shook his head grimly.  Then he realized he was supposed to agree and nodded grimly.

On stage, Chuck Quizmo took a deep breath and gazed upon the audience.  Then he started his rap:

Yo, I’m Chuck Quizmo, the super stylin’ g.

My posse is the  numba’ twenty minus three.

Those other dudes are lamers, disgraceful, a stigma.

Hey, Crystal King and Funky, I am not from Enigma!

Chuck Quizmo finished his rap and flashed a few gang signs followed by a triumphant thumbs up.  Everyone cheered as Chuck sat down at a nearby table and made meaningful eye gestures towards Crystal King and Funky.

“Hmmmmmmm,” Funky hmmed.

“Hmmmmmmmmmmm,” Crystal King shouted.

“Yeah, I have no idea which side he’s on,” Funky concluded.  “I need some more time to crack the rap code.”

“Well, let’s wait and see if Dr. Topper can clear things up for us.”

Dr. Topper looked nervously at the crowd.  Gallons of sweat poured down his pants.  He popped his second collar to try and ease his nerves, but that did not work somehow.  Resigned, he grabbed the mic.

“Uh…I’d also, uh, like to dedicate this rap to Jonathan J-“

“I’M NOT DEAD!  GOD!”

“S-sorry.  I’m just gonna, uh, I guess I’ll start now.”  Dr. Topper mopped the sweat from his pants and started his rap.

Yo, I’m Chu-I mean, I’m Dr. Topper, the super stylin’ g.

My posse is the uh, the numba’ twen-um, uh, ummm enigma.

“You can’t just copy MY lyrics!”

I’m-I’m sorry, uh, these other dudes-no, uh, gosh, ummm crap, crap, crap, hold on.  These othe-no, I mean, er, uhhhh, come on, these-I’M FROM ORGANIZATION ENIGMA!!!

There was an awkward single clapping noise which turned out to be just Grodus’ skull rapidly bashing a nearby table leg.  Dr. Topper popped his third collar for good measure and then rode to the back of the room on his golden Segway.  For the most part, he thought he had done pretty well.

Crystal King stroked his beard in deep thought.  Since he didn’t have a beard, he ended up just stroking his cloak uncomfortably instead.

“I wanna say he’s Order of the Crying Fire Flower.”

“I’m completely clueless,” Funky said.  “I never realized rap code could be so intricate and magical.”

“ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUS?!”  Jonathan Jones shrieked as he pulled out his katana crossbow from behind them.  “DR. TOPPER IS FROM ORGANIZATION ENIGMA!  HE CLEARLY STATED HE WAS FROM ORGANIZATION ENIGMA!”

“Jonathan Jones!”  Crystal King gasped.  “I thought you were dead!”

“Oh, for the love of-“

“Wait a minute!”  Funky shouted.  “I’ve got it!  I think Jonathan Jones is our agent!”

“WHAT?!  NO, I’M FROM ORGANIZATION ENIGMA!  AND NOW YOU DIE!”

Jonathan Jones aimed his katana crossbow at Funky when suddenly a wave of chaos energy soared across the room and cut off his head.  Kooper placed his dark scythes back in their holsters and crossed his arms in triumph.

“Uh, Kooper, you do realize that he was on your side, right?”  Crystal King asked delicately.

“Oh, really?  Whoops.”

Kooper sat down in his seat and continued eating his curly fries.  Everyone sat around the table and dug in and they were so busy eating that they didn’t notice Grodus bumping into several tables, knocking over a glass pitcher of lemonade juice, and grabbing the Scroll of Nightfall from the stage.  As he rode away on the golden Segway, Grodus cackled to himself.

“The Order of the Crying Fire Flower will surely be pleased.”